Tag: School

Back to School | Parents

One of the rules about being a teenager is that you must think that your parents are dumb.  I don’t exactly know where this idea came from but it’s everywhere in our culture.  It’s in just about every movie and TV show about teenagers that you’ll ever watch.  “Parents just don’t understand”.  Parents are out of touch.  Parents just want to ruin your life.

I’ve been there.  I remember feeling the same way.   I was a teenager…last century.  The central role of an adolescent is to learn to become independent—to become an adult.  This process of becoming independent is messy, especially when parents have a hard time letting go.  With all that said, two things have changed my perspective on parents:  student ministry and becoming a parent myself.

As I close out this week’s series on going back to school, my goal is that you would reconsider your attitude and relationship toward your parents.  Hang with me and I think you’ll find it worthwhile.

EVERY PARENT WANTS TO BE A GOOD PARENT

Over the last 10 years of student ministry I’ve spent time with 100s of families.  I’ve interacted with so many parents.  And over time and in all of those conversations I have never once run into a parent who wanted to be a bad parent.  Not a single parent was trying to rob their child of fun.  Sure, I’ve run into parents who struggled in different ways and some who were dysfunctional, but never once did I run into a parent who wanted to be a terrible parent.

If you are a student, your mom and dad want to be good parents.  They want what is best for you and they want you to have a great life.  The next time you’re in a heated argument about how much time you get on the X-box or whether or not you are allowed to go on a date with Marvin, just remember that your parents truly want to be good parents and truly want what is best for you.

NO ONE LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOUR PARENTS

I discovered this truth exactly 2 seconds into my son Keegan’s life.  A doctor held up a tiny purple baby covered in slime and blood with an alien looking cord attached to its belly and I fell desperately and irreversibly in love—how could you not?  In that moment, my entire world changed forever.  I knew in an instant that nothing could ever make me laugh this little helpless baby more or less that I already did.  My heart exploded with more love and devotion that I ever thought was possible.  Just sitting down to write these memories down brings a flood of tears to my eyes. 

If you are wondering, I experienced the same phenomenon with each of my four kids and I guarantee that your parents experienced the same thing with you.  No matter what is going on, regardless of how strained your relationship is, I guarantee you that your parents love you with a fierce and devoted love that is beyond what you can understand until find yourself in a delivery room meeting your own baby for the first time. 

YOUR PARENTS ARE SMARTER THAN YOU

Depending on your personality, it may take a hand to the stove, a bad financial decision, or a wrecked life but at some point you will recognize that your parents are smarter than you.  I know this isn’t what you want to hear but it’s a simple lesson in mathematics.  Your parents have lived at least twice as long as you have and life smarts come from experience.  Your parents have twice the life experience that you do.  They’ve had twice as many victories, mistakes, joys, heartbreaks, relationships and crises as you have.   It would be wise to listen to their advice.

YOU NEED YOUR PARENTS

The last thing I want you to consider is that you need your parents.  The future is a hard road.  College does not pay for itself and the most unemployed demographic in our society right now is 23 and fresh out of college.  Many are finding that surviving on their own is next to impossible. 

You will need your parents’ wisdom, home, money, and relational support.  The worst thing you can do as a teenager is treat your parents like garbage—like they are useless and worthless to you.  Your parents are the most valuable resource that you have in this life and they love you desperately. 

My hope, as you launch this year, is that you would reconsider how you think about and treat your parents.  No one loves you more than your mom and dad.

Back to School | Friends

Have you ever done anything dumb?  I mean really dumb?  I’m sure you have because I have too.  If I had to guess, I bet you didn’t do that dumb thing alone.  Or at least, you didn’t come up with the idea on your own.  You probably did that dumb thing with someone else or at least watched someone else do it and decided to try it out for yourself.  That’s the way we work.

We are deeply influenced by the people around us—far more than we want to admit.  My friend Jon has a saying, “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.”  He probably stole this phrase from some famous speaker or writer but I can’t figure out who, so for now, we’ll just credit the saying to Jon.

In any case, I think Jon is right on.  None of the major mistakes of my life are original to me.  I learned the behavior from my friends.  The perfect example is pornography.  I didn’t even know that such a thing existed until that ill-fated afternoon my friend discovered a dirty VHS tape in his parents’ bedroom and showed it to me.  It was the same story with stealing, using girls and the “F” bomb.  I would have never thought to do those things until someone showed me.

PROVERBS

I love the book of Proverbs.  The idea that an old guy wrote down a bunch of advice for a younger guy in the form of poetry really intrigues me.  I sort of wish someone would do that for me.  Anyway, one of the more helpful sayings in the Proverbs goes like this:

Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. (Proverbs 13:20)

The basic idea of this saying is that you become like the people you hang out with.  With wise people you become wise and with fools you become a fool.  Personally, I believe this is spot on.  Over the course of my life, I’ve noticed that I watch the TV shows my friends watch.  My moral standards slide up or down based on who I’m hanging out with and my laugh even changes to become more like my friends.

I also believe that the closer the friend is, the more influence they have over you.  Best friends and the people we date possess an incredible power over us.  It has nothing to do with being weak or giving into peer pressure, it’s simply how life works.  I think is how we are designed.  Community and relationships are incredibly important and influential to us all.

EVALUATE

So, if all this is true—Jon’s theory and the book of Proverbs, we all need to evaluate our friendships.  If we are going to become just like our friends we should probably really like who they are.  Do you like the decisions your friends make?  Do you agree with their moral standards?  Do you like how they treat people?  Are they wise or are they fools?

There have been 2 times in my life, once during my sophomore year of high school and once during my freshman year of college in which I chose to migrate friend groups.  In both cases, I looked around and realized that I didn’t want to become like the people I was spending all my time with.  In high school, I realized that I didn’t want my life to be characterized by partying, porn and vandalism so I peaced out.  I told my friends why I was breaking up with them and then bounced.  Yes it was painful and lonely and they mocked me brutally but in the end it was very good for me.  God provided new friends who led me closer to Him.

BACK TO SCHOOL           

As you reenter the school scene, are you happy with your social situation?  Will your friends lead you to greater life, purpose, and meaning?  Do you like who you are becoming?  Are you hanging with the wise or with fools?  If you know you need a change, the fall season is a great time to migrate.

 

Photo Credited to JDConway

Back to School | Dating

Halfway through 6th grade my life changed in a 30 second conversation.  In all the years leading up to this conversation I was a boy focused on WWF wrestling and comic books.  For many years after, I have been struggling to figure out this complex, beautiful, thrilling thing called love.

I was sitting at my desk as class let out, probably contemplating how many pop cans I needed to return to the local D&W store in order to pay for the latest issue of The Uncanny X-Men when a girl I barely knew walked over to me and spit out,

“Hey, that girl over there thinks you’re cute.”

[11 year old Aaron stares at her blankly]

“She wants to go with you.”

“Go with me?  Where?”

“She likes you, you moron.”

“What does she like?”

“SHE WANTS TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!  Now go over there and ask her to go with you!”

A little cultural clarification if you are younger than 30.  “Going with someone” meant that you were dating them.  I have no idea who thought up that phrase and yes, it’s dumb.

Anyway, I asked that girl out.  She said yes and then we periodically held hands, skated the couples skate at the school skating party, never talked once and then broke up a few weeks later.  Dating in 6th grade in the 1980s.  So beautiful.

BACK TO SCHOOL

I tell you this story because I’m blogging this week about going back to school and today I’m writing about dating and why we date.  After my first “girlfriend” experience, as lame as it was, I really never stopped dating until a close friend in college who had a long ponytail and a broadsword challenged me to give up dating for a year in order to figure myself out and stop hurting people.  Since I tend to listen to people wielding broadswords, I agreed.  It was one of the best decisions I ever made.

You see, somewhere in middle school I became addicted to dating.  I liked the way it made me feel.  I began to crave the feelings that came with it.  I needed that hot flood of supercharged emotion that smacks you in the gut when you discover that someone has a crush on you.  It made me feel alive and worth something.  Middle school was a rough time for me because I didn’t feel like I was worth anything—not remotely.

And so I dated Jill and Jennifer, Missy, Jamie, another Jennifer, Sarah, another Jennifer after that and basically any girl who said that she liked me.  I did all of this because it made me feel special.  And while my “going with” different girls didn’t really do any damage to me or them in middle school (because I never actually talked to them), it did set a pattern of behavior that did hurt me and others very badly in high school and after.

VALUE AND WORTH

I hurt myself and others because of why I dated.  I did it because it made me feel valuable.  Only later did I piece together that dating people in order to make yourself feel better is dangerous.  In fact, doing just about anything to make yourself feel valuable is dangerous.  I was heavily influenced by what people said and thought and I didn’t treat girls with respect because they were merely a vehicle toward my own happiness.

Later in life, I discovered how much God loves me.  I learned about the value I have as His creation.  I learned that He loved me enough to die in my place.

Essentially, I uncovered that I’ll never be more loved than I am in this moment.  No one could bring more love into my life than I already possess through my Creator and Savior.  Once I discovered this and began to live out of this identity, my life and specifically, dating changed dramatically.  Dating stopped being about feeling valuable and more about learning another person.

NO ONE CAN LOVE YOU MORE  

As you begin this year, I would plead with you to examine why it is that you date or want to date.  As harmless as it seems, dating because you don’t feel valuable or loved is a dangerous game.  Rest in the truth that you’ll never be more loved than you already are in this moment, right here and right now.  No one, no matter how sweet, beautiful, rugged, handsome, sexy, or nice can bring more love into your life than you already possess in Jesus.

When you understand how loved and valuable you are, dating is much safer on your heart and the people around you.

 

 

photo credited to michaelnpatterson

Back to School | Past and Future

I love listening to John Mayer.  In my opinion, he is the best songwriter of this generation.  On my favorite Mayer album is a song called “I Don’t Trust Myself.”  The basic message of the song is that he doesn’t trust himself with loving the girl he loves because of the relational dysfunction of his past.  In his words, “If the past is any sign of your future, you should be warned before I let you inside.”  Wait, now I need to go listen to the song…

OK, I’m back.  This week my blog is devoted to going back to school.  Yesterday, I wrote about identity and labels and how important it is for us to live out of our true identity instead of the labels people give us.

THE PAST           

Today, I want to talk about the past and the future.  For many of us, the past is haunting.  If you’ve lived for any length of time, you probably have massive regrets.  All of us have skeletons in the closet, whether things done to us or that we’ve done ourselves that we hope to God will never come out into the light.

Not only are most of us embarrassed by the past, but we’re also deeply shaped by it.  I firmly believe that life is a path.  Where you are today is directly affected by where you were yesterday.  You are walking in a direction.  The decisions you have made are taking you somewhere—to a future you may or may not like.  If I sound like a genius right now, I’m not.  I stole the entire concept from Andy Stanley.

BOUND

The mistake that most of us make is that we falsely believe that the past binds us.  We believe that because he did that to me, we aren’t valuable.  Because she said that about me it must be true for all of time.  Because I made that mistake it doesn’t make any difference if I make it again.

We believe that the past defines us.  And while it is true that the past influences us, we must understand that we have a choice in the matter.  The past doesn’t define your future.  All of life is a path.  Your decisions yesterday and today do influence where you are going but you always have a choice.  You can always choose to turn to the left or turn around completely.

A NEW YEAR

As you begin the school year, I want to draw your attention to a simple and yet revolutionary verse found in the New Testament:

“…anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.  The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Maybe last year was the worst year of your life.  Maybe last week was terrible.  Maybe yesterday was a day to forget.  Today is new.  Mornings are a reboot.  A new school year is a chance to relaunch.  In Christ, you are a new person.  Whatever defined your past does not define your future.  In Jesus, you are a child of God and your future is full of incredible potential.

Your mistakes do not define you.  The sins done against you do not define you.  This new school year is an opportunity to pursue a new path.  May you choose to redefine your future based on who you are in Christ.

 

 

Back to School | Identity

My middle and high school experiences were simultaneously awesome and horrible.  Some of my best memories and worst nightmares happened between grades 6-12.  This week I’m offering up some advice on how to thrive, or if that’s a little too strong, survive school this year.

WHO AM I?

The most important question a person can answer is simply this, “Who am I?”  Every person wrestles with this question and must constantly define and redefine the answer.  What makes you, you?  What gives you value and worth?  Are you the smart one?  The athletic one?  The beautiful one?  The depressed one?  The gamer one?  The angry one?  The quiet one?  The funny one?  What is it that makes you special and unique?

Most of us also struggle because we’ve been labeled.  Once the people around you label you, it’s hard to break out.  Whether it’s true or not, people begin to think of you as your label.  At different times in my life, I’ve been labeled as “angry guy,” “spiritual guy,” “dates too much guy” and “funny guy.”  I found each of these labels constricting and binding.  At times, I didn’t know how to break out and get back to being “just me guy.”  Sometimes labels even take on prophetic properties and define our futures.

LABELS

Recently, my friend Jon VerLee gave an amazing talk about labels at our summer camp.  One of the things he said really grabbed my attention.  He said that in the business world, the only people who are allowed to label a product are the people who made the product.  If I create a computer, you have no right to give it a name and a logo.  That’s my right and privilege because I made it.  Only the maker has the right to label.

Maybe it’s the same way with people.  I believe that God created me.  He formed me and gave me my personality and talents.  He gave me my lanky, semi-athletic body, my brown eyes and goofy laugh.  My sense of humor, propensity to dream big and tendency to talk before listening were His ideas.

According to what I read in the Bible, God is happy with how He made me and I’m exactly how He wanted me to be.  He has labeled me as His.  I belong to Him.  I am His adopted Son and treasured possession.  He has the right to label me because He made me.

And here’s the thing, you don’t have the right to label me because you didn’t make me.  And, I don’t have the right to label you because I didn’t make you.  We are equal as creatures and shouldn’t label each other.

BAD IDENTITY

Most of the big mistakes in my life have been made because I forgot who I am.  The times when I got off-track and said and did things that I deeply regret were times that I forgot who I am in Jesus.  I was listening to and living out the labels that other people gave me.  I was living out of the wrong identity.

My advice to you, as you go off to school is this:  don’t forget who you are.  You aren’t who people say you are and you aren’t what you are good or bad at.  Being beautiful, average, smart, dumb, athletic, slow, big, small, funny, boring doesn’t make you who you are.  No one has the right to label you except your creator and He has already said that you are loved.  He made you exactly how He intended and He’s very proud of His creation.  Live out of this identity and experience life the way it was meant to be lived.