I have a confession. I’m not a big fan of PDA. If I see you at the mall kissing on your significant other I will judge you and throw up a little in my mind. I’m sorry. It might be that I’m significantly Dutch and we’re a reserved kind of folk. Or, maybe I’m just weird or maybe you are for kissing at the mall. Gross. I don’t know, but either way, please don’t get too affectionate around me. We can’t be friends if you do.
I’ve recently discovered that my issues with PDA don’t apply to my kids. What I mean is that every time I give my wife a hug or a kiss my kids make a huge deal about it. “Ahhh! Sick! Daddy kissed Mommy!” They freak out and act like they are throwing up every time. Being affectionate with my wife feels like I’m that weird kid from elementary school who catches frogs and shoves them in your face.
It didn’t take me long to realize that my kids aren’t actually grossed out by affection. The, “Daddy, kiss Mommy again!” was a dead giveaway. I remember reading somewhere that showing affection in front of your kids is good for them. I’ve experienced this firsthand. I get the sense that seeing tangible expressions of their parents’ love brings a sort of steadiness to my kids. Children build their lives upon what they see in their parents and there is something about knowing your parents love each other that makes everything feel right.
The other night, as we were tucking our kids into bed, they began asking questions about when Katie and I met in college. They were curious about the details of who we were back then and they couldn’t really get their minds around the idea that there was a time when we weren’t together.
As it turns out, when we were dating in college, I wrote my then girlfriend Katie a children’s book. It is the story of how we met, fell in love and started dating. Yes, it is terribly cheesy and the illustrations are a disaster, but she loved it and it probably sealed the deal for our then future marriage.
Anyway, my kids were asking so many questions about our early days that my wife dug the book out of her secret box and brought it to the kids. We read a couple chapters and they were enthralled. It was like they were Harry Potter discovering magic. There were a few moments of controversy though. “Wait! Mommy, you had a different boyfriend before Daddy?!?” It was like we opened up a new world that they never knew existed. They nearly went into revolt when the time came to put the book away and go to sleep.
The whole episode taught me something. Kids need concrete examples. They need to know that their parents love each other because it builds a sort of trust and strength in them. I’m learning that being affectionate and telling our story to our kids is very good for them. I guess I’d better get over my Dutchness, but can we all agree to ease up on the PDA? Disgusting.
photo credited to @Doug88888 via Flickr
