A few weeks ago I had the privilege of officiating the wedding of one of my good friends. If you’re wondering, yes I can legally do this and no I didn’t screw it up.
As a pastor, a wedding sermon is an incredibly unique opportunity to speak to a couple who isn’t hearing a darn thing you’re saying. If you’ve ever been in a wedding you know exactly what I mean. The bridesmaids are busy trying not to cry and or topple over in their heels and the groomsman are concentrating on breathing and keeping their knees bent so that they don’t faint. And the bride and groom? They are staring at each other, as they ought to be.
Basically, I know I’m speaking to the audience because no one on the stage is paying attention to me. Perhaps this is an opportunity encourage a marriage that is struggling. That was my strategy and here’s what I shared.
GOD INVENTED MARRIAGE
Marriage was God’s idea. He invented it. We have recorded in the early pages of the book of Genesis God exclaiming that the purpose of marriage is oneness. “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Oneness makes sense because it reflects the perfect unity within the trinity. We were created in the image of God and God exists in intimate and perfect relationship.
So that’s the purpose of marriage. Let’s be real, you don’t see a lot of oneness in marriage these days—not on TV, not in real life, not hardly anywhere. Which raises a great question, if that’s what God’s dream for marriage is, how in the world do you actually get there? I’m glad you asked.
A NEW COMMANDMENT
The best marriage advice I’ve ever heard is actually not marriage advice. It comes from the Gospel of John. As Jesus was teaching his disciples, he gave them a new commandment:
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
The idea is this: Regardless of what is going on…love one another. When your husband forgets your anniversary, love one another. When your wife says something snarky and disrespectful, love one another other. To be a follower of Jesus is to love one another.
LOVE IS NOT AN EMOTION
Most of us have misinterpreted what love actually is. We believe that love is something that you feel. And yet, Jesus commanded us to love. He’s talking about something active. Like DcTalk said way back in the day, “Love is a verb.” Love is action.
THE SECRET SAUCE
Our thinking typically goes like this: “If I feel loved then I will love her.” Or, “When my needs are met, I’ll care for his needs.” What if we flip this around? What if we act in love first? I believe this is what Jesus is getting at. You see, the truth is that emotions follow actions. We think that if we don’t feel love then we must have fallen out of love. This is a fundamental misunderstanding of what love is. Love is a verb. It’s an action, not an emotion.
DON’T WAIT
I believe that almost any marriage can be rebuilt around this principle. Jesus commanded me to love so I will love. If you begin to love your spouse through your actions, the emotions associated with love will follow over time.
However, if you wait to love your spouse until after the emotions come back you’ll wait forever. Love isn’t something that you fall out of. Love is something you do. Don’t wait. Start loving your spouse now.
If you thought this concept was profound you are right! I learned this idea from Andy Stanley. Check out this sermon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riA0O8yoCew
image credited to Meyer Felix
