Category: Student Ministry

Influencing Boys Toward Greatness | Leadership

I can’t remember the last male character on TV who was a leader.  OK, take out every super hero/Jack Bauer type character.  If a man isn’t single handedly saving the world he is a sally—see every sitcom husband ever.

Let me make a clarification.  By leadership I do not mean dominance.  There are plenty of guys out there who know how to get what they want through dominance and abuse.  The leadership I’m talking about is others first.  It’s the kind of leadership that draws out the best in others.  It empowers others to become who God made them to be and rallies people around the mission of Christ in the world.

When I think of my sons, this is what I want.  I want my boys to grow into men who inspire, empower and lead the way.  So, how do you get there?  How do you teach a boy to become a leader modeled after Jesus?

LEADERSHIP IS CAUGHT NOT TAUGHT

Nearly everything in our culture teaches boys to be selfish.  “It’s all about you.”  “Have it your way.”  “Wear this and women will want you.”

If we want our boys to become others focused leaders, we have to understand that we’re going against the flow of culture.  They won’t become the leaders we want them to be without first seeing it.  Specifically, they need to see us doing it.  The boys in your youth ministry and in your family will lead exactly how they see you leading.  Be the leader you want your boys to be.

One of the best ways to do model others first leadership is through volunteering.  Volunteer together with your son.  Encourage the boys in your youth group to serve in the children’s ministry.  Take your family on mission trips.  Serve together and they will catch others first leadership.

TEACH HIM TO LEAD IN RELATIONSHIPS

To be frank, many guys in our culture approach relationships asking a simple question:  “What can I get out of this?”  For the record, that’s called exploitation.  Great men don’t exploit women.  They empower and liberate.

At the risk of offending everyone in the universe, I believe that great men lead in relationships.  Before you start writing that hate comment just hear me out.  I think men ought to protect women by taking the lead on physical boundaries.  Unfortunately, many guys are out to get what they can in relationships and many girls are lonely enough that they will trade purity for perceived intimacy.

The world needs men who are more interested in protecting women and bringing the best out in them than getting what they can.   My dream is that my daughters would date guys who are man enough to be upfront about their physical and emotional boundaries and that they would lead the way in maintaining these boundaries.

We need to train the boys in our families and youth ministries to respect women by leading them.  Their role is to protect women, not take advantage of them.  Help boys clearly define their physical boundaries and then help them learn how to communicate and maintain these boundaries with girls.

Also, help them understand how powerfully their words can impact a woman.  Teach him to be careful with his words.  Again, the goal is to protect and empower women—no to get what you can from them.  That’s exploitation.

Great men lead.  They don’t dominant or exploit.  They put others first and empower the people around them.  To influence boys toward greatness, we must learn to lead in the same way.

 

 

Influencing Boys Toward Greatness | Purpose

Many of the young men I’ve talked with lately are all feeling the same crippling emotion:  aimlessness.  I believe that most of this generation’s men are lost.  They don’t know what their purpose is in life.

Great men know what they are about.  They know why God put them on this earth.  They have a sense of destiny and direction.

Today, I’m finishing up a week of blogging about raising great boys.  If we want boys to lead significant lives, they must know their purpose —they must know what God made they to do.  So, how in the world do you help a boy figure this out?  You must uncover it with him.

BOYS NEED TO BE TOLD

When God created Adam, He placed him in the garden, told him who he was and why he was on the earth.  He gave him a name and a job.  I’m almost certain that without being told, Adam would have been thoroughly confused about what he was supposed to be doing.  “I didn’t know what else to do so I invented the tropical fish tank…”

Like Adam, boys need to be told who they are and why they are here.  It’s just not in our nature as humans to figure this stuff out on our own.  As a parent or youth worker, it’s your privilege and duty to become a student of the boys under your care and to help them uncover their wiring, gifting, passions and ultimately, purpose.

EXPERIMENT

No one expects you to be able to diagnose a boy’s life passion and purpose overnight.  These things are like science experiments.  You develop a hypothesis and you test it.  Most of the time your hypothesis is wrong but it moves you one step closer to the truth.

As boys progress through life, let them experiment.  Push them to try all kinds of stuff.  Somewhere along the line a boy will experience something that awakens something buried deep within him.  He will light up.  Take note:  these experiences probably have something to do with his wiring, gifting, passions and purpose.

MISSION

As a follower of Jesus, I believe that life is most meaningful when our passions and gifts are aligned with what God is doing in the world.  It’s crucially important that we as parents and youth workers help our boys understand the compelling and life altering mission of the Church.  It’s vital that our boys understand what God’s mission is in the world and how we can join in.

When a man finds himself at the intersection of his passions, purpose and the mission of God in the world, he will find life and meaning—and more of it than he ever imagined was possible.

EXIT THE MATRIX

We need to be honest for a second, rich and meaningful lives are not easy to come by.  In fact, it is hard to live a life of purpose.  There is always immense opposition within and outside of us, pushing us to accept mediocrity.  This is part of the reason that boys find video games so compelling.  Without a whole lot of actual work, he can be the hero.  He can create, battle evil, save the girl, or even conquer the world.

The temptation so many young men fall into is retreating into false worlds where they can live rich and meaningful lives of purpose while accepting mediocre or worse in their real lives.

Look, I love video games.  I really do.  However, far too many guys are OBSESSED with video games—playing them for hours and hours every day.  Meanwhile the real world is suffering.  The church needs young men who will run after Jesus and partner with him in bringing heaven to earth every day.

If you are a parent, build boundaries around video games and help your son uncover who God created him to be and what he is calling him to do in this world.  If you are a youth worker, model boundaries with video games.  If you are a young man, unplug and dive into the Kingdom.  There is so much work to be done.  There is far too much injustice on this broken planet for us to keep shooting each other over and over on the same Black Ops maps night after night.

We need to help boys build boundaries around video games so that they don’t overtake and ultimately replace their lives.  Like most everything, video games can be used in a healthy way but it is difficult, especially for a young teenage boy, to find the balance.

 

 

Youth Ministry Videos 101

A few years ago we came to terms with a painful truth.  Students don’t listen to us when we talk to them from the stage.    Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty sure they nominally pay attention to the teachings but they never listen to announcements.  Every time we take the stage and invite students to sign up for a retreat or to tell them about an event that will drastically change their lives they stare at us blankly and remember nothing.  Meanwhile, the energy in the room plummets.  By the time we start our worship set the girls are texting and the guys are asleep.

One thing we noticed about our culture is that people always pay attention to screens.  Call it being addicted to technology or visually stimulated or whatever you want but a compelling image or a well done commercial captures us.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about schedule your next team meeting at Buffalo Wild Wings and see how much you accomplish.

So, based on our observations about the power of screens we started shooting video announcements.  In the beginning it was just me sitting in a chair talking and it has evolved into rap videos and other ridiculousness.  I know we aren’t breaking new ground here and plenty of other ministries use video announcements but ours are way better than theirs.

OK, not really but we have been amazed at how video announcements have contributed to our student ministry community and culture.  Adding some ridiculous characters and YouTube spoofs has amped up the fun level.

If you’re interested in getting in the video announcement game, here are a few suggestions.

1.       Invest in Good Gear

Filming can be as inexpensive and simple as pulling out your iPhone and hitting record but we all know that isn’t going to yield a visually pleasing end product (not to mention the audio). Here’s the thing. Your students and volunteers all watch TV in HD and probably movies on Blu-Ray. A good set of gear and trained people will help get you comparable quality.  People appreciate well made videos.

In the film world, you get what you pay for. A video shot on a two thousand dollar camera and a fifteen hundred dollar lens will look better than a seven hundred dollar camera on a standard kit lens. And the same goes for audio and microphones. It can be daunting at first with all the choices, but that’s where people with experience come in. Chat it up with someone you know who does film, tell them what you plan to do and ask what lens will be best for you, what tri-pod they’d recommend, which lens best fits your needs, etc.

2.       Find and Film Expressive People

There is a reason that not everyone is an actor.  This doesn’t mean that your videos require professional actors but it does mean you need expressive people.  Maybe this is you, maybe it isn’t.  This could also be a great opportunity to pull in students and volunteers.  Trust me when I say that the wrong people on video are worse than the wrong people on stage.

3.       Act like a Clown

Sometimes the announcement needs to come from you—even if you’re not expressive.  We’ve discovered that acting normally while filming will make you appear like you just woke up from a nap.  You have to amp up your energy.  Focus on making your face more expressive.  Talk with your hands and act like you’re overly excited.  I know this sounds ridiculous but trust me.

4.       Keep it Short

Our biggest mistake in creating announcement videos has been length.  Anything over 5 minutes is WAY too long.  We aim for 4 minutes or shorter if there is some sort of storyline or 2 or 3 minutes if it is a simple announcement.  Never overestimate the attention span of your students.  Squirrel!

5.       Delegate the Filming and Editing

If you’re like me, editing software might as well be in Chinese.  I’m helpless.  No problem.  There are a bazillion people out there who love to film, edit and produce videos.  They’ll probably also complete projects 40x faster than you could.  Take advantage of people who want to serve.

6.       Grant Creative Freedom

Over the last 4 years, video characters and ongoing storylines have dramatically increased the fun in our student ministry.  Especially in middle school, a few reoccurring characters can be brilliant.  My advice, find some funny people and turn them loose to create ideas and videos.  If you have someone who can do voices, plug them in!  You can score costumes for basically nothing by spending an afternoon perusing local thrift shops.   Amp up the fun in your student ministry by getting ridiculous with announcement videos.

7.        Steal Ideas

We’re all on the same team right?  Our early video ideas were all stolen—usually from Saddleback.  Sorry!  Sometimes we still steal great ideas because, well they are great ideas.  Here’s our Vimeo page.  Feel free to steal our ideas or at least laugh at how bad our early videos were.

photo credited to SPDP

Lessons on Porn from the British

 

Apparently the leaders of the British government have had enough of pornography.  David Cameron, the Prime Minister of gave a speech recently in which he announced that pornography is “corroding childhood.”  He announced that “family-friendly filters would be automatically selected for all new [Internet] customers by the end of the year – although they could choose to switch them off.   And millions of existing computer users would be contacted by their internet providers and told they must decide whether to use or not use ‘family-friendly filters’ to restrict adult material.”

If you’d like to read an article that describes this in detail, click here.

What I appreciate about Cameron’s speech is not that his measures will stop people from viewing pornography because people who want to watch porn will find a way.  What I appreciate is that he is willing to call pornography wrong.  He took a stand to protect the children of his nation.

Secondly, I do believe that Cameron’s initiatives could push back how early children see pornography.  Based on the testimonies of students and volunteers that I’ve interacted with, most people’s first contact with pornography happens unintentionally and almost always through the Internet.

With that said, we as parents and youth workers need to come to terms with the fact that kids will see pornography.  The latest statistics that I’ve seen reveal that 98% of boys have seen pornography by age 18.  More and more kids are introduced to pornography while in elementary school.  So what do we do?  How to do help our children navigate this?  Here are a few thoughts:

CHANGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS

First, we need to come to terms with the fact that our children will see pornography.  The age where we could keep them from the destructive influence of porn is gone.  Now, we must learn to help them navigate a culture in which sex is pervasive.

This doesn’t mean that we simply surrender.  In fact, it means that we must be even more vigilant.  The first step is to help our elementary age children understand that pornography is wrong. And, if they run into it we want them to talk to us about it.  We want our children to process their introduction to porn with us, not friends or the Internet.

 

MONITOR YOUR KIDS

Watch what your kids are doing online.  Set up filters when they are young to protect them.  And when they are older, use X3watch.  This is a tool that will email you (or any accountability partner) any sketchy sites that your child visited.  It is an accountability tool.  In my opinion, accountability is better than filters because your child will learn to navigate around filters.   X3watch can lead to conversations between you and your child, which is exactly what your child will need.

 

 

 

PORNOGRAPHY IS A DRUG

One of the ways you can help our kids is by explaining the dangers of pornography.  We need to stop simply saying, “Don’t do it because it is wrong.”  Kids aren’t dumb.  They need to understand for themselves why it is dangerous.  This video does a nice job of explaining how pornography affects the brain in the way drugs do.

PUBLIC SCREENS

Computers are relatively easy to monitor.  Just keep the computer in a public space in your home.  Smart phones and tablets are a different story.  It is alarming that kids can access pornography anywhere at any time from a device they keep in their pocket.

When setting up boundaries, don’t forget about mobile devices.  A good rule is to require that your kids’ phones be charged in a public place overnight.  Keep all screens in public places.  Also, consider putting X3watch on mobile devices as well.

COMPASSION NOT ANGER

The way we respond to our kids when they confess to looking at porn or when we receive an email from X3watch that reveals what our kids have been looking at will determine whether or not our kids will trust us with accountability and honesty in the future.  Respond with compassion and help rather than anger and disappointment.

Especially for teenage boys, pornography is overpowering.  They need help navigating our over-sexualized culture rather than a guilt trip.  Help them set up boundaries.  Yes, consequences are still important but make them constructive.

The stories I hear of students overcoming pornography always involve them coming clean with their parents (particularly their dads) and their parents responding with compassion, love and healthy consequences and boundaries.

 

 

How to Survive in Student Ministry

Student Ministry can be a tough gig.  It wasn’t long ago that the average stay of a youth pastor was only a year to 18 months.  Actually, I don’t know who came up with those numbers.  They may not be real but I do know many youth workers who have dropped out of ministry far earlier than they dreamed.

It is also true that we as youth workers are most vulnerable in the early days of our career.  So, how do we survive these pivotal first years?  Here are a few thoughts…

 

1.       Admit that You’re not an Expert…Yet

 

When I graduated from good ole’ Moody Bible Institute, I thought I knew everything.  It didn’t take me long to realize that in fact I knew next to nothing.  The classroom just can’t teach the nuances of ministry.

The pressure of being new will temp you to pretend that you know everything.  This is a horrible idea.  Humility is paramount.  4 years of classroom training grants you a piece of paper.  It doesn’t make you an expert.  Years of experience in the field make you an expert.  During your first few years of ministry humility and teach-ability are crucial.

 

2.       Every Church Has Issues

Both of my church jobs had a honeymoon period.  One of them lasted 6 months and the other for about 6 days.  And no, I’m not telling you which was which.

If you’re like me, the emotions of life cloud your thinking.  When things go south it’s easy to say, “I picked the wrong church!  I gotta get outta here!”  Or “Church X down the street has a contemporary service!  I should go work there instead.”  The truth is, humans go to your church and humans go to that church.  There will be a few asinine policies wherever you go.  You will find impossible people in every environment.  There is no perfect church.  The comparison game is dangerous.

With all that said, I have seen a few toxic churches.  These communities will burn and scar you.  In these cases you should run and run fast.

However, you should never decide that your church is toxic too quickly or in a vacuum.  The heart is deceitful and we naturally detest what is difficult.  If you think your church is toxic, bring in a mentor to help you decipher the situation.

 

3.       Find the RIGHT Mentors

Everyone needs a Yoda.  Good news!  There are many seasoned student ministry vets out.  Find them.  You would be wise to spend some time with them and join their communities.  You can learn a ton from these people.

However, I have one piece of advice.  There are some vets out there who are venomously bitter.  To be blunt, don’t spend a lot of time with these people.  Bitterness is like the flu.  It’s highly contagious.  Protect yourself from bitterness because it will rob you of joy.

 

4.       Make a Commitment

While interviewing for my first job, I told the leadership that I would commit to five years.  Later, there were a few times that I wanted to kick myself for saying that.  In the end, I kept my word and I’m very glad that I did.

I needed time to work out who I am, what I believe, and my approach to student ministry.  You can’t figure this stuff out in a class or even a year on the job.  It takes time and practice.  It’s takes trial and error.

My encouragement for anyone who is early in their student ministry is to buckle down and stay put.  Work hard and learn.  Use this time to figure out your strengths, weaknesses and ministry philosophy.  Understanding yourself will lead to greater effectiveness whether you stay in your current position for decades or if you decide you need to move on.

How Safe is Your Student Ministry?

I hate rules. I really do. I’m still not sure how I survived the rule rich environment of Moody Bible Institute. I think it’s because somewhere along the way I recognized the value of boundaries.  Let me explain with a story…

As a young youth pastor in my first position, we embarked on a yearly sojourn to Cedar Point–if you’re not from the Midwest, this is a massive amusement park filled with roller coasters, fried everything you can imagine and the highest mullet per capita anywhere.

After an epic day of G-forces, sunburn and chasing down make-out-minded teenagers, we would arrive back at the church at 11:00 PM and I would wait FOREVER for parents to pick up their kids. I know you’ve been there. On this particular night, I was more than a little exhausted and one girl’s parents had still not shown up after 45 minutes. I called her house and woke up her dad who mumbled something about having to work at 4 AM, a missing car and something else that I didn’t hear because I was so angry.

In frustration and exhaustion I drove her home myself. Fail.  At the time I didn’t realize how bad this idea was.  In fact, at this point in my career, I regularly met with female students, leaders, and parents one-on-one in coffee shops–sometimes even driving alone with them. I just thought that’s what a youth pastor did.

I didn’t think much about how dangerous these meetings were until a few years later when one of the girls in our ministry invented a story about a fictitious guy who had raped her. It took months for law enforcement to sort out that she was lying but an enormous amount of damage had been done to her reputation.

This is when it hit me that she easily could have made that story up about me or one of my volunteers.  Any number of the troubled students I worked with could have invented a story that involved me. Suddenly, I realized the precarious nature of my role.

One student could destroy my career and life with a few well timed lies. And yet, I firmly believe that God has called me to serve these students.  What to do?

How do we balance our calling with protecting ourselves and those who serve with us? We must serve smarter. We need to place boundaries around ourselves, our volunteers and our ministries.  I hate rules but we must face reality.

Our church and student ministry has spent the last few years thinking through these difficult questions, sometimes against our will.  Here’s a list of precautions we take. I encourage you to think through the list and consider how vulnerable your ministry is.  Also, please add anything you feel is missing.

One-on-One Meetings

  • We do not allow our staff or volunteers to do one-one-one meetings with the opposition gender–not even in public places
  • We document every one-on-one meeting between an adult and student
  • We require parent approval for every one-on-one meeting
  • We ensure that another volunteer or staff member knows in advance about each one-on-one meeting.

Troubled Students and Abuse

  • We have brought CPS and law enforcement representatives into our staff and volunteer training meetings to create clarity about mandatory reporting.
  • We have created clear lines for when a student has become a threat to the safety of our students and we regularly ask students to take a break from our ministry.
  • We have a professional counselor on our staff who guides us through every difficult student or family issue that we face. This person connects us with other professional counselors or services when needed.

Security

  • We have a security coordinator who is a former law enforcement officer who constantly evaluates and advises us on security issues.
  • We background check every adult who is present during our weekly programs.
  • We lock our doors before and after check-in and during the entirety of our program.
  • We have trained security personnel present at all of our events.

I understand that this stuff is about as fun as a root canal but it is important and necessary.  We must create safeguards because they protect the integrity of our ministries and they build trust with students and parents.

So, what are your safeguards?

 

Photo by Calignosus

 

LifeLine is Hiring

Have you ever thought, “Wow, I’d really like to work with Aaron.  He just seems so smart and trendy.”  The truth is, I’m not that trendy and I only seem smart because I steal all my coworkers good ideas and pretend they are my own.  However, we are hiring.  And, we’re not just hiring one person in our student ministry department, we’re hiring 4 full-time and 1 part-time positions!

I’ll be honest, our student ministry is awesome and our staff is a riot.  So, if you are looking for meaningful work and a fun community to serve with, we should probably talk.

If I’ve captured your curiosity, here is a little about Ada Bible Church and LifeLine:

  • We are a multi-campus Bible church of around 9,000 people.
  • All of our campuses are located near Grand Rapids, MI.
  • Our student ministry is built around small groups.  Our volunteers are amazing and our community is exceptional.
  • We take a family ministry approach.  Sometimes we even think Orange.
  • We love simplicity and excellence.  We don’t do a ton of stuff but what we do is high quality and strategic.
  • Our student ministry team is currently at 7 full-time and 3 part-time.  Once we are finished hiring, we will have 9 full-time and 3 part-time.

If you’re interested in joining the LifeLine team, you can apply for the positions on our job board.  If you aren’t currently looking for work but know of an exceptional youth worker who is, please pass this information along.  Also, feel free to leave a comment or email me with any questions you might have.

 

Photo by Piero Sierra

Wanna Be a Great Youth Pastor? Get a Real Job.

img_drilling-1957-with-new-rigI come from a long line of men. I’m talking about rugged, leather skin, strong as an ox, men.  I’m a 5th generation water well driller.  We work outside all day every day, rain or shine, winter and summer. It’s hard, dirty and more than a little dangerous.

You might say I put in my time as a well driller.  I started in the shop in early middle school and finished up at 23.  I’m actually very proud of the 11 wells that bear my name in the Michigan water well database. Never mind that my dad probably has a couple thousand under his name.  What’s a couple extra zeros?

To be honest, I was never going to make it has a long-term well driller.  I’m about as mechanically inclined as a sloth.  I can’t fix anything.  Also, my frail body was already starting to fall apart after only a few years of full-time drilling—tendonitis, tennis elbow, carpal tunnel, etc.   It’s a little embarrassing but who’s going to argue with weak genes?

Obviously, I diverged for the family tradition path but not because I didn’t like the work or the industry.  I’m actually very grateful for my heritage and experience drilling wells.  Much of what I learned has impacted who I am as a youth pastor.  Let me explain:

  • Ingenuity

I know this sounds a little like “My dad can beat up your dad” but when it comes to problem solving my dad is a genius.  He never gives up and he thinks outside the box.  Our family business wasn’t exactly rolling in the deep so we often had to create our own solutions.  My dad built his own tools and gadgets.  He was always tinkering with his systems to push for more speed and greater accuracy.

Like I said before, I can’t “fix” my way out of a wet paper bag but I did learn ingenuity from my dad.  I love to evaluate our programs, systems and strategies.  Never be satisfied.  Always push for greater effectiveness.

  • If You’re Not Having Fun, You’re Not Doing it Right

Here are some things that don’t mix well:  water, wind, winter, me.  But that’s exactly what being a well driller during the winter is like.  When it’s freezing cold and you’re standing out in a field exposed to the biting wind getting repeatedly splashed by water you can either hate your life or laugh.

For years I worked on a drilling crew with a guy named Dennis who was hilarious.  We spent all day every being ridiculous, joking around and generally having a great time.  What I learned is this, don’t take your work so seriously that you can’t laugh and have a ridiculously good time.  It’s just not worth it.

  • Work Ethic

There’s nothing about well drilling that is easy.  My dad taught me to work and to work hard.  Sadly, most of us in youth ministry aren’t known for our killer work ethic.  Working hard and being accountable for your time are great ways to build trust among parents and church leaders.  My recommendation to anyone studying to become a youth worker is to learn how to work.  If necessary, get a “real job” before launching out into student ministry.  It might be the best ministry training you ever get.

To summarize, what many would consider a lowly, undesirable, manual labor job has taught me valuable lessons about what it means to work.  I’m immensely proud of my heritage.  Sometimes I think my time as a well driller may have even been better training than my degree in youth ministry.

Guest Post: Why Volunteers Matter

Growing up, I couldn’t wait until I was old enough to go to youth group at church. I always thought it looked like they were having so much fun. They were so cool and they got to do so many fun things. It turns out I wasn’t wrong.

I spent my two years of junior high buying in to “youth group” and doing my best to be at all the events. Then I did the same in my four years of high school. I think I got lucky and had a group of fellow students who wanted to be part of a community and leaders who wanted to cultivate that kind of environment. I can’t begin to explain in a single blog post how valuable my time spent at youth group was as I was growing up, but here goes nothing…

I really believe that youth group volunteers have the power to be some of the most influential people in the lives of students. I can tell you confidently that God placed my youth group leaders in my life to change it. Without them and the experiences I had I’m honestly not sure where I would be. See, as I was going through those formative years, my home life was splintering apart. It was those Sunday mornings and Thursday nights where I felt like I belonged to something bigger. Where I felt like I was part of a family who loved me and with people who wanted to see me grow. It was those days where my leader took me out to lunch that I’ll never forget. Any extra time spent with these people, the adults I looked up to, was revolutionary for me. Truly.

Because of these experiences I knew I had to pursue some type of student ministry as I moved into college and adult life. I’ve been volunteering with my church’s junior high group for about the last five years. It’s been such a ride and I wouldn’t have rather spent these years any other way. It’s the least I could do to give back what I feel was given to me. So I guess if you’ll let me I wanted to issue a challenge to anyone who might be reading this. Step up, get involved in the lives of some younger people. You may not ever know how much you mean to them, but I promise you they are looking. Whether you’re already involved or not at all. Take an extra step. If you’re already volunteering in some way make it a point to get really involved in a student’s life, find out about what sports they play, find out about their family life. You might be shocked at how eager and willing they are to learn from you and spend more time with you.

I graduated from youth group and never wanted to leave. I experienced first hand what impact relationships born from student-leader interactions can have. I knew I had to be willing to let God use me in whatever way He wanted.  I tried to  be the type of person that my leaders were for me and I’d encourage all of you to try your hand and see what mark you can leave on your student’s lives. One question, one conversation could turn everything around. You just have to be willing to take that extra step.

Jordan Mears never actually left junior high. He’s a 22-year old college student serving in his fifth year as a junior high small group leader at South Church in Lansing, MI. He co-founded the Dons, a legendary church softball dynasty and currently works as a sports copy editor for the Lansing State Journal.

 

A Simple Approach to Intergenerational Ministry

A lot has been said and written recently about the importance of intergenerational ministry.  The Sticky Faith research has pointed out the importance of adult mentors in the lives of students.

I think many student ministries assume they are doing well in this area simply because they put adults in proximity with students.  Personally, I do not believe that quality mentoring relationships will naturally grow out of proximity.  It takes intentionality.  Here are 3 ways we intentionally promote intergenerational mentoring.

1.       VISION VOLUNTEERS

First, we INSPIRE our volunteers to become mentors.  Before every Sunday or Wednesday night we hold an hour long leader meeting and one of the things we do in these meetings is tell stories of great mentoring.  We talk about how our volunteers have made a difference in the past and how each person investing in the lives of students today is altering the trajectory of a student’s life.

We EQUIP our volunteers to become mentors.  We teach them how to pursue students, how to manage and effectively lead a small group, how to interact with the parents of their students, and how to handle crisis conversations.  We don’t hold quarterly or even monthly training meetings; we train our volunteers every time we meet for large group.

We EXPECT our volunteers to become mentors.  We believe so deeply in intergenerational mentoring that we create standards.  I understand that it is impossible to quantify mentoring but we do our best to do it anyway.  We require a certain amount of small group activities, one-on-ones with students and parent interactions.

Although our mentors are volunteers, we still hold them accountable to their role.  If they aren’t performing, we carefully confront them.  If after a few more weeks they still aren’t performing, we fire them and find someone else who can mentor our students.  Yes, you can fire a volunteer.  This is how deeply we believe in intergenerational mentoring.

2.       STRUCTURE FOR MENTORING

We happen to believe that over time, small groups are a great place for mentoring relationships to develop.  Because of this we don’t ask students to opt into a small group.  We simply place EVERY STUDENT IN A SMALL GROUP and leave 30 minutes at the end of every LifeLine night for small groups.

Mentoring relationships take time to develop so we leave our small groups intact for all three years of middle school and all four years of high school.  Particularly in high school, we believe that SMALL GROUPS TAKE 1-2 YEARS TO BUILD TRUST.  The next 2 years are fertile soil for mentoring relationships.   

3.        SIMPLIFY PROGRAMMING

We believe that faith is best learned outside of the church building.  Students need to see faith lived out in action.   Because of this belief we require our volunteers to get on their students turf and to interact with them outside of our student ministry programming.

We know that volunteers only have so much time to devote to ministry.  Because mentoring outside the church building’s walls is a premium, we simply cut our programming to make space and time for our volunteers.  WE DON’T DO EVENTS.  Our senior high ministry literally has no events other than our Sunday night programming, snow camp and mission trips.  We simplify so that our volunteers can commit to pursuing their students outside the walls of the church building.

“No events!” You say?  Are you crazy?  Well, I guess that was a lie.  We have all sorts of events but we don’t schedule them—our small groups do, organically.  They are better and more strategically targeted than anything our staff could ever dream up.

 

So there you have it.  3 simple ways to promote mentoring in your ministry.  How have you promoted mentoring relationships in your setting?