Family | Aaron Buer

Why I Haven’t Been Blogging

Recently my family was hit with a tragedy. My younger brother was involved in a bad car accident. Receiving a call from the police on the scene was terribly difficult. At that point, he was barely conscious and trapped in the car. Even more difficult was having to call his wife and tell her the news. It was a very bad night but thankfully he survived the crash. As I told his wife repeatedly as we drove to the hospital, “He’s one tough kid. He’ll be alright.” He is a tough kid. He’s been through a lot and he’s always pulled through. I wouldn’t dare wrestle him either. He’s probably 4x as strong as I am.

Although he escaped injury to most of his body, he sustained a serious brain injury. It’s been incredibly emotional and difficult for us to watch him struggle through the confusion and the fog. Thankfully, he remembers who everyone in my family is and who he is. He can complete basic motor movement tasks and eat and drink with a little help but getting himself back to the wickedly athletic, strong and hilarious self that he was before the crash is going to take a long time. He’ll be in in-patient or out-patient rehab for months. I’m confident that he’ll make it though, he’s one of the hardest workers I know–full of grit and determination. But, it’s going to be a long a difficult road.

Through this ordeal I’ve learned a few important lessons. I’ve learned a little about what strong and sacrificial love looks like. My brother’s wife has been an incredible servant through this ordeal. She hasn’t left the hospital yet. She is constantly present when he awakes to help him understand where he is and to relieve his anxiety. She has been a pillar of peace and strength for him. Her kindness and strength has been beautiful and inspiring to watch. Sometimes tragedy brings out the best and people and all I know is that she must be one of those people. I’ve rarely seen more selfless and sacrificial love.

Secondly, I’ve been reminded of the importance of family. Through this ordeal our family has pulled together. My sisters, parents and all our spouses are functioning like a team right now, caring for each other, watching each others’ kids and carrying each others’ loads. Family matters. Sometimes I wish extended families functioned like they did in ancient times or still do in some parts of the world–with extended families living and working together. All of our American individualism isn’t always a good thing. There’s no one like family to care for you and rescue you when life falls apart. This tragedy has reinforced this reality for me. Family is worth investing in.

Lastly, I’m learning that life is fragile. My brother was inches from death. I saw his car after the crash and the image struck fear into my heart. I don’t know how anyone could have survived, but thankfully, God spared him. I’m realizing that what James said about life is true:

“How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog–it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.” (James 4:14)

We can never foresee the plot twists that will unfold in our lives. Our lives are fragile. I want to learn to live life to the fullness, take advantage of opportunities, say the words that need to be said, invest in what is worth investing in, and to be with the people I care about the most.

So, this is where I have been lately and where I’ll be for a while. I may not get to my blog for a bit while my family and I care for my brother and help guide him back to health. If you find a spare moment, pray for my brother–that God would bring his mind and body fully back. Thanks.

Why Your Kid May Need a Softball to the Face

I’m not an overprotective parent. I don’t make my daughter put her helmet on when she rides bikes in the neighborhood and I’m annoyed that she has to wear a facemask when she plays the infield (a softball to the face will keep you on your toes). I don’t dispute grades with her teacher or mediate arguments with her friends. I’ve even been known to let her eat gluten and red dye #4. For the most part I consider myself a completely normal parent.

However, as my youngest is standing on the edge of entering jr high I’m starting to think that I don’t fall in the normal range anymore. It seems I’m having more and more conversations that go something like this:

Eliza: Can I have Instagram*

Me: No

Eliza: Whhhhhhy? Every one of my friends has it. Every. Single. One. It’s not fair.

Me: Fair ended in the Garden of Eden

Eliza: *Blank stare*

Of course that’s not true, they don’t all have Instagram. But a lot do, which starts to chip away at my resolve. Then I have to ask myself; am I freaking out….being over protective…depriving her of opportunities to develop discernment? I don’t think so. No, I’m definitely right. Absolutely for sure. I think.

Being the single voice if dissension isn’t easy. You become an island, standing alone while everyone is blissfully moving along with the status quo. Even the most resolute parents can buckle under that sort of pressure. When you’re the lone holdout you start to hear that voice in your head – the voice that says “Are you sure about this? You’re the only one who is being so difficult. You’re going to make her an outcast, you know. She’s going to hate you” It’s hard to stand up against the norm, and it doesn’t get easier as you go along. The fact is that parenting is hard and you volunteered for it. Making unpopular decisions isn’t fun. When your kids are mad at you it stinks. But this isn’t about you, it’s about them, and when you cave in because you feel bad, you’re being selfish.

Ultimately there is a reward for towing the hard line. Your children will become functioning members of society. They won’t buckle when things don’t go their way. They will learn coping skills and will know how to react when life isn’t fair. The reverse is true if you give in every time you get resistance. They will crumble when they come up against adversity, expect you to rescue them, and probably live in your basement for the rest of their lives.

Look, I am fumbling my way through parenthood, just like you are, doing my best to raise my daughter in a world that is new and scary to me. I’m using a biblical grid to walk with her through a culture that fights me almost every step of the way. I’m trying to create a foundation for her that’s grounded on who she is in God’s eyes. That means that sometimes I say no when everyone says yes.

*Note- if you let your child have Instagram I’m not saying you’re a bad parent. We all have to pick our battles and that is one that I chose. I won’t judge you for that and you don’t judge me for wanting my kid to get hit in the face with a softball. Deal?

Guest Blogger: Christina Thelen has been serving in student ministry for over 8 years and has been tenaciously mothering for over 21. When she isn’t volunteering with students she can usually be found planning epic events or posting cat pictures to Facebook.

softball image credited to yanovsky via Free Images

How to Convince Your Daugher That She Is Lovable

The other night I had a panic attack. You see, my daughter told me that her best friends are in love. They kissed on the lips at recess and danced. SCANDAL! If you’re wondering, my daughter is in kindergarten….well, she was. Now she’s home-schooled.

Someday, a LONG time from now I’d like for my daughters to fall in love. Maybe. Wait. Never mind. OK, I want them to fall in love but not until they’re like 40. OK, fine. I want them to fall in love but it has to be with someone who is worthy of them. Forget it. No one ever will be.

Sigh. Alright, alright, someday I’ll let my daughters date but these guys had better not hurt them or else I’ll track them down and dispatch them with a flurry of vicious rhetoric.

Hypothetically, if I were to let my daughter date, I’d really only have one requirement. See, I’m not that demanding. It’s just one little thing. He must treasure her. He must treat her like she is the most valuable person in his life. What would this look like practically? I came up with a list:

It means he puts her first
It means that he would never hurt her or force her into anything
It means that he would never yell at her, intimidate her or hit her
It means that he would never abandon her
It means that he would see into her heart and love her beyond her body
It means that he would learn to understand her moods
It means that he would never love another women except her.
It means that he would take care of her as they both grow old
It means that he would treasure her beyond all else in life.

Here’s the problem. I know she is worth it but she doesn’t. In my experience, most girls don’t understand how valuable they are. Our culture convinces girls that their worth is based on how they look and what boys think about them. It scares me to death that my daughters will grow up comparing themselves to the girls on magazine covers. It terrifies me that her self-image might be dependent on what some teenage boy says about her.

So, how do you convince your daughter that she is valuable? How do you convince her that she is worth more than what she looks like? I think it’s a constant battle. It is repeated conversations. She needs to be told over and over again. But, while words are crucial, it’s important to remember that kids learn far more from observing than being told. Fathers teach their daughters what value is all about in the ways that they talk about, and look at women . Girls, even little girls, pick up on the subtlest expressions. Whatever is in your heart, she will pick up on it.

From what I have learned, if I want to convince my daughter that she is worth being treasured, I need to treasure her mother. My daughter is building expectations around her parents’ relationship. She will experience a gravitational pull toward the kind of man I am. I need to compliment my wife and my daughters on more than their looks and clothes. Essentially, I need to treat my wife and my daughter exactly how I want her future boyfriend to treat her. I must treasure them. She will come to expect and desire what she knows and has experienced.

So, dads, we have a monumental task before us. If you want your daughter to successfully navigate the minefield that is our culture, if you want her to end up with a man who loves her like she deserves, you need to treasure your wife and your daughter. She’s smarter than you think. If she is in middle school, she is already more relationally perceptive than you are. You can’t fool her. Love the women in your life authentically. Start now.

photo credited to Rodrigo Amorim via Flickr

Why PDA is Good

I have a confession. I’m not a big fan of PDA. If I see you at the mall kissing on your significant other I will judge you and throw up a little in my mind. I’m sorry. It might be that I’m significantly Dutch and we’re a reserved kind of folk. Or, maybe I’m just weird or maybe you are for kissing at the mall. Gross. I don’t know, but either way, please don’t get too affectionate around me. We can’t be friends if you do.

I’ve recently discovered that my issues with PDA don’t apply to my kids. What I mean is that every time I give my wife a hug or a kiss my kids make a huge deal about it. “Ahhh! Sick! Daddy kissed Mommy!” They freak out and act like they are throwing up every time. Being affectionate with my wife feels like I’m that weird kid from elementary school who catches frogs and shoves them in your face.

It didn’t take me long to realize that my kids aren’t actually grossed out by affection. The, “Daddy, kiss Mommy again!” was a dead giveaway. I remember reading somewhere that showing affection in front of your kids is good for them. I’ve experienced this firsthand. I get the sense that seeing tangible expressions of their parents’ love brings a sort of steadiness to my kids. Children build their lives upon what they see in their parents and there is something about knowing your parents love each other that makes everything feel right.

The other night, as we were tucking our kids into bed, they began asking questions about when Katie and I met in college. They were curious about the details of who we were back then and they couldn’t really get their minds around the idea that there was a time when we weren’t together.

As it turns out, when we were dating in college, I wrote my then girlfriend Katie a children’s book. It is the story of how we met, fell in love and started dating. Yes, it is terribly cheesy and the illustrations are a disaster, but she loved it and it probably sealed the deal for our then future marriage.

Anyway, my kids were asking so many questions about our early days that my wife dug the book out of her secret box and brought it to the kids. We read a couple chapters and they were enthralled. It was like they were Harry Potter discovering magic. There were a few moments of controversy though. “Wait! Mommy, you had a different boyfriend before Daddy?!?” It was like we opened up a new world that they never knew existed. They nearly went into revolt when the time came to put the book away and go to sleep.

The whole episode taught me something. Kids need concrete examples. They need to know that their parents love each other because it builds a sort of trust and strength in them. I’m learning that being affectionate and telling our story to our kids is very good for them. I guess I’d better get over my Dutchness, but can we all agree to ease up on the PDA? Disgusting.

photo credited to @Doug88888 via Flickr

How to Build Faith in Kids

What’s the first step in building faith in a student or a child? Is it presenting the Gospel? Is it getting them in the Bible? Is it mentoring them? What is it? Recently, I spent a few hours with Chap Clark in a SYMC breakout session and he helped refine what I view as the foundation of discipleship.

TRUST

What does it mean to be a mature disciple of Jesus? The simple answer is that I’m mature when I trust Jesus with everything. I trust Him with my money. I trust Him with my media choices. I trust Him in the way I treat my wife. Personally, I think maturity is as simple as trust.

If this is true, teaching another person to follow Jesus is as simple as teaching them to trust Jesus in every area of their life, one step at a time.

Because of this, the foundation of discipleship is trust. How do children and adolescents learn this? How do they decide to trust someone they can’t see? They subconsciously decide whether Jesus is trustworthy based on how the people of Jesus treat them.

SAFE

So, what’s the first step in building faith in another person? It’s safety. As a parent, forging a safe relationship is crucial to faith development. In children’s ministry, creating and maintaining a safe environment is paramount. As a small group leader or youth worker, using safe language is foundational.

How do I know this is true? This reality is best illustrated with fathers. What’s your relationship with your dad like? If your dad is a safe and trustworthy person I would bet you’ve learned to trust Jesus. If your dad was a cruel person, I imagine there is a good chance you struggle with accepting the goodness of God. If your dad was never quite satisfied with your accomplishments or talents there is a good chance you never feel good enough for God. You constantly wrestle with whether or not God likes you. If your dad was absent or abandoned your family, you probably have moments in which you wonder whether or not God truly cares or if He is there at all. We learn about Jesus from the people who profess to follow Jesus

What does it mean to be safe? Safety is communicated in the way we talk to kids, particularly when they fail. Safety is communicated in the way we joke around with kids. Is it funny for everyone or is it biting? Safety is communicated by the look on our face like when a kid confesses a failure. Safety is communicating in the way we talk about people we disagree with.

POWER

If you are a parent, small group leader or youth worker, you are in a position of tremendous power. You are teaching children and adolescents what God is like. But, it isn’t your bible stories, sermons and programs as much as it is your words, your reactions and attitudes. Will they learn to trust God? Do they trust you? Until they develop abstract thinking skills, the question is as simple as that. Safety is our number one priority.

photo credited to Adrian Ruiz via Flickr

The Evening Highs and Lows Tantrum

Everyone knows that all great student ministry small groups start off with “highs and lows” or some variation of it. Some call them “best and worst,” “roses and thorns” some “wows and pows,” “mountains and valleys,” and others “poops and giggles”–an unsanctioned “craps and laughs” has even weaseled it’s way into popular usage much to the chagrin of conservative youth workers everywhere. Also, more linguistically sophisticated youth groups employ “waxes and wanes.” Actually, that’s a lie. I don’t believe that archaic wording has been seen since 1884.

If you’re unfamiliar with the concept, the idea behind “highs and lows” is that each student shares the high and low points of their week. This exercise is incredibly important because how else could Billy share about his great aunt Mabel’s bunion issue or how could Sally’s tell of her cat’s untimely end in the neighborhood cul-de-sac.

On a more serious note, “highs and lows” is actually a genius technique for leading a small group. It creates space for each student to share and employed over time the exercise creates an atmosphere of honesty and support. If you’re not utilizing it in your small group I won’t tell anyone of your noobitrocity but you should get on it!

A few months ago I decided to employ “highs and lows” in my family. We began to share our “wow and pows” at every evening meal. I fancy it to be a mini-small group time. My kids are young–7, 5, 3, 1 so, sometimes the sharing is a little ridiculous. Here are a few quotes: “My high is that I won a monkey at school.” “My high is that Parker asked me to marry him.” “My low for today was that I peed my pants at school…again.”

Sometimes sanctioned “highs and lows” protocol is broken. For example, my 3 year old hasn’t exactly grasped the difference between highs and lows so he always refers to the worst part of his day as his “high” which sets of a cacophony of laughter and well meaning corrections from my oldest son who is immensely concerned with exactness of procedure. He’s a perfectionist in the making.

After the laughter has quieted, a second break in protocol arises. My oldest daughter, who shall remain anonymous is rather rambly. They say that in a typical day women use twice as many words as men. Well, I am sure that my daughter uses roughly four or five times that amount. She has the amazing gift of being able to stretch a short story into an incredibly long affair. She’s sort of like a Hobbit movie in that way.

As a typical dinner goes, she will begin to share what her low of the day was and my oldest son, who you may recall is concerned with exactness and specificity as well as succinctness and accuracy interrupts the story with a shorter and more correct rendering of the tale before she has finished. Everyone knows that interrupting another’s “high” or “low” is a serious procedural infraction.

Now, along with being exceptionally wordy, my oldest daughter is also an Olympic level tantrumist. Yes, she can go from zero to flail in just under 3 seconds. Her tale now highjacked by her accuracy minded brother, my daughter will presently throw herself to the kitchen floor and flail about for several exceptionally loud moments. At this point, the meal is either ruined or we take a 5 minute recess to regroup. This is essentially what happens every time we do “highs and lows” at the Buer house.

All in all, I must say that I plan to continue using “highs and lows” at our evening meal from now until I’m too weak or senile to boss my kids around. What I love is that my kids are learning to share honestly with each other and with us. I also know that community isn’t built overnight. It takes investment and time. Over and over again I’ve seen 6th grade small groups that from the outside appears to be a WWE cage match, and yet that same group in the late years of high school is transformed into a beautiful picture of what grownup church ought to be.

The truth is that you can’t have the honesty, love and commitment without first going through the cage match. Real community is forged in the wrestling and stories of aunt Mabel’s bunion and the dead cat cul-de-sac. It takes time. And, that’s exactly why I’m going to keep plugging away with “highs and lows” at the dinner table. Although, a pair of ear plugs for the tantrums may not be a bad idea.

image credited to Amanda Tipton

Tenacious Mothering

Somehow my daughter turned 21 a few days ago. I still don’t really understand how this happened but I can assure you it has nothing to do with me getting older.

When I announced to a close friend that Melanie was going out that evening to celebrate she shocked me with a question I didn’t know how to answer

“Did you tell her not to take a drink from anyone she doesn’t know?” “Well, no…I didn’t tell her that.” “Because you never know what someone could put in a drink before they give it to her…”

Needless to say, I freaked out and left my daughter a long impassioned voicemail that went something like this:

“Don’t take drinks from strangers and don’t ever go to the bathroom by yourself and don’t drink anything that is made in a garbage can or a bath tub and don’t do shots because they make you stupid and don’t drive even if you’ve only had a few drinks and don’t go anywhere with anyone you don’t know and most guys you meet in a bar are trying to figure out how to get in your pants!”

Yes, I panicked. My sweet little innocent baby girl was going out into the world and I wasn’t sure if I had said everything that I needed to say so I just opened up the fire hose and left nothing to chance.

The good news is that I haven’t left much unsaid over the last 21 years. I was always the mom who said the weird awkward things. I talked to her about sex and boyfriends. I talked to her about catfights and how boys really think. I talked to her about what it feels like to have your heart broken. I talked to her about being resilient. I was open and honest and brought anything that she tried to keep in the dark out in the light. Sometimes it went really well and sometimes it was messy and ugly. But either way we talked about it.

So whether you have a 1 year old or a 21 year old, my advice is this: start talking. Whatever age you think you should start talking to your kids about sex, partying and friends—start earlier than that. If you have a teenager, start now. Be weird, creepy, and awkward. At least they’ll know what creepy sounds like when they run into it.

Ask them questions even if you’re afraid to know the answers. I know it’s a tough idea to implement but be persistent and relentless and for crying out loud man up! No one ever said parenting would be easy. If your kid isn’t ticked off at you at least 30% of the time you’re probably not doing it right.

Trust me when I say that down the road your kids will appreciate your intrusiveness. A couple summers ago my husband and I dropped Melanie off at her first apartment in Chicago. As we drove away I was shouting obnoxiously out the window “Don’t let a stranger carry your groceries! Nothing good happens after midnight! Always park under a streetlight!” And on and on until we wear out of earshot.

She just smiled and waved and I was sure she knew how tenaciously I love her.

Falling out of Love

A few weeks ago I had the privilege of officiating the wedding of one of my good friends. If you’re wondering, yes I can legally do this and no I didn’t screw it up.

As a pastor, a wedding sermon is an incredibly unique opportunity to speak to a couple who isn’t hearing a darn thing you’re saying. If you’ve ever been in a wedding you know exactly what I mean. The bridesmaids are busy trying not to cry and or topple over in their heels and the groomsman are concentrating on breathing and keeping their knees bent so that they don’t faint. And the bride and groom? They are staring at each other, as they ought to be.

Basically, I know I’m speaking to the audience because no one on the stage is paying attention to me. Perhaps this is an opportunity encourage a marriage that is struggling. That was my strategy and here’s what I shared.

GOD INVENTED MARRIAGE

Marriage was God’s idea. He invented it. We have recorded in the early pages of the book of Genesis God exclaiming that the purpose of marriage is oneness. “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Oneness makes sense because it reflects the perfect unity within the trinity. We were created in the image of God and God exists in intimate and perfect relationship.

So that’s the purpose of marriage. Let’s be real, you don’t see a lot of oneness in marriage these days—not on TV, not in real life, not hardly anywhere. Which raises a great question, if that’s what God’s dream for marriage is, how in the world do you actually get there? I’m glad you asked.

A NEW COMMANDMENT

The best marriage advice I’ve ever heard is actually not marriage advice. It comes from the Gospel of John. As Jesus was teaching his disciples, he gave them a new commandment:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

The idea is this: Regardless of what is going on…love one another. When your husband forgets your anniversary, love one another. When your wife says something snarky and disrespectful, love one another other. To be a follower of Jesus is to love one another.

LOVE IS NOT AN EMOTION

Most of us have misinterpreted what love actually is. We believe that love is something that you feel. And yet, Jesus commanded us to love. He’s talking about something active. Like DcTalk said way back in the day, “Love is a verb.” Love is action.

THE SECRET SAUCE

Our thinking typically goes like this: “If I feel loved then I will love her.” Or, “When my needs are met, I’ll care for his needs.” What if we flip this around? What if we act in love first? I believe this is what Jesus is getting at. You see, the truth is that emotions follow actions. We think that if we don’t feel love then we must have fallen out of love. This is a fundamental misunderstanding of what love is. Love is a verb. It’s an action, not an emotion.

DON’T WAIT

I believe that almost any marriage can be rebuilt around this principle. Jesus commanded me to love so I will love. If you begin to love your spouse through your actions, the emotions associated with love will follow over time.

However, if you wait to love your spouse until after the emotions come back you’ll wait forever. Love isn’t something that you fall out of. Love is something you do. Don’t wait. Start loving your spouse now.

If you thought this concept was profound you are right! I learned this idea from Andy Stanley. Check out this sermon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riA0O8yoCew

image credited to Meyer Felix

A Dad’s Prayer

Dear Father,

May my kids never have to wonder if they are special. Please enable me to love them so thoroughly and lavishly that they never feel the need to seek love in wrong or unhealthy places. I pray that they would understand that they have been created beautiful, gifted and unique.

You have repeatedly revealed to me how influential friends can be. Please help my kids to find and choose good friends—friend who will lead them toward you instead of away. I pray that they would find great peace and joy in friendships.

I confess that I am particularly worried about boys. There are so few quality boys and men in our culture. Please bring a few good ones into my kids’ lives and protect them from the ones who would use them or lead them down destructive paths.

Wisdom is a rare commodity. Like Solomon, I ask for it but in this case, not for me but rather for my kids. May they become skilled in reading people’s intentions. Give my children the ability to foresee how decisions will impact their future and may they possess the wisdom to choose the best paths.

In the midst of a busy life full of distractions, remind and help me to engage my kids. I want to put them first. Remind me to put down my phone and leave my work at the office. May the way that I engage my kids always remind them of how valuable and important they are to me and by extension, You.

You have made each of my 4 kids incredibly unique. Teach me to become a student of my kids. I want to help them discover who You have made them to be. I want to dream for them and help them run after the purposes You have for them. Reveal to me and then to them their passions and gifts. I want nothing more than for my kids to live in that sweet spot of who You’ve made them to be combined with the mission You are pursuing in the world.

I want to pray that You would keep my kid safe, but there is something I desire much more than safety. I want their lives to matter. Build into them a passionate and reckless faith. Place a burning in their heart for injustice. May the troubles of this world break their hearts to the degree that they can’t sit by and watch. I want my kids to jump in and get messy. And yet, my father’s heart pleads with You to protect them as they battle the injustice of this world.

Lastly, I pray that You would keep me close and devoted to my wife. I desperately want a healthy family for my children. I pray that our marriage would always be a source of strength and peace for my kids. May they never have to wonder if we love each other or if we will stay together.

Your Son,

Aaron

Influencing Boys Toward Greatness | Leadership

I can’t remember the last male character on TV who was a leader. OK, take out every super hero/Jack Bauer type character. If a man isn’t single handedly saving the world he is a sally—see every sitcom husband ever.

Let me make a clarification. By leadership I do not mean dominance. There are plenty of guys out there who know how to get what they want through dominance and abuse. The leadership I’m talking about is others first. It’s the kind of leadership that draws out the best in others. It empowers others to become who God made them to be and rallies people around the mission of Christ in the world.

When I think of my sons, this is what I want. I want my boys to grow into men who inspire, empower and lead the way. So, how do you get there? How do you teach a boy to become a leader modeled after Jesus?

LEADERSHIP IS CAUGHT NOT TAUGHT

Nearly everything in our culture teaches boys to be selfish. “It’s all about you.” “Have it your way.” “Wear this and women will want you.”

If we want our boys to become others focused leaders, we have to understand that we’re going against the flow of culture. They won’t become the leaders we want them to be without first seeing it. Specifically, they need to see us doing it. The boys in your youth ministry and in your family will lead exactly how they see you leading. Be the leader you want your boys to be.

One of the best ways to do model others first leadership is through volunteering. Volunteer together with your son. Encourage the boys in your youth group to serve in the children’s ministry. Take your family on mission trips. Serve together and they will catch others first leadership.

TEACH HIM TO LEAD IN RELATIONSHIPS

To be frank, many guys in our culture approach relationships asking a simple question: “What can I get out of this?” For the record, that’s called exploitation. Great men don’t exploit women. They empower and liberate.

At the risk of offending everyone in the universe, I believe that great men lead in relationships. Before you start writing that hate comment just hear me out. I think men ought to protect women by taking the lead on physical boundaries. Unfortunately, many guys are out to get what they can in relationships and many girls are lonely enough that they will trade purity for perceived intimacy.

The world needs men who are more interested in protecting women and bringing the best out in them than getting what they can. My dream is that my daughters would date guys who are man enough to be upfront about their physical and emotional boundaries and that they would lead the way in maintaining these boundaries.

We need to train the boys in our families and youth ministries to respect women by leading them. Their role is to protect women, not take advantage of them. Help boys clearly define their physical boundaries and then help them learn how to communicate and maintain these boundaries with girls.

Also, help them understand how powerfully their words can impact a woman. Teach him to be careful with his words. Again, the goal is to protect and empower women—no to get what you can from them. That’s exploitation.

Great men lead. They don’t dominant or exploit. They put others first and empower the people around them. To influence boys toward greatness, we must learn to lead in the same way.

Tag: Family