Have you ever done anything dumb? I mean really dumb? I’m sure you have because I have too. If I had to guess, I bet you didn’t do that dumb thing alone. Or at least, you didn’t come up with the idea on your own. You probably did that dumb thing with someone else or at least watched someone else do it and decided to try it out for yourself. That’s the way we work.
We are deeply influenced by the people around us—far more than we want to admit. My friend Jon has a saying, “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” He probably stole this phrase from some famous speaker or writer but I can’t figure out who, so for now, we’ll just credit the saying to Jon.
In any case, I think Jon is right on. None of the major mistakes of my life are original to me. I learned the behavior from my friends. The perfect example is pornography. I didn’t even know that such a thing existed until that ill-fated afternoon my friend discovered a dirty VHS tape in his parents’ bedroom and showed it to me. It was the same story with stealing, using girls and the “F” bomb. I would have never thought to do those things until someone showed me.
PROVERBS
I love the book of Proverbs. The idea that an old guy wrote down a bunch of advice for a younger guy in the form of poetry really intrigues me. I sort of wish someone would do that for me. Anyway, one of the more helpful sayings in the Proverbs goes like this:
Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. (Proverbs 13:20)
The basic idea of this saying is that you become like the people you hang out with. With wise people you become wise and with fools you become a fool. Personally, I believe this is spot on. Over the course of my life, I’ve noticed that I watch the TV shows my friends watch. My moral standards slide up or down based on who I’m hanging out with and my laugh even changes to become more like my friends.
I also believe that the closer the friend is, the more influence they have over you. Best friends and the people we date possess an incredible power over us. It has nothing to do with being weak or giving into peer pressure, it’s simply how life works. I think is how we are designed. Community and relationships are incredibly important and influential to us all.
EVALUATE
So, if all this is true—Jon’s theory and the book of Proverbs, we all need to evaluate our friendships. If we are going to become just like our friends we should probably really like who they are. Do you like the decisions your friends make? Do you agree with their moral standards? Do you like how they treat people? Are they wise or are they fools?
There have been 2 times in my life, once during my sophomore year of high school and once during my freshman year of college in which I chose to migrate friend groups. In both cases, I looked around and realized that I didn’t want to become like the people I was spending all my time with. In high school, I realized that I didn’t want my life to be characterized by partying, porn and vandalism so I peaced out. I told my friends why I was breaking up with them and then bounced. Yes it was painful and lonely and they mocked me brutally but in the end it was very good for me. God provided new friends who led me closer to Him.
BACK TO SCHOOL
As you reenter the school scene, are you happy with your social situation? Will your friends lead you to greater life, purpose, and meaning? Do you like who you are becoming? Are you hanging with the wise or with fools? If you know you need a change, the fall season is a great time to migrate.
Photo Credited to JDConway
