The other day, I found myself sitting around a table eating spinach and artichoke dip with my friends Jon and Brian, who happen to be two of the smartest people I know. In my experience, great food and drink lead to great conversation. As often happens, we were passionately discussing ministry strategies and philosophies. Brian made a statement has been rattling around my head ever since. Here’s what he said:
“Structure unleashes relationship.”
Here’s what followed in our conversation…
1. DISCIPLESHIP IS ALL ABOUT RELATIONSHIP
Student ministry that transforms lives is all about relationships. Great student ministry involves spiritually mature and caring adults pouring their lives into students. In essence is about spiritual mentoring. In addition, great student ministries create cultures in which students learn to live in community with peers. Through small groups, students begin to experience the family of Jesus through encouragement, presence, accountability and life together. When it comes to student ministry, relationships are crucial.
Sometimes I hear from youth workers about how their student ministry is all about discipleship. “We teach the Word!” My argument would be that without deep and sustained relationship there is no such thing as discipleship. Students do not learn well from lectures or sermons. They, and we, if we are honest, learn in the context of relationship. We learn from discussing ideas with mentors and people we trust. We learn from watching others and practicing together. In truth, discipleship is all about relationships.
2. RELATIONSHIPS AREN’T ORGANIC
Relationships have a odd way of running toward chaos. Pick a relationship in your life. Left alone, it will run toward chaos. If you neglect a friendship, marriage or business relationship, it will slowly degrade and eventually collapse into ruins. I’ve come to believe that relationship are in fact, not organic. In other words, relationships do not simply happen or grow stronger naturally. Life reveals the exact opposite. In my relationship with my wife, we grow apart when we don’t intentionally invest and protect our relationship. Especially because we have four kids, growth in our relationships requires scheduled dates, persistent connection, shared projects…in other words, structure.
I have often heard from student pastors and volunteers that their ministry is very organic. “We’re just about relationships. We’re like the early church in that way.” What they mean is that program and structure are somehow counterproductive to discipleship. In my experience, this philosophy sounds impressively spiritual but it is in truth over-simplistic and doesn’t actually lead to discipleship.
Discipleship happens over time and in the context of many conversations. Discipleship is built on the foundation of trust, shared experience and intentionality. It doesn’t happen organically and it doesn’t happen in a pew. It happens in purposeful relationships and it is structure that unleashes these relationships.
3. CULTURE ISN’T ORGANIC
We have an obsession with the word “culture.” In student ministry circles, we talk about building cultures. We all know that we want a culture of transformation or a culture of this or that. The question is, do we understand what we are talking about? Or better yet, do we have any idea how to build culture? In reality, culture is actually very simple. Culture is the structure of how we live together. Our societal culture is the structure of how our society functions together. In student ministry, culture is simply the structure that facilitates how we function together as a group.
It is possible to build a culture or change an existing culture. However, the path to culture change doesn’t begin with an impassioned speech or a new decorating scheme. Culture changes begins with structure. If you want a culture of discipleship through relationship then you need a structure that promotes and facilitates relationships.
So what exactly do we mean when we say structure? That’s a great question. I’ll unpack the sort of structure that unleashes relationship over the next few days.
image credited to gaspi*yg via Flickr
