One of the rules about being a teenager is that you must think that your parents are dumb. I don’t exactly know where this idea came from but it’s everywhere in our culture. It’s in just about every movie and TV show about teenagers that you’ll ever watch. “Parents just don’t understand”. Parents are out of touch. Parents just want to ruin your life.
I’ve been there. I remember feeling the same way. I was a teenager…last century. The central role of an adolescent is to learn to become independent—to become an adult. This process of becoming independent is messy, especially when parents have a hard time letting go. With all that said, two things have changed my perspective on parents: student ministry and becoming a parent myself.
As I close out this week’s series on going back to school, my goal is that you would reconsider your attitude and relationship toward your parents. Hang with me and I think you’ll find it worthwhile.
EVERY PARENT WANTS TO BE A GOOD PARENT
Over the last 10 years of student ministry I’ve spent time with 100s of families. I’ve interacted with so many parents. And over time and in all of those conversations I have never once run into a parent who wanted to be a bad parent. Not a single parent was trying to rob their child of fun. Sure, I’ve run into parents who struggled in different ways and some who were dysfunctional, but never once did I run into a parent who wanted to be a terrible parent.
If you are a student, your mom and dad want to be good parents. They want what is best for you and they want you to have a great life. The next time you’re in a heated argument about how much time you get on the X-box or whether or not you are allowed to go on a date with Marvin, just remember that your parents truly want to be good parents and truly want what is best for you.
NO ONE LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOUR PARENTS
I discovered this truth exactly 2 seconds into my son Keegan’s life. A doctor held up a tiny purple baby covered in slime and blood with an alien looking cord attached to its belly and I fell desperately and irreversibly in love—how could you not? In that moment, my entire world changed forever. I knew in an instant that nothing could ever make me laugh this little helpless baby more or less that I already did. My heart exploded with more love and devotion that I ever thought was possible. Just sitting down to write these memories down brings a flood of tears to my eyes.
If you are wondering, I experienced the same phenomenon with each of my four kids and I guarantee that your parents experienced the same thing with you. No matter what is going on, regardless of how strained your relationship is, I guarantee you that your parents love you with a fierce and devoted love that is beyond what you can understand until find yourself in a delivery room meeting your own baby for the first time.
YOUR PARENTS ARE SMARTER THAN YOU
Depending on your personality, it may take a hand to the stove, a bad financial decision, or a wrecked life but at some point you will recognize that your parents are smarter than you. I know this isn’t what you want to hear but it’s a simple lesson in mathematics. Your parents have lived at least twice as long as you have and life smarts come from experience. Your parents have twice the life experience that you do. They’ve had twice as many victories, mistakes, joys, heartbreaks, relationships and crises as you have. It would be wise to listen to their advice.
YOU NEED YOUR PARENTS
The last thing I want you to consider is that you need your parents. The future is a hard road. College does not pay for itself and the most unemployed demographic in our society right now is 23 and fresh out of college. Many are finding that surviving on their own is next to impossible.
You will need your parents’ wisdom, home, money, and relational support. The worst thing you can do as a teenager is treat your parents like garbage—like they are useless and worthless to you. Your parents are the most valuable resource that you have in this life and they love you desperately.
My hope, as you launch this year, is that you would reconsider how you think about and treat your parents. No one loves you more than your mom and dad.
