I hate rules. I really do. I’m still not sure how I survived the rule rich environment of Moody Bible Institute. I think it’s because somewhere along the way I recognized the value of boundaries. Let me explain with a story…
As a young youth pastor in my first position, we embarked on a yearly sojourn to Cedar Point–if you’re not from the Midwest, this is a massive amusement park filled with roller coasters, fried everything you can imagine and the highest mullet per capita anywhere.
After an epic day of G-forces, sunburn and chasing down make-out-minded teenagers, we would arrive back at the church at 11:00 PM and I would wait FOREVER for parents to pick up their kids. I know you’ve been there. On this particular night, I was more than a little exhausted and one girl’s parents had still not shown up after 45 minutes. I called her house and woke up her dad who mumbled something about having to work at 4 AM, a missing car and something else that I didn’t hear because I was so angry.
In frustration and exhaustion I drove her home myself. Fail. At the time I didn’t realize how bad this idea was. In fact, at this point in my career, I regularly met with female students, leaders, and parents one-on-one in coffee shops–sometimes even driving alone with them. I just thought that’s what a youth pastor did.
I didn’t think much about how dangerous these meetings were until a few years later when one of the girls in our ministry invented a story about a fictitious guy who had raped her. It took months for law enforcement to sort out that she was lying but an enormous amount of damage had been done to her reputation.
This is when it hit me that she easily could have made that story up about me or one of my volunteers. Any number of the troubled students I worked with could have invented a story that involved me. Suddenly, I realized the precarious nature of my role.
One student could destroy my career and life with a few well timed lies. And yet, I firmly believe that God has called me to serve these students. What to do?
How do we balance our calling with protecting ourselves and those who serve with us? We must serve smarter. We need to place boundaries around ourselves, our volunteers and our ministries. I hate rules but we must face reality.
Our church and student ministry has spent the last few years thinking through these difficult questions, sometimes against our will. Here’s a list of precautions we take. I encourage you to think through the list and consider how vulnerable your ministry is. Also, please add anything you feel is missing.
One-on-One Meetings
- We do not allow our staff or volunteers to do one-one-one meetings with the opposition gender–not even in public places
- We document every one-on-one meeting between an adult and student
- We require parent approval for every one-on-one meeting
- We ensure that another volunteer or staff member knows in advance about each one-on-one meeting.
Troubled Students and Abuse
- We have brought CPS and law enforcement representatives into our staff and volunteer training meetings to create clarity about mandatory reporting.
- We have created clear lines for when a student has become a threat to the safety of our students and we regularly ask students to take a break from our ministry.
- We have a professional counselor on our staff who guides us through every difficult student or family issue that we face. This person connects us with other professional counselors or services when needed.
Security
- We have a security coordinator who is a former law enforcement officer who constantly evaluates and advises us on security issues.
- We background check every adult who is present during our weekly programs.
- We lock our doors before and after check-in and during the entirety of our program.
- We have trained security personnel present at all of our events.
I understand that this stuff is about as fun as a root canal but it is important and necessary. We must create safeguards because they protect the integrity of our ministries and they build trust with students and parents.
So, what are your safeguards?
Photo by Calignosus
