Tag: student ministry

How Safe is Your Student Ministry?

I hate rules. I really do. I’m still not sure how I survived the rule rich environment of Moody Bible Institute. I think it’s because somewhere along the way I recognized the value of boundaries.  Let me explain with a story…

As a young youth pastor in my first position, we embarked on a yearly sojourn to Cedar Point–if you’re not from the Midwest, this is a massive amusement park filled with roller coasters, fried everything you can imagine and the highest mullet per capita anywhere.

After an epic day of G-forces, sunburn and chasing down make-out-minded teenagers, we would arrive back at the church at 11:00 PM and I would wait FOREVER for parents to pick up their kids. I know you’ve been there. On this particular night, I was more than a little exhausted and one girl’s parents had still not shown up after 45 minutes. I called her house and woke up her dad who mumbled something about having to work at 4 AM, a missing car and something else that I didn’t hear because I was so angry.

In frustration and exhaustion I drove her home myself. Fail.  At the time I didn’t realize how bad this idea was.  In fact, at this point in my career, I regularly met with female students, leaders, and parents one-on-one in coffee shops–sometimes even driving alone with them. I just thought that’s what a youth pastor did.

I didn’t think much about how dangerous these meetings were until a few years later when one of the girls in our ministry invented a story about a fictitious guy who had raped her. It took months for law enforcement to sort out that she was lying but an enormous amount of damage had been done to her reputation.

This is when it hit me that she easily could have made that story up about me or one of my volunteers.  Any number of the troubled students I worked with could have invented a story that involved me. Suddenly, I realized the precarious nature of my role.

One student could destroy my career and life with a few well timed lies. And yet, I firmly believe that God has called me to serve these students.  What to do?

How do we balance our calling with protecting ourselves and those who serve with us? We must serve smarter. We need to place boundaries around ourselves, our volunteers and our ministries.  I hate rules but we must face reality.

Our church and student ministry has spent the last few years thinking through these difficult questions, sometimes against our will.  Here’s a list of precautions we take. I encourage you to think through the list and consider how vulnerable your ministry is.  Also, please add anything you feel is missing.

One-on-One Meetings

  • We do not allow our staff or volunteers to do one-one-one meetings with the opposition gender–not even in public places
  • We document every one-on-one meeting between an adult and student
  • We require parent approval for every one-on-one meeting
  • We ensure that another volunteer or staff member knows in advance about each one-on-one meeting.

Troubled Students and Abuse

  • We have brought CPS and law enforcement representatives into our staff and volunteer training meetings to create clarity about mandatory reporting.
  • We have created clear lines for when a student has become a threat to the safety of our students and we regularly ask students to take a break from our ministry.
  • We have a professional counselor on our staff who guides us through every difficult student or family issue that we face. This person connects us with other professional counselors or services when needed.

Security

  • We have a security coordinator who is a former law enforcement officer who constantly evaluates and advises us on security issues.
  • We background check every adult who is present during our weekly programs.
  • We lock our doors before and after check-in and during the entirety of our program.
  • We have trained security personnel present at all of our events.

I understand that this stuff is about as fun as a root canal but it is important and necessary.  We must create safeguards because they protect the integrity of our ministries and they build trust with students and parents.

So, what are your safeguards?

 

Photo by Calignosus

 

Wanna Be a Great Youth Pastor? Get a Real Job.

img_drilling-1957-with-new-rigI come from a long line of men. I’m talking about rugged, leather skin, strong as an ox, men.  I’m a 5th generation water well driller.  We work outside all day every day, rain or shine, winter and summer. It’s hard, dirty and more than a little dangerous.

You might say I put in my time as a well driller.  I started in the shop in early middle school and finished up at 23.  I’m actually very proud of the 11 wells that bear my name in the Michigan water well database. Never mind that my dad probably has a couple thousand under his name.  What’s a couple extra zeros?

To be honest, I was never going to make it has a long-term well driller.  I’m about as mechanically inclined as a sloth.  I can’t fix anything.  Also, my frail body was already starting to fall apart after only a few years of full-time drilling—tendonitis, tennis elbow, carpal tunnel, etc.   It’s a little embarrassing but who’s going to argue with weak genes?

Obviously, I diverged for the family tradition path but not because I didn’t like the work or the industry.  I’m actually very grateful for my heritage and experience drilling wells.  Much of what I learned has impacted who I am as a youth pastor.  Let me explain:

  • Ingenuity

I know this sounds a little like “My dad can beat up your dad” but when it comes to problem solving my dad is a genius.  He never gives up and he thinks outside the box.  Our family business wasn’t exactly rolling in the deep so we often had to create our own solutions.  My dad built his own tools and gadgets.  He was always tinkering with his systems to push for more speed and greater accuracy.

Like I said before, I can’t “fix” my way out of a wet paper bag but I did learn ingenuity from my dad.  I love to evaluate our programs, systems and strategies.  Never be satisfied.  Always push for greater effectiveness.

  • If You’re Not Having Fun, You’re Not Doing it Right

Here are some things that don’t mix well:  water, wind, winter, me.  But that’s exactly what being a well driller during the winter is like.  When it’s freezing cold and you’re standing out in a field exposed to the biting wind getting repeatedly splashed by water you can either hate your life or laugh.

For years I worked on a drilling crew with a guy named Dennis who was hilarious.  We spent all day every being ridiculous, joking around and generally having a great time.  What I learned is this, don’t take your work so seriously that you can’t laugh and have a ridiculously good time.  It’s just not worth it.

  • Work Ethic

There’s nothing about well drilling that is easy.  My dad taught me to work and to work hard.  Sadly, most of us in youth ministry aren’t known for our killer work ethic.  Working hard and being accountable for your time are great ways to build trust among parents and church leaders.  My recommendation to anyone studying to become a youth worker is to learn how to work.  If necessary, get a “real job” before launching out into student ministry.  It might be the best ministry training you ever get.

To summarize, what many would consider a lowly, undesirable, manual labor job has taught me valuable lessons about what it means to work.  I’m immensely proud of my heritage.  Sometimes I think my time as a well driller may have even been better training than my degree in youth ministry.

Guest Post: Why Volunteers Matter

Growing up, I couldn’t wait until I was old enough to go to youth group at church. I always thought it looked like they were having so much fun. They were so cool and they got to do so many fun things. It turns out I wasn’t wrong.

I spent my two years of junior high buying in to “youth group” and doing my best to be at all the events. Then I did the same in my four years of high school. I think I got lucky and had a group of fellow students who wanted to be part of a community and leaders who wanted to cultivate that kind of environment. I can’t begin to explain in a single blog post how valuable my time spent at youth group was as I was growing up, but here goes nothing…

I really believe that youth group volunteers have the power to be some of the most influential people in the lives of students. I can tell you confidently that God placed my youth group leaders in my life to change it. Without them and the experiences I had I’m honestly not sure where I would be. See, as I was going through those formative years, my home life was splintering apart. It was those Sunday mornings and Thursday nights where I felt like I belonged to something bigger. Where I felt like I was part of a family who loved me and with people who wanted to see me grow. It was those days where my leader took me out to lunch that I’ll never forget. Any extra time spent with these people, the adults I looked up to, was revolutionary for me. Truly.

Because of these experiences I knew I had to pursue some type of student ministry as I moved into college and adult life. I’ve been volunteering with my church’s junior high group for about the last five years. It’s been such a ride and I wouldn’t have rather spent these years any other way. It’s the least I could do to give back what I feel was given to me. So I guess if you’ll let me I wanted to issue a challenge to anyone who might be reading this. Step up, get involved in the lives of some younger people. You may not ever know how much you mean to them, but I promise you they are looking. Whether you’re already involved or not at all. Take an extra step. If you’re already volunteering in some way make it a point to get really involved in a student’s life, find out about what sports they play, find out about their family life. You might be shocked at how eager and willing they are to learn from you and spend more time with you.

I graduated from youth group and never wanted to leave. I experienced first hand what impact relationships born from student-leader interactions can have. I knew I had to be willing to let God use me in whatever way He wanted.  I tried to  be the type of person that my leaders were for me and I’d encourage all of you to try your hand and see what mark you can leave on your student’s lives. One question, one conversation could turn everything around. You just have to be willing to take that extra step.

Jordan Mears never actually left junior high. He’s a 22-year old college student serving in his fifth year as a junior high small group leader at South Church in Lansing, MI. He co-founded the Dons, a legendary church softball dynasty and currently works as a sports copy editor for the Lansing State Journal.

 

Guest Post: 1 Catastrophe>50 Youth Groups

I’m the most organized person I know.  If you know me you probably agree.  If you don’t know me, let me send you an outline and schedule of how and when we can get together to become friends.  This is why I hate when things go awry.

After 7 years of working in student ministry I have learned that there is no amount planning that can prepare you for the things that can (and will) go wrong when you’re working with students.

Anytime I hang out with high school students who have been around our student ministry for a while, the conversation tends to drift toward those chaotic events we all want to forget.  “Do you remember when…

…when we got lost in Canada?”
…when everyone on the bus puked the whole way back from NC?”
…when Sean busted his face open on the tubing hill and his eye was falling out?”
…when they served us raw chicken at camp?”
…when the police showed up?”
…when you lost the Hecht family’s cat?”

Sigh.  Yes, I remember.  I recall every ridiculous thing that has ever gone wrong at every camp, mission trip and event we’ve ever done and so does everyone else.   Why can’t anyone ever bring up the time we flawlessly served 350 cupcakes to our graduates and families?  Or the time we came back from a mission trip on schedule with no injuries?  No one remembers the brilliant teachings, artistically perfect worship sets or flawlessly executed events.

But, even with all of my type ‘A’ tendencies, I am completely fine with that.  Students are going to remember the catastrophes.  That’s where stories get interesting and memories are made.  When it comes to building relationships, one catastrophe is worth 50 nights of youth group.  So instead of freaking out, capitalize on the good fortune!

When things go wrong and you manage to right the ship and carry on, you build an extra supply of relational equity with your students.  They will remember that you took control, made it work, and didn’t freak out (ok, maybe you freaked out a little).  In the end, the crazy times reveal who you really are.  When students see you in the midst of struggle and chaos it breaks down barriers and opens the door for greater ministry.

So, the next time all of your buses get stuck on the way to snow camp (not that it has ever happened to us…..twice) try to remember that you’ve hit the jackpot!  You’re creating memories and experiences that will connect you to your students for a lifeline.

 

Christina Thelen has been involved in student ministry for 7 years.  That’s 49 dog years.  For the last 4 years she has served as the Department Coordinator of LifeLine–the student ministry of Ada Bible Church.

 

How I Got Fat

When you go off to college everyone and their mom warns you about the “freshmen 15.”  Although many of us gain a little weight (the research I’ve read shows it to be 10 not 15) at least we were warned about the repercussions of the college lifestyle.  I mean let’s be honest, if you tried to eat and live like you did in college while in your 40s you’d be dead within 3 years.  So, when we ended up 10 pounds heavier after our freshman year we knew we had no one to blame—except that dang roommate who always wanted to hit up Denny’s at 2 AM.

I just wish that someone had warned me about the “first year forty”.  Before I became a student pastor, I was fit.  I played beach volleyball four times a week and I worked as a water well driller.  When I became a student pastor I went from being highly active to highly sedative.  I sat behind my desk planning brilliant games and teachings and when I did leave my office I went to Biggby (the coffee shop of choice in Lansing, MI) and drank ginormous lattes.  As you know, a necessary ingredient of relational ministry is always a 400 calorie latte.  And let’s not forget the official food of American student ministry…pizza.

And who knew that student ministry is stressful?  Somehow I came into my first job with a skewed perception of what the job would actually be like.  I thought it would be as simple as orchestrating epic games of chubby bunny (a dangerous and also fattening game), strumming my guitar (only 150 calories burnt per hour) and teaching kids about Jesus (calories burnt negated by pre-teaching donut).  Student ministry can be very stressful and what do you do when you get stressed?  Eat ice cream.

The first sign of my plummeting condition was an uncle at a graduation open house who slapped my expanding belly and exclaimed, “Your wife’s cooking has been good to you huh?”  Wait…what?  I’m confused.  I’m not fat.  I’m a beach volleyball player.  We all have amazing bodies and are insanely hot (see Olympics footage).  The next day I took a good hard look in the mirror and was shocked by what I saw—a fat guy who looked remarkably like me.   My girth units (Brian Regan fans laugh now) hit me like a freight train.  Somehow I missed the truth.  I had become a fat guy.

Has anyone else had this experience?  No one warned me.  Clearly it wasn’t my fault.  I was doing the work of the LORD!  Who knew that lattes and pizza make people fat?  I thought there was some sort of Holy Spirit fat force field.  I was dead wrong—about 40 pounds wrong.  I know a few of you have had the same experience.  Let those of you who are just launching out into student ministry be warned about the “first year forty.”

 

3 Things Guys Must Understand About Sex

A few weeks ago I wrote 4 pieces on what girls need to know about sex.  Since then many people have asked me to write the same stuff for guys.  So I did.  I wrote 3 posts for The Youth Culture Report Blog.  I think they’ll be helpful if you are a parent of a guy, have guys in your student ministry, are a guy, know a guy or have heard about guys.  Here’s an excerpt:

God invented sex.  No, for real.  At some point God called his angels around and said, “I just had an idea.  A really good idea.  No Gabriel, way better than volcanos.”  OK, I know that’s not how God actually works, but God did invent sex.  It was His idea and it was an awesome idea—probably the awesomest idea ever. 

Check out the rest of the post:  3 Things Guys Must Know About Sexuality

 

If you’re interested in the 4 posts on talking to girls about sex, you can find them here:

3 Things Girls Must Know About Sexuality

3 Things Girls Must Know About Sexuality Part 2

3 Things Girls Must Know About Sexuality Part 3

4 Traps That Will Derail a Girl’s Dreams

 

3 Things Girls Must Know about Sexuality: Part 2

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A few weeks ago I gave a talk to our female high school students in which I asked them if I could practice a talk on them that I planned to have with my own daughters when they were older.  Today’s post is the second of three parts in this conversation.

Here’s where we’re at:  If you want to see you dreams come true in terms of relationships and romance you must first answer this question:  “Who am I?”  The second question you need to wrestle with is this:

What Do I Want?

  • Treasured

I would argue that when it comes to the realm of romance, what you want is The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks.  And by that I don’t mean all that gross stuff in the beginning of the movie with the piano in that old house, or even that cute lying down in the middle of the street scene.

I’m talking about how the husband relentlessly pursues his wife for all of her life.  He never gives up on her, fights for her, loves her passionately and sticks by her side despite the fact that she loses her marbles and doesn’t even know who he is.  That movie is guaranteed to make you cry because it speaks to your deepest and most secret desire.  You want to be treasured.  You want to be fought for.  You want a man to treat you like a princess, not just when you are young and beautiful but when you are old, saggy and senile.

  • Who Can Treasure You?

So, here’s my question:  what kind of guy will love you like that?  Some of you already have the experience to know that the answer is not, “any good looking guy who notices you.” The honest truth is, not every guy you run into can love you like that.  Let me say it another way, not every guy you fall for has the moral fabric to produce that kind of love.  Not every guy who chases you can love you like that.  Not every guy who tells you that you are beautiful is willing and able to treasure you.  It takes strong character and inner security to pursue a woman like that.  It has to be a quality man who has built his life on Jesus because in my opinion only Jesus can produce that kind of love.

  • Don’t Sacrifice Your Dreams!

This is my challenge:  Don’t base your dating decisions on what you want today or even what you want next week.  Base your dating decisions on what you want in thirty years.  Instead of imagining a hot date on Friday night, imagine two rocking chairs parked awkwardly close to each other on an old familiar porch.  Do not sacrifice your dreams for temporary fulfillment.

The unfortunate reality of our culture is that 90% of the guys who will show interest in you do not possess the character required to treasure you and love you in the way you really want and deserve.  And yet, you will have days when you are lonely.  There will be seasons of life in which every one of your friends is in love and you have no one.  I understand that being patient isn’t easy.  But hey, when you get lonely eat some ice cream—for reals.  Instead of texting that boy who isn’t worth your time, eat a snickers.  Don’t sacrifice your dreams for the attention of some boy who doesn’t have it in him to treasure you.  You are much too valuable for that.

And remember who you are.  Until you embrace your identity in Jesus and understand how desperately your creator loves you, you will not be strong enough to exercise the patience that it takes to wait for the right kind of guy.  Work on your identity.  You will never be more loved than you are right now.

3 Things Girls Must Know About Sexuality

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A few weeks ago I talked to our female high school students and leaders about sexuality.  I began by introducing them to my daughters through a picture on the screen behind me.  I asked them for permission to practice a conversation I planned to have with my daughters when they get a little older.  The next three days of my blog will be devoted to what I said.

If you want to see your dreams come true—in terms of relationships and marriage, and I know all of you have an image in your mind of what your wedding will be like, down to the dress and the colors—then you have to be able to answer three questions.

Who am I?

  • You are a Masterpiece

First, you need to understand that as women you are the pinnacle of God’s creative abilities.  He created you last.   You’re the, “Now I’m just showing off” part of creation.  Every artist has a masterpiece and for the artist who built the universe, you’re it.  I get the impression from the scriptures that God is incredibly proud of “woman.”  You should take comfort and pride in your beautiful uniqueness.

And understand this:   God implanted a ridiculously powerful magnetic pull within men to be enamored with you. Perhaps you’ve experienced our eyes following you.  Kind of awkward I know but we are created to be drawn to you.  In our minds, you and more specifically your body are more alluring and beautiful than mountains, waterfalls, sunsets, shootings stars, and anything else that you can think of.  God has given you an incredible and special gift and that gift is your sexuality.  How you use it is completely up to you.  You can waste it or invest it.

  • You are Desperately Loved

Not only are you incredibly valuable to God as the masterpiece of His creation, but you are also desperately loved.  Jesus became a human, suffered and died and was raised back to life in order to rescue you from your sin and rebellion.  God loves you, and I mean you specifically, enough to sacrifice His very life to bring you back to Him.  Understand this:  you will never be more loved than you are right now.  No one or nothing could make you more loved than you already are.  You are desperately loved.

Secondly, you need to understand that your beauty is anchored in what God has said about you.  Psalm 139:13-14 tells us that God knit you together in your mother’s womb.  In case you were wondering, humans are not mass produced.  God lovingly creates each one of us individually.  He takes immense satisfaction in who you are.  He personally constructed your personality and body.  Hear this, He purposely gave you the body that you live in and he is immensely happy with it.

  • Beauty is NOT Defined by Culture

In our culture, “what is beautiful” is defined by a bunch of fat, gross rich guys who’ve been divorced 15 times, sitting in a gaudy office making a crap-ton of money from exploiting women.  If you take your cue from them you will always struggle with not feeling good about yourself.

Each of us needs to decide where we will look when it comes to our identity and value.  You can choose to look up or look around.  When you look up you listen to what God has said about you then you become grounded in the reality that you are God’s masterpiece—handcrafted and desperately loved.  When you look around you are resigned to comparing your body to the magazine rack and internet cartoon women.  Computer cursers elongate them, make them bigger in some parts, smaller in others and shade their faces like a coloring book.  In our culture, the standard for beauty is a cartoon.  This isn’t fair and if you fall into the trap of comparing your body with a cartoon you’ll constantly struggle with feeling good about yourself.

My prayer for you is that you would look up and understand how beautiful, amazing, treasured and important you are.  You will never be more loved than you are in this moment.  Live in this reality and you will find life.

When you truly understand who you are in Jesus and begin to live out of that identity you become more and more whole and at peace every day.  When you are at peace and content with who you are then you are ready to love and be loved by someone else.  In other words, when your identity is built around Jesus you will become emotionally healthy enough to pursue your relational dreams.

Building a Fan Base for Your Student Ministry

I learned early on in my student ministry career how important it is to have a strong fan base.  And, I’m not talking about students.  I can’t overstate how valuable it is to have zealous adult fans—particularly adults who have influence within your church.  When you do something dumb like leave a kid at winter retreat (in my defense he was extraordinarily short) or when it comes time to convince your senior pastor that you need a ginormous new student building, having a group of fans who will go to bat for you is a huge advantage.  So, how do you build a strong fan base?  Here are a few ideas.

 

A Trustworthy Brand Creates Fans

We love brands because in a fast moving and ever changing culture, good brands consistently deliver trustworthy products.  Once we decide which brands represent who we are, most of us stay incredibly committed for life.  This is because we can trust Apple or Starbucks or Nike to consistently deliver products and experiences that wow us.

In our student ministry we attempt to capitalize on the reality of our consumer driven culture by building a trustworthy brand.  The biggest part of this is delivering consistently great experiences.  We want our students to know that they will experience hilarious videos, high quality worship music, an engaging teaching and small groups led by adults who care about them and are interested in their lives.  By design, we don’t attempt to do much more than this.  By keeping our structure simple and delivering a high quality “product” week after week we build trust in our brand and by extension a stronger fan base

 

Happy Volunteers Become Zealous Fans

I am convinced that the smartest thing you can do as a student ministry leader is invest in volunteers more than students.  If your volunteers are well trained, well cared for and serving in ways that are meaningful and life giving, they will become huge fans.  I’m talking about the kind of fans that will storm the field after a win and throw obnoxiously gross stuff at the ref when he blows a call.  If you think about it, you want both celebratory passion and angsty (just invented that word) passion on your side.

If your volunteers love serving in your ministry, not only will they amplify your ministry’s effectiveness but when they move on to other volunteering opportunities, or parenthood or whatever, they will continue as lifelong fans of your ministry.  Translation: That 22 year old volunteer will becomes a 35 year old board member who shows up for the budget meeting with your ministry’s logo painted on his bare chest, carrying a placard reading, “Mo Money! for [insert your ministry’s name].”  And isn’t that the kind of passionate fans we want in our corner?

 

Happy Parents Become Zealous Fans

Unfortunately, we as student pastors have a reputation for being screw offs.  What I mean is that we are more likely to get a chuckle and a roll of the eyes than a nod of respect.  This isn’t really a good thing when it comes to building a fan base.

Parents can be powerful allies and fearsome enemies.  I don’t have to explain this because you already know.  Here’s the thing, when you understand what parents want and play to their desires, 90% of parents will become zealous fans.  Don’t worry about the 10%, they are crazy.

Anyway, what is it that parents want?  Trustworthiness.  They want pastors, small group leaders, and an overall ministry structure that they can trust.  What builds trust?  Consistency—Consistent communication, a consistent schedule, consistent behavior from small group leaders, consistent responses to questions and concerns , consistent, consistent, consistent.  Parenting a teenager is a big ol’ bucket o’ chaos.  When we offer an oasis of consistency and trustworthiness, parents are very likely to jump on the student ministry bandwagon and when parents are happy they become zealous fans.

I know there is much more to be said about building a student ministry fan base, but this is a bit of what I’ve learned.  I’d love to hear a few of your ideas.

 

College Transition: 4+Life

A few nights ago was the season finale of our senior cell family.  In our ministry structure, cell families are regional collections of 6 small groups.  One of the things we do to help our students with college transition is cluster all of our senior small groups into their own cell family.  We meet together every other week and talk about transitioning into adulthood.  Last night was the last cell family of the year.   It’s tradition for us to give our small group leaders the floor on the last night and let them share their final words of advice to our graduating seniors.  They all shared from the platform of years invested in their small group so their words carried some weight for all and immense weight for a few.

One of our leaders said something that I will remember for the rest of my life—something that reminds me that connecting small groups of students with a caring adult is probably the most important thing we do.  This particular leader said, “Whatever happens from here on out, whatever mistakes you make, we want you to know that we are here for you for the rest of your lives.”  The beautiful thing is that I know from watching her lead her small group that she meant every word of that statement and I know the same is true for the other leaders sitting around that circle.

Ever since I heard Kara Powell explain the core concepts of Sticky Faith in a breakout session at the Simply Youth Ministry Conference, I have made the “4+1” concept a key component of our volunteer recruiting and training.  We’ve asked for a four year commitment for as long as I can remember but we began visioning volunteers to continue mentoring their students during their first year of college.  I believe that this concept has made a significant impact in the lives of our graduates.

Here’s the clincher:  if you recruit the right people and vision them the right way, not only will they give you 4+1, they will give you 4+life.   I understand that not every leader has this kind of capacity and not every small group relationally cements together in this way but even if only half of them do—think of the incredible lifelong impact our student ministries could have.  This is why I believe that nothing we do is more important that leveraging inter-generational mentoring relationships.  Life-changing student ministry isn’t complicated.  Find adults who love Jesus and are willing to love a handful of students, equip and vision the heck out of them and unleash them to be the pastors in your ministry.  4+life.