I’m not an overprotective parent. I don’t make my daughter put her helmet on when she rides bikes in the neighborhood and I’m annoyed that she has to wear a facemask when she plays the infield (a softball to the face will keep you on your toes). I don’t dispute grades with her teacher or mediate arguments with her friends. I’ve even been known to let her eat gluten and red dye #4. For the most part I consider myself a completely normal parent.
However, as my youngest is standing on the edge of entering jr high I’m starting to think that I don’t fall in the normal range anymore. It seems I’m having more and more conversations that go something like this:
Eliza: Can I have Instagram*
Me: No
Eliza: Whhhhhhy? Every one of my friends has it. Every. Single. One. It’s not fair.
Me: Fair ended in the Garden of Eden
Eliza: *Blank stare*
Of course that’s not true, they don’t all have Instagram. But a lot do, which starts to chip away at my resolve. Then I have to ask myself; am I freaking out….being over protective…depriving her of opportunities to develop discernment? I don’t think so. No, I’m definitely right. Absolutely for sure. I think.
Being the single voice if dissension isn’t easy. You become an island, standing alone while everyone is blissfully moving along with the status quo. Even the most resolute parents can buckle under that sort of pressure. When you’re the lone holdout you start to hear that voice in your head – the voice that says “Are you sure about this? You’re the only one who is being so difficult. You’re going to make her an outcast, you know. She’s going to hate you” It’s hard to stand up against the norm, and it doesn’t get easier as you go along. The fact is that parenting is hard and you volunteered for it. Making unpopular decisions isn’t fun. When your kids are mad at you it stinks. But this isn’t about you, it’s about them, and when you cave in because you feel bad, you’re being selfish.
Ultimately there is a reward for towing the hard line. Your children will become functioning members of society. They won’t buckle when things don’t go their way. They will learn coping skills and will know how to react when life isn’t fair. The reverse is true if you give in every time you get resistance. They will crumble when they come up against adversity, expect you to rescue them, and probably live in your basement for the rest of their lives.
Look, I am fumbling my way through parenthood, just like you are, doing my best to raise my daughter in a world that is new and scary to me. I’m using a biblical grid to walk with her through a culture that fights me almost every step of the way. I’m trying to create a foundation for her that’s grounded on who she is in God’s eyes. That means that sometimes I say no when everyone says yes.
*Note- if you let your child have Instagram I’m not saying you’re a bad parent. We all have to pick our battles and that is one that I chose. I won’t judge you for that and you don’t judge me for wanting my kid to get hit in the face with a softball. Deal?
Guest Blogger: Christina Thelen has been serving in student ministry for over 8 years and has been tenaciously mothering for over 21. When she isn’t volunteering with students she can usually be found planning epic events or posting cat pictures to Facebook.
softball image credited to yanovsky via Free Images
