A few weeks ago I gave a talk to our female high school students in which I asked them if I could practice a talk on them that I planned to have with my own daughters when they were older. Today’s post is the second of three parts in this conversation.
Here’s where we’re at: If you want to see you dreams come true in terms of relationships and romance you must first answer this question: “Who am I?” The second question you need to wrestle with is this:
What Do I Want?
- Treasured
I would argue that when it comes to the realm of romance, what you want is The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. And by that I don’t mean all that gross stuff in the beginning of the movie with the piano in that old house, or even that cute lying down in the middle of the street scene.
I’m talking about how the husband relentlessly pursues his wife for all of her life. He never gives up on her, fights for her, loves her passionately and sticks by her side despite the fact that she loses her marbles and doesn’t even know who he is. That movie is guaranteed to make you cry because it speaks to your deepest and most secret desire. You want to be treasured. You want to be fought for. You want a man to treat you like a princess, not just when you are young and beautiful but when you are old, saggy and senile.
- Who Can Treasure You?
So, here’s my question: what kind of guy will love you like that? Some of you already have the experience to know that the answer is not, “any good looking guy who notices you.” The honest truth is, not every guy you run into can love you like that. Let me say it another way, not every guy you fall for has the moral fabric to produce that kind of love. Not every guy who chases you can love you like that. Not every guy who tells you that you are beautiful is willing and able to treasure you. It takes strong character and inner security to pursue a woman like that. It has to be a quality man who has built his life on Jesus because in my opinion only Jesus can produce that kind of love.
- Don’t Sacrifice Your Dreams!
This is my challenge: Don’t base your dating decisions on what you want today or even what you want next week. Base your dating decisions on what you want in thirty years. Instead of imagining a hot date on Friday night, imagine two rocking chairs parked awkwardly close to each other on an old familiar porch. Do not sacrifice your dreams for temporary fulfillment.
The unfortunate reality of our culture is that 90% of the guys who will show interest in you do not possess the character required to treasure you and love you in the way you really want and deserve. And yet, you will have days when you are lonely. There will be seasons of life in which every one of your friends is in love and you have no one. I understand that being patient isn’t easy. But hey, when you get lonely eat some ice cream—for reals. Instead of texting that boy who isn’t worth your time, eat a snickers. Don’t sacrifice your dreams for the attention of some boy who doesn’t have it in him to treasure you. You are much too valuable for that.
And remember who you are. Until you embrace your identity in Jesus and understand how desperately your creator loves you, you will not be strong enough to exercise the patience that it takes to wait for the right kind of guy. Work on your identity. You will never be more loved than you are right now.
