When you go off to college everyone and their mom warns you about the “freshmen 15.” Although many of us gain a little weight (the research I’ve read shows it to be 10 not 15) at least we were warned about the repercussions of the college lifestyle. I mean let’s be honest, if you tried to eat and live like you did in college while in your 40s you’d be dead within 3 years. So, when we ended up 10 pounds heavier after our freshman year we knew we had no one to blame—except that dang roommate who always wanted to hit up Denny’s at 2 AM.
I just wish that someone had warned me about the “first year forty”. Before I became a student pastor, I was fit. I played beach volleyball four times a week and I worked as a water well driller. When I became a student pastor I went from being highly active to highly sedative. I sat behind my desk planning brilliant games and teachings and when I did leave my office I went to Biggby (the coffee shop of choice in Lansing, MI) and drank ginormous lattes. As you know, a necessary ingredient of relational ministry is always a 400 calorie latte. And let’s not forget the official food of American student ministry…pizza.
And who knew that student ministry is stressful? Somehow I came into my first job with a skewed perception of what the job would actually be like. I thought it would be as simple as orchestrating epic games of chubby bunny (a dangerous and also fattening game), strumming my guitar (only 150 calories burnt per hour) and teaching kids about Jesus (calories burnt negated by pre-teaching donut). Student ministry can be very stressful and what do you do when you get stressed? Eat ice cream.
The first sign of my plummeting condition was an uncle at a graduation open house who slapped my expanding belly and exclaimed, “Your wife’s cooking has been good to you huh?” Wait…what? I’m confused. I’m not fat. I’m a beach volleyball player. We all have amazing bodies and are insanely hot (see Olympics footage). The next day I took a good hard look in the mirror and was shocked by what I saw—a fat guy who looked remarkably like me. My girth units (Brian Regan fans laugh now) hit me like a freight train. Somehow I missed the truth. I had become a fat guy.
Has anyone else had this experience? No one warned me. Clearly it wasn’t my fault. I was doing the work of the LORD! Who knew that lattes and pizza make people fat? I thought there was some sort of Holy Spirit fat force field. I was dead wrong—about 40 pounds wrong. I know a few of you have had the same experience. Let those of you who are just launching out into student ministry be warned about the “first year forty.”
