Category: Student Ministry

Guest Post: 1 Catastrophe>50 Youth Groups

I’m the most organized person I know.  If you know me you probably agree.  If you don’t know me, let me send you an outline and schedule of how and when we can get together to become friends.  This is why I hate when things go awry.

After 7 years of working in student ministry I have learned that there is no amount planning that can prepare you for the things that can (and will) go wrong when you’re working with students.

Anytime I hang out with high school students who have been around our student ministry for a while, the conversation tends to drift toward those chaotic events we all want to forget.  “Do you remember when…

…when we got lost in Canada?”
…when everyone on the bus puked the whole way back from NC?”
…when Sean busted his face open on the tubing hill and his eye was falling out?”
…when they served us raw chicken at camp?”
…when the police showed up?”
…when you lost the Hecht family’s cat?”

Sigh.  Yes, I remember.  I recall every ridiculous thing that has ever gone wrong at every camp, mission trip and event we’ve ever done and so does everyone else.   Why can’t anyone ever bring up the time we flawlessly served 350 cupcakes to our graduates and families?  Or the time we came back from a mission trip on schedule with no injuries?  No one remembers the brilliant teachings, artistically perfect worship sets or flawlessly executed events.

But, even with all of my type ‘A’ tendencies, I am completely fine with that.  Students are going to remember the catastrophes.  That’s where stories get interesting and memories are made.  When it comes to building relationships, one catastrophe is worth 50 nights of youth group.  So instead of freaking out, capitalize on the good fortune!

When things go wrong and you manage to right the ship and carry on, you build an extra supply of relational equity with your students.  They will remember that you took control, made it work, and didn’t freak out (ok, maybe you freaked out a little).  In the end, the crazy times reveal who you really are.  When students see you in the midst of struggle and chaos it breaks down barriers and opens the door for greater ministry.

So, the next time all of your buses get stuck on the way to snow camp (not that it has ever happened to us…..twice) try to remember that you’ve hit the jackpot!  You’re creating memories and experiences that will connect you to your students for a lifeline.

 

Christina Thelen has been involved in student ministry for 7 years.  That’s 49 dog years.  For the last 4 years she has served as the Department Coordinator of LifeLine–the student ministry of Ada Bible Church.

 

The Day I Almost Got Fired

I can honestly say that over 10 years and two churches, I have been a pretty good employee.  I actually work 40+ hours, show up on time and even dress semi-appropriately.  In fact, I’ve almost been fired only one time.  Personally, I think that one time over 10 years is pretty good.  So, why did I almost get fired?  I’m glad you asked.

Xanga

Before the days of Twitter, Facebook ruled the Internet.  Before Facebook, MySpace was all the rage.  Before MySpace was Xanga.  If you remember this you’re borderline old—like me.  As a young youth pastor, I took to Xanga like a fiend in an attempt to get on my students turf.

Gone Emergent

At this same time I opened a new vein of study.  I randomly picked out a new book because I liked the cover.  The book was Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller.  For the record, I read this book before you did.  I WAS A TREND SETTER!!!

I read it in one sitting.  It still remains one of my favorite books.  The Salinger style and the fresh approach to faith blew my mind.  I quickly read The Art of Prayer and Volkswagen Maintenance and moved on to other authors of what would later be dubbed the Emergent  Movement—Rob Bell, Dan Kimball, Brian McLaren and many others.

At this point in my life, I was just a few years out of Moody Bible Institute and I found this new theology to be incredibly intriguing.  All this reading and thinking needed a processing outlet so naturally I began writing on my Xanga account.  And this is where I got in trouble.

Not that kind of Old School

Did I mention that I was working at a Baptist church—A Baptist church that had been a stalwart in baptism theology for over 100 years?  100 year old Baptists aren’t down with Emergent theology.  I guess I didn’t put together that people actually read my Xanga and considered my theological exploration to be hard and fast positions.

I was exploring, thinking outside the box and deciding where to settle theologically.  In the end I adopted new language, a much more relational understanding of God (Thank you Searching for God Knows What), a more missional approach to church and a theology not that far from where I started in the first place, but at the time it sounded to my Baptist employers like I took a swan dive off the deep end.

One fine afternoon, my boss took me for a walk.  We’d never done this before so I sort of thought maybe I was getting a raise or something.  I was surprised when instead I got reprimanded.  To his credit, my boss gently explained why it was a problem that I was processing theology and church practice in such a public place.  Instead of getting upset he applauded my curiosity and exploration and at the same time explicitly warned me of what my current employment would look like if I kept processing the way that I had been.

Process Appropriately

That conversation had a profound impact on me.  The lesson I learned is that we as pastors need to be careful where we process.  Our exploration can deeply impact the people who follow us—especially if they are adolescents.  We also need to be sensitive to the historical and cultural settings in which we are employed.  At some point, God may call us to challenge the norm but how we go about that is incredibly important.

I’m thankful that my boss was gracious and yet direct.  At a time when I was struggling with organizational church, if he had mishandled the situation I may have reacted negatively and been fired or left the church.  Instead, I was simply almost fired and went on to continue to grow and explore in more appropriate environments.

How about you?  Ever been almost fired?  Do share.

5 Tips to Unleash Innovation

If I had created the world, no one would be allowed to touch anything.  I’d treat every little thing like those weird knickknacks that overcrowded my Grandma’s mobile home.  Don’t you dare touch that gnome!  Thankfully I’m not God…for a lot of reasons but mostly because I wouldn’t have given my creatures free will.

One of my favorite parts of the Bible is the beginning.  God creates the most amazing planet ever and after placing Adam in the garden, God gives him freedom.  “Fill it.  Subdue it.  Rule over it.”

How does a person subdue God’s creation?  The way I understand it, subduing has to do with bringing order and sense out of chaos.  It’s almost like God gave us the freedom to improve on His creation.

I think that part of God’s design is that we never be satisfied with OK.  We honor our creator when we constantly ask, “How can we improve this?  How can we bring more order out of chaos?”  New ideas.  New questions.  New practices.  Relentless innovation.

The thing is, innovation is difficult.  It doesn’t come natural.  But, it is paramount.  Otherwise, our practices become archaic and we lose effectiveness.  We can’t afford to lose effectiveness in student ministry.  There’s too much at stake.

Here are some tips on pursuing relentless innovation.

1.  CREATE MARGIN

Innovation requires space.  If there’s no margin in your life there won’t be much ingenuity.  It requires quiet, solitude and focus.  If you are over-committed, your practices will probably never change.  Pull back, cut something and create space for ingenuity.

2.  CAPTURE IDEAS

I have lost so many brilliant ideas.  This is absolutely the worst.  You have to capture genius ideas like you would a great picture.  When I see my kids doing something hilarious or cute I snap a picture as quickly as I can.  It’s the same with ideas.  Write them down.  Make a note in your phone.  Take a picture.  Tie a string on your finger.  It doesn’t really matter how you do it just develop a system.

I am very forgetful so when I have a great idea I write it down immediately.  Seriously, I’ll pull my car to the side of the road and even hop out of shower to capture a good idea.

3.  FORCE THE ISSUE

Sometimes when innovation isn’t flowing it needs to be forced out.  This is why our team gets away to process and think strategically.  Asking hard questions as a community will flush out brilliant ideas.  On these retreats we present new thoughts, argue, debate and laugh.  We’ve never a staff retreat that didn’t generate at least one great idea.

Before I worked at a big church I would simply gather friends who were in ministry and take a study retreat together.  Both options lead to great thinking.

4.  CALL IN EXPERTS

Truthfully, I rarely conjure up a great idea on my own.   I need someone or something to prime the pump.   There are a few people in my life that somehow pull good ideas out of me.  The quality of conversation or the questions they ask just help me to approach problems from a different angle.

A great book will also spur on your thinking.  Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be a relevant topic.  Reading great thinkers often produces great thinking.

5.  PERMISSION TO FAIL

As I’ve written before, 90% of my ideas are no good.  But, 10% are game changers [read about this concept here].  Over time, I’ve accepted my 90% failure rate.  If I stopped all creative thinking every time I had a bad idea I’d never do anything new.  Some of my favorite practices in life and ministry would have never happened.  Give yourself permission to have a few bad ideas.

We’re called to innovation.  We honor God when we wrestle with hard questions and uncover brilliant solutions through pure hard work and laborious thinking.  This is how I tap into creativity.  How do you do it?

 

 

A Tribute to Brady

This weekend Brady Nemmers who has fearlessly led our student ministry for over a decade announced that he’ll be leaving our church for a lead pastor position at a church down the road.  I could not be happier for him.  He’s one of the best teachers out there.  I’m excited to see where God takes him.

In my opinion, Brady is a student ministry legend.  He has taught me so much about student ministry.  Working alongside him has made me a better person and a more skillful youth pastor.  Today, I want to share a bit about what he’s taught me.

  1. Environment Matters

Brady has a pretty unique story.  He never set out to be a youth pastor.  He landed in student ministry by way of a biology degree and a thriving DJ business.  Yes, I’m serious.  Back in the 90s if there was a killer Prom going down, Brady was laying down the tracks.

DJing left its mark on Brady.  I’ve never met a person more in tune with environment and atmosphere.  Don’t invite him to your church unless you’re ready for some revealing feedback.

What I learned from Brady is that environment matters.  The way a student feels while the teaching is happening is crucial.  The way that a program flows helps or hinders how students connect with God.  Brady’s unique approach has made our ministry better.

2.  Clarity is Critical

Like I said, Brady is an amazing teacher.  If you asked him, he’d probably tell you that the trick to being a great teacher is speaking with clarity.  Who cares how theologically sound you are if no one knows what you’re talking about.  It’s the presenter’s job to take complex ideas and talk about them in ways that are accessible and useable.  When it comes to student ministry, I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it better than Brady.

3. Lead with Grace

Brady is an optimist.  He sees the good in people and he’s likely to give a person 2nd and 3rd chances.  Coming into my role at Ada Bible I was a little short on grace.  This sort of thing is common in ministry.  You get beat up and lose your tolerance for people.  Watching and imitating Brady has helped me regain a grace filled approach to ministry.

4.  Simplicity is Freeing

At the risk of committing technological heresy, Brady is a bit like Steve Jobs.  OK, maybe I’m overstating my case but what I mean is that Brady loves simplicity.  He resonates with Jobs’ design strategy—simple, elegant and functional.  Brady has applied these principles to our student ministry and it has served us well.  We don’t try to do a lot but what we do we do with excellence.

I think this approach has directly contributed to his and other team members’ longevity.  Complexity and chaos lead to burnout.  Simplicity and elegance lead to excellence and margin.

 

In short, Brady has been an astronomically awesome youth pastor.  He came into the game with basically no training and yet he became an amazing speaker and leader through sheer determination and the humble pursuit of excellence.

Brady Nemmers, I tip my hat to you.  You’re a legend of the game.  We’ll miss you deeply.

Shot across the bow…you’re gonna kill it at your next gig.

3 Things Guys Must Understand About Sex

A few weeks ago I wrote 4 pieces on what girls need to know about sex.  Since then many people have asked me to write the same stuff for guys.  So I did.  I wrote 3 posts for The Youth Culture Report Blog.  I think they’ll be helpful if you are a parent of a guy, have guys in your student ministry, are a guy, know a guy or have heard about guys.  Here’s an excerpt:

God invented sex.  No, for real.  At some point God called his angels around and said, “I just had an idea.  A really good idea.  No Gabriel, way better than volcanos.”  OK, I know that’s not how God actually works, but God did invent sex.  It was His idea and it was an awesome idea—probably the awesomest idea ever. 

Check out the rest of the post:  3 Things Guys Must Know About Sexuality

 

If you’re interested in the 4 posts on talking to girls about sex, you can find them here:

3 Things Girls Must Know About Sexuality

3 Things Girls Must Know About Sexuality Part 2

3 Things Girls Must Know About Sexuality Part 3

4 Traps That Will Derail a Girl’s Dreams

 

How Realism Can Damage Faith

Have you ever had a genius idea that went south? I’m sort of notorious for this sort of thing.  In my previous student ministry we were very active in the realm of community service.  We were always looking for ways to jump in and do something positive in our city.  We called our service ministry “splagXnon.”  It’s Greek for compassion—the kind of compassion that comes from your guts.  Well, at least I think that’s what it means.  It’s been about 10 years since Biblical Greek 201.  [Side note…yes, I was that guy who used random Greek words to name everything from bible study groups to Dixie cups.]

So, I got this idea that we would clean up the town. OK, that’s kind of a lie.  The truth is I was really annoyed by how much trash was in the vacant lot across the street from my apartment complex.  I kept thinking to myself, “Someone should clean that crap up!”  Then I came up with the brilliant scheme that my students should clean it up.

So, at our next service project I split the group into teams and told them that whoever came back with the most trash would win something awesome.  And by the way, there was a ton of trash in a specific vacant lot on Snow Rd.  Whoever cleaned up that lot would probably win the competition.  Oh, and it just happened to be across the street from my apartment.  Total coincidence.

Now, in my head I was imagining groups coming back with only two or three garbage bags of trash.  I mean, there was a ton of trash in that vacant lot but only of the paper and plastic variety.  What actually happened blew my mind.  My students came back with couches, tires, discarded recliners, ginormous rolls of carpet, paint cans for days and a quarter million trash bags.  I’m not exactly sure what happened but I’m pretty sure the winning team broke into a landfill.

In the end there was a small mountain of trash decorating the lawn of our church.  Why the lawn?  Well, I may have overlooked the need for extra dumpsters.  I’m the guy who comes up with the big idea and forgets to cover the critical details—like dumpsters for example.  Needless to say, my senior pastor was not a fan of my “splagXnon”.  It probably wouldn’t have been that bad but the “splagXnon” lawn ornament stayed for over a week.  You can always count on trash removal guys to ruin your relationship with your senior pastor.  Psh…jerks.  Worst of all, the students didn’t clean up a single thing in the vacant lot.

Basically, nothing good came out of that experience, well other than that it helped to reshape how I think about students and serving.  I learned that students think big. Not only that but they hope.  Unlike most adults, students still believe they can do something huge–like clean up an entire town or change the world.  In other words, our students still believe that the Gospel can do what Jesus said it could.

There are times when we as youth pastors and volunteers are guilty of forcing our students into a box–the box of what we’re comfortable with.  At some point we stop believing that God really can use us to change the world.  And then we somehow think we’re doing kids a favor by reigning in their passion.  What if, when we do this, we are fighting against what God is doing in that student’s heart?  I wish I had a DeLorean so I could go back in time and change every, “That’s a cool idea Johnny but it will never actually work” into, “That’s a cool idea Johnny.  Go for it!  I’ll be right behind you cheering you on.”

And yet, with all that said, couldn’t they at least have cleaned up that vacant lot across my apartment?

4 Traps That Will Derail a Girl’s Dreams

mousetrapThis week my blog has been devoted to a talk I gave to our female high school students during our student ministry’s sexuality series.  The response to these posts has been overwhelming!  So, I decided to add one more post.  This too comes from that original talk.

As I wrapped up the conversation, I warned our girls of a few traps that commonly derail women from what they really want out of romance and relationships.  Here they are:

1.  50% of Guys are Dangerous to Your Dreams

Unfortunately, pornography has become a massive issue in our culture.  Recent studies have shown that as many as 50% of guys are addicted to pornography.  I know that the last thing you want to think about is pornography but it’s important to understand that guys who are addicted to pornography are dangerous to your dreams.  If the statistics are true, this means that half the guys out there are not for you.  Here’s why:

Pornography is toxic to intimacy.  Pornography will corrupt the way a guy views women.  The longer he is addicted to pornography the more women become mere objects.   Let me speak plainly, you DO NOT want to end up married to a guy who is addicted to pornography.  I have seen and heard of so many marriages that were wrecked because of pornography.  If you discover that the guy you are involved with is addicted to pornography dump him and run—even if it’s the day of the wedding.

2.  You Get What You Dress For

Look, I understand that you crave and love the attention that you get from dressing sexy, but there is a cost.  First, there is a danger in viewing your self-worth more and more through the lens of physical beauty.  Eventually this will cause major problems to your self-image.

Secondly, what you really want is a man who will treasure you for all your life.  This kind of man is searching for a woman who is worthy of respect.  Whether it’s fair or not, men make snap judgments about a woman’s character based on the way she dresses.  If you want attention from the kind of man who will treasure you forever, aim for cute and save sexy for the night of your wedding.

3.  If you Want Good Coffee Don’t Go to Denny’s

This one will blow your mind:  You will most likely fall in love and marry a friend.  You will probably meet this friend somewhere that you regularly hang out.  This is how romance works.

You also don’t get to decide beforehand who you will fall in love with.  That’s the funny thing about falling in love—you fall into it.  It just sort of happens.  One minute he’s funny and the next he’s dreamy.  It’s like magic.

So, if you’ll most likely marry a friend who you meet somewhere that you regularly hang out, you should probably pay close attention to who you hang out with and where. In other words, if you want good coffee don’t go to Denny’s.  Go to Starbucks.

Confused?  If you want a godly man who will treasure you forever, hang out in the places where he’ll hang out.

4.  Prince Charming Won’t Change Who You Are

My final warning is this, don’t fall for the trap that the perfect guy will make you happy or complete you.  No guy, no matter how dapper or gentlemanly can love you more than God already loves you.   Be who you are in Christ.  Truly understanding and living out your identity as a treasured daughter of the King is the key to everything.

 

3 Things Girls Must Know about Sexuality: Part 3

Lily 3Piper5Today’s post is the third installment in a series about talking to female students about sexuality.  As I began my talk I asked the girls if I could practice a conversation on them that I planned to have with my own daughters.  If you’re starting to think I’m a creeper you might want to check out days one and two and or check my Facebook to confirm that I do in fact have my own daughters.

If you want to see you dreams come true in terms of relationships and love you must first answer these questions:  “Who am I?” and “What do I want?  The final question you need to be able to answer is this:

How Do Guys Think?

It’s all well and good to understand who you are and what you want but if you don’t understand how guys think you’ll spend most of your time being confused by how we act toward you.

  • We are Physically and Visually Oriented

Here’s the first thing you have to understand about guys: we are visually and physically oriented.  Women, as you already know, are relationally and emotionally oriented.  Let me illustrate how this works in dating.  Imagine yourself walking along the beach during a beautiful sunset with a guy who you are attracted to.  He is looking deeply into your eyes, speaking softly, using words like, “love, “beautiful” and “forever.”  What happens to you in the moment?  You forget where you are, your heart starts to do that butterfly thing and you feel a warmth creep from your toes to your hair and you are completely lost in the moment.  In fact, if you’re not careful you are liable to do something you regret.  In other words, the atmosphere, words, attention and romance sweep you away and make you more likely to do something dumb.

It’s totally different for a guy.  Do you want to know what sweeps him away and makes him more likely to do something dumb?  Two things:  your body and…your body.  OK, that’s only one thing but you get the point.  Look I know it sounds weird or maybe you think it is gross but the truth is, this is how God created us.  We are obsessed with you and specifically your body.  You have power over us.  The more that your body is exposed and the closer it is to us the dumber we get.

So, the moral of the story is this:  if you don’t want to cross your boundaries tell him to shut up when he uses the “L” word and wear as many clothes as you can.  But seriously, just understand the differences in the way we are wired.  When there are candles and he’s speaking to you lovingly, you get dumber.  When your body is close to his and you are kissing him, he gets dumber.  If you aren’t married both of these scenarios can be dangerous.  If you are married it’s really quite awesome.

  • We Don’t Want to be Chased

Here’s another thing that guys want:  to conquer you.  I don’t mean that in any sort of gross or sexual way.  I mean that a guy wants to pursue you and win your heart.  I always tell people that I dated my wife for a full year before she started dating me back.  She played hard to get and that was a really good thing.

All I can say is that, the kind of guy who will treasure you forever is the kind of guy who has the confidence and moral capacity to pursue you.  The kind of guy who won’t love you in the way you deserve doesn’t have the strength to pursue you.  He is a sissy and you don’t want to end up with him.  The reverse of this is also true, the kind of guy who will love you forever doesn’t want to be chased by a girl because girls like that are not worthy of respect.  See also Potipher’s wife.  A man wants to treasure a woman who is worthy of respect and love.  So, if you’re chasing after a guy who you like…stop it.  Trust me.  If he is the kind of guy who is worth your time, he will pursue you.

Tomorrow, I’ll finish this series with a few thoughts on traps that can derail a girl and keep her from her dreams.

 

 

3 Things Girls Must Know about Sexuality: Part 2

Lily 2Piper3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few weeks ago I gave a talk to our female high school students in which I asked them if I could practice a talk on them that I planned to have with my own daughters when they were older.  Today’s post is the second of three parts in this conversation.

Here’s where we’re at:  If you want to see you dreams come true in terms of relationships and romance you must first answer this question:  “Who am I?”  The second question you need to wrestle with is this:

What Do I Want?

  • Treasured

I would argue that when it comes to the realm of romance, what you want is The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks.  And by that I don’t mean all that gross stuff in the beginning of the movie with the piano in that old house, or even that cute lying down in the middle of the street scene.

I’m talking about how the husband relentlessly pursues his wife for all of her life.  He never gives up on her, fights for her, loves her passionately and sticks by her side despite the fact that she loses her marbles and doesn’t even know who he is.  That movie is guaranteed to make you cry because it speaks to your deepest and most secret desire.  You want to be treasured.  You want to be fought for.  You want a man to treat you like a princess, not just when you are young and beautiful but when you are old, saggy and senile.

  • Who Can Treasure You?

So, here’s my question:  what kind of guy will love you like that?  Some of you already have the experience to know that the answer is not, “any good looking guy who notices you.” The honest truth is, not every guy you run into can love you like that.  Let me say it another way, not every guy you fall for has the moral fabric to produce that kind of love.  Not every guy who chases you can love you like that.  Not every guy who tells you that you are beautiful is willing and able to treasure you.  It takes strong character and inner security to pursue a woman like that.  It has to be a quality man who has built his life on Jesus because in my opinion only Jesus can produce that kind of love.

  • Don’t Sacrifice Your Dreams!

This is my challenge:  Don’t base your dating decisions on what you want today or even what you want next week.  Base your dating decisions on what you want in thirty years.  Instead of imagining a hot date on Friday night, imagine two rocking chairs parked awkwardly close to each other on an old familiar porch.  Do not sacrifice your dreams for temporary fulfillment.

The unfortunate reality of our culture is that 90% of the guys who will show interest in you do not possess the character required to treasure you and love you in the way you really want and deserve.  And yet, you will have days when you are lonely.  There will be seasons of life in which every one of your friends is in love and you have no one.  I understand that being patient isn’t easy.  But hey, when you get lonely eat some ice cream—for reals.  Instead of texting that boy who isn’t worth your time, eat a snickers.  Don’t sacrifice your dreams for the attention of some boy who doesn’t have it in him to treasure you.  You are much too valuable for that.

And remember who you are.  Until you embrace your identity in Jesus and understand how desperately your creator loves you, you will not be strong enough to exercise the patience that it takes to wait for the right kind of guy.  Work on your identity.  You will never be more loved than you are right now.

3 Things Girls Must Know About Sexuality

LilyPiper

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few weeks ago I talked to our female high school students and leaders about sexuality.  I began by introducing them to my daughters through a picture on the screen behind me.  I asked them for permission to practice a conversation I planned to have with my daughters when they get a little older.  The next three days of my blog will be devoted to what I said.

If you want to see your dreams come true—in terms of relationships and marriage, and I know all of you have an image in your mind of what your wedding will be like, down to the dress and the colors—then you have to be able to answer three questions.

Who am I?

  • You are a Masterpiece

First, you need to understand that as women you are the pinnacle of God’s creative abilities.  He created you last.   You’re the, “Now I’m just showing off” part of creation.  Every artist has a masterpiece and for the artist who built the universe, you’re it.  I get the impression from the scriptures that God is incredibly proud of “woman.”  You should take comfort and pride in your beautiful uniqueness.

And understand this:   God implanted a ridiculously powerful magnetic pull within men to be enamored with you. Perhaps you’ve experienced our eyes following you.  Kind of awkward I know but we are created to be drawn to you.  In our minds, you and more specifically your body are more alluring and beautiful than mountains, waterfalls, sunsets, shootings stars, and anything else that you can think of.  God has given you an incredible and special gift and that gift is your sexuality.  How you use it is completely up to you.  You can waste it or invest it.

  • You are Desperately Loved

Not only are you incredibly valuable to God as the masterpiece of His creation, but you are also desperately loved.  Jesus became a human, suffered and died and was raised back to life in order to rescue you from your sin and rebellion.  God loves you, and I mean you specifically, enough to sacrifice His very life to bring you back to Him.  Understand this:  you will never be more loved than you are right now.  No one or nothing could make you more loved than you already are.  You are desperately loved.

Secondly, you need to understand that your beauty is anchored in what God has said about you.  Psalm 139:13-14 tells us that God knit you together in your mother’s womb.  In case you were wondering, humans are not mass produced.  God lovingly creates each one of us individually.  He takes immense satisfaction in who you are.  He personally constructed your personality and body.  Hear this, He purposely gave you the body that you live in and he is immensely happy with it.

  • Beauty is NOT Defined by Culture

In our culture, “what is beautiful” is defined by a bunch of fat, gross rich guys who’ve been divorced 15 times, sitting in a gaudy office making a crap-ton of money from exploiting women.  If you take your cue from them you will always struggle with not feeling good about yourself.

Each of us needs to decide where we will look when it comes to our identity and value.  You can choose to look up or look around.  When you look up you listen to what God has said about you then you become grounded in the reality that you are God’s masterpiece—handcrafted and desperately loved.  When you look around you are resigned to comparing your body to the magazine rack and internet cartoon women.  Computer cursers elongate them, make them bigger in some parts, smaller in others and shade their faces like a coloring book.  In our culture, the standard for beauty is a cartoon.  This isn’t fair and if you fall into the trap of comparing your body with a cartoon you’ll constantly struggle with feeling good about yourself.

My prayer for you is that you would look up and understand how beautiful, amazing, treasured and important you are.  You will never be more loved than you are in this moment.  Live in this reality and you will find life.

When you truly understand who you are in Jesus and begin to live out of that identity you become more and more whole and at peace every day.  When you are at peace and content with who you are then you are ready to love and be loved by someone else.  In other words, when your identity is built around Jesus you will become emotionally healthy enough to pursue your relational dreams.