Uncategorized | Aaron Buer

Why We Do Summer Camp

Last week was Camp LifeLine—a week of camp on the illustrious shores of Stoney Lake. It was an incredible experience for everyone—staff, volunteers and students. I’m so grateful for how our volunteers left it all on the field. Our team absolutely killed it and most importantly, God showed up in a big way.

I can’t imagine our student ministry without camp. It’s an indispensable part of what we do. Here are a few reasons why we believe in camp.

GOD MOVES

On Thursday night we led our students in an hour long worship experience. God moved powerfully. Near the end of the night I invited students to surrender their lives to Jesus. 200 middle school students came forward to pray with their leaders. It was amazing. There’s just something special about getting away with students and creating space for God to move.

IT’S JUST TOO FUN

Camp is where we drop our most ridiculous and hilarious videos. For example…

NurseryBack from LifeLine Student Ministries on Vimeo.

TRAINING

Throughout the week, high school students who served as junior cabin leaders came to me with extraordinarily difficult questions from their small group time. Some were theological, some were practical and some were downright ridiculous. I love the fact that our high school students were wrestling through tough issues with our middle school students. When it comes to ministry and leadership training, it really doesn’t get much better than camp.

“I FEEL LOVED BY THE WAY THEY TEACH”

Halfway through the week, one of our cabin leaders came to us with a story about an incoming 6^th grade girl. During their cabin small group time, the question was raised, “What makes you feel loved.” The girl’s response was that the teachings that our staff were giving made her feel loved.

I love camp because in the span of a week you can teach your students somewhere between 8-10 times. And truthfully, kids listen better at camp. This means that you can really dig into issues or clearly communicate a few ideas. For this 6^th grade girl, who for whatever reason doesn’t feel loved; we were able to drive home the fact that she is desperately loved by her Creator. That truth, well understood, can transform a life.

AN ENTIRE CABIN COMING TO CHRIST

Very early in our week of camp we went old school. We preached the gospel and called for a commitment. We didn’t go Billy Graham and ask people to come forward but we did send them to their small groups with a few pointed questions. After the salvation teaching, an entire cabin of middle school boys gave their lives to Jesus.

Many other students decided to follow Jesus during the week and I love the fact that many of our high school leaders participated in the conversations and prayers. What a life changing experience for them.

BUILDING TRUST WITH PARENTS

Lastly, I love summer camp because it is our best marketing tool with parents. As it turns out, when you have their middle schooler with you at camp for the week, parents listen to your communications. They watch the videos and read the blog attentively. This is a big opportunity for us to communicate our values.

We received an astronomical amount of appreciation from parents through social media during the week and in person at the end of the week. Camp provides our ministry with an opportunity to build trust with parents. We’re a ministry that highly values partnering with parents, so for us, camp is a huge win.

Influencing Boys Toward Greatness | Purpose

Many of the young men I’ve talked with lately are all feeling the same crippling emotion: aimlessness. I believe that most of this generation’s men are lost. They don’t know what their purpose is in life.

Great men know what they are about. They know why God put them on this earth. They have a sense of destiny and direction.

Today, I’m finishing up a week of blogging about raising great boys. If we want boys to lead significant lives, they must know their purpose —they must know what God made they to do. So, how in the world do you help a boy figure this out? You must uncover it with him.

BOYS NEED TO BE TOLD

When God created Adam, He placed him in the garden, told him who he was and why he was on the earth. He gave him a name and a job. I’m almost certain that without being told, Adam would have been thoroughly confused about what he was supposed to be doing. “I didn’t know what else to do so I invented the tropical fish tank…”

Like Adam, boys need to be told who they are and why they are here. It’s just not in our nature as humans to figure this stuff out on our own. As a parent or youth worker, it’s your privilege and duty to become a student of the boys under your care and to help them uncover their wiring, gifting, passions and ultimately, purpose.

EXPERIMENT

No one expects you to be able to diagnose a boy’s life passion and purpose overnight. These things are like science experiments. You develop a hypothesis and you test it. Most of the time your hypothesis is wrong but it moves you one step closer to the truth.

As boys progress through life, let them experiment. Push them to try all kinds of stuff. Somewhere along the line a boy will experience something that awakens something buried deep within him. He will light up. Take note: these experiences probably have something to do with his wiring, gifting, passions and purpose.

MISSION

As a follower of Jesus, I believe that life is most meaningful when our passions and gifts are aligned with what God is doing in the world. It’s crucially important that we as parents and youth workers help our boys understand the compelling and life altering mission of the Church. It’s vital that our boys understand what God’s mission is in the world and how we can join in.

When a man finds himself at the intersection of his passions, purpose and the mission of God in the world, he will find life and meaning—and more of it than he ever imagined was possible.

EXIT THE MATRIX

We need to be honest for a second, rich and meaningful lives are not easy to come by. In fact, it is hard to live a life of purpose. There is always immense opposition within and outside of us, pushing us to accept mediocrity. This is part of the reason that boys find video games so compelling. Without a whole lot of actual work, he can be the hero. He can create, battle evil, save the girl, or even conquer the world.

The temptation so many young men fall into is retreating into false worlds where they can live rich and meaningful lives of purpose while accepting mediocre or worse in their real lives.

Look, I love video games. I really do. However, far too many guys are OBSESSED with video games—playing them for hours and hours every day. Meanwhile the real world is suffering. The church needs young men who will run after Jesus and partner with him in bringing heaven to earth every day.

If you are a parent, build boundaries around video games and help your son uncover who God created him to be and what he is calling him to do in this world. If you are a youth worker, model boundaries with video games. If you are a young man, unplug and dive into the Kingdom. There is so much work to be done. There is far too much injustice on this broken planet for us to keep shooting each other over and over on the same Black Ops maps night after night.

We need to help boys build boundaries around video games so that they don’t overtake and ultimately replace their lives. Like most everything, video games can be used in a healthy way but it is difficult, especially for a young teenage boy, to find the balance.

Influencing Boys Toward Greatness | Character

This week, my blog is focused on raising great boys. Yesterday was all about building self-respect and today I want to focus on building character. Let’s be real, there aren’t many men of character out there. So, how do we raise boys with a strong inner compass? I’m glad you asked.

CHARACTER MUST BE MODELED

First, character cannot be taught. There is not a video series or book that will impart character. Character must be caught. It can only be modeled. So, very simply, if you want your boys to develop strong character, you must develop strong character yourself. Your son will catch your ethics like a virus. The boys in your small group will follow your example. How you handle money, conflict, and anger will very likely be how he handles money, conflict and anger.

Step one in developing character in boys is to develop character in you. My advice, become a student of Jesus. Never has the world encountered a man of character quite like Him.

CONNECT BOYS WITH EXCEPTIONAL MEN

Sadly, in our culture, many men are either overgrown boys whose closest experience with manhood is Call of Duty, or insecure men whose only tools of influence and leadership are intimidation and coercion. Because of this, boys don’t have many good role models. Every one of us wants to become a quality man but few of us have any idea how to get there. The road map has become exceedingly rare.

Men who genuinely put others first and possess the self-confidence to be who God designed them to be are hard to find. When you come across one, connect your son with him. Invite that man over for dinner or ask him if he would be willing to meet with your son a few times. It may sound like I’m being a little awkward but boys need proximity with quality men to understand that there are alternatives to what they see on TV. Quality men can help your son realize the potential of who he could become.

CREATE AND MAINTAIN BOUNDARIES

All of creation naturally slides toward chaos and brokenness. As part of creation, boys are no different. They need us to create and maintain boundaries so that they can learn character—so that they can learn the path to life. We must come to terms with the fact that boys will not develop good character on their own. His sinful nature will always push him toward what will harm him and others.

One of the keys to maintaining boundaries with boys is adjusting your approach as they grow older. At first, you decide what the boundaries are and enforce them. Most parents do pretty well when their boys are young and then practically lose their minds when their cute little boys morph into teenagers. This happens not because teenagers are the devil but rather because they are different than little children.

A good example for boys is video games. When he is young you (hopefully) keep his screen time very low. As he grows older he will probably try to negotiate the boundaries. Pull him into the conversation, talk to him about why you want to limit screen time. Let him increase it as long as his grades stay where they ought to be and his social behavior remains acceptable. Make him see that he will be responsible for his own decisions.

As parents, we must adapt our approach as our boys grow older. They need to own the boundaries as much as we do. We need to include them in on the process of creating and enforcing boundaries. Help him understand why the boundary is important and bring him into the conversation of what’s to be done when he crosses the line.

LET HIM FACE THE CONSEQUENCES

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard is that people don’t change until the pain of where they are is greater than the pain of changing. Some of my greatest character lessons have come from mistakes. These lessons hurt but I learned and matured. They were necessary for the development of my character. Looking back I wish I could have learned in a less painful way but I am grateful for lessons learned through pain and disgrace.

In my opinion, one of the worst things parents and youth workers can do for boys is bail them out of trouble every time they get into it. Letting him face the natural consequences of bad decisions is great parenting. It’s painful to watch him suffer but don’t give into the temptation to rescue him. In doing so, you will nullify one of God’s clearest principles—you reap what you sow.

Influencing Boys Towards Greatness

There aren’t a whole lot of quality men out there. When I think about the kind of man I want my daughters to marry, I don’t see many of them. Men of character are an endangered species.

With all that said, I want to raise great sons and I want the boys in my student ministry to become great men. I want them to become strong men of faith who know who they are and what their purpose is in life. I want them to become faithful and loving husbands and fathers. In a culture that is currently producing so many low quality men, how do we do this? How exactly do you raise and mentor boys like that? I have a few thoughts…

SELF-RESPECT

A quality man must have a strong sense of self-respect. Why? Because every man’s deepest longing is for respect—for the people around him to be proud of him. If he doesn’t possess an understanding of himself that leads him to believe that he is respectable and worth being proud of, he will struggle through life. So, as parents, youth workers or even friends, how do we build the self-respect of boys and young men?

1. Does He Understand Where His Value Comes From?

Men naturally believe that their value flows from what they can do. We were created to work—to build, create, fix and accomplish but because of sin we have developed an unhealthy assumption that what we do wholly determines our worth.

Boys need to understand that their value comes from the fact that God loves them not from what they can do. We must repeatedly and carefully reinforce this truth.

2. Does He Know that you are Proud of Him?

The central need of a man is for respect. In order to develop healthy future relationships, boys must develop a strong sense of self-respect. As a parent you will deeply influence this process by the way that you talk to your son. Does he know that you are proud of him? Does he hear it on a regular basis?

Based on the way you talk about the boys under your influence, they will develop the belief that they either can or can’t in the world. Boys who are not praised regularly or who are criticized relentlessly will have an incredibly hard time developing strong relationships as they grow older.

Life is hard and will at times leave a boy reeling. Gift the boys in your life with an irreversible belief that he IS respectable.

3. Does He Know What it means to be Respectable?

So, what exactly does it mean to be respectable? Our culture is severely confused about this. Popular TV, music and video games teach that respect comes from power and intimidation. Because of this, guys spend an inordinate amount of time building muscles, athletic expertise and overall toughness. No one is talking about honor, wisdom, moral strength or work ethic.

True respectability comes from humble strength. It comes from living rightly and serving the people around us—not dominating them. A respectable man draws the best out of people by empowering them. This is especially true in a good marriage.

We must show our boys what real respectability is all about. As a father, how do you treat the women in your life? Are you empowering them through humble service? As a mother, how do you talk about your husband or other men in your life?

How you handle conflict will also teach boys about respectability. Do you demand what you want through intimidation and guilt? If so, this is what he will learn. How you conduct yourselves during conflict will teach him how people ought to be treated when it really matters.

The foundation of a man’s identity is his sense of self-respect. You can help the boys in your life develop healthy self-respect by showing them why they are valuable, that you are proud of them, and what respectability is all about.

I’ll continue this topic tomorrow by sharing some ideas on how to build character in boys.

Why Camp LifeLine Rules

Tomorrow is almost better than Christmas. Tomorrow our student ministry leaves for camp. Without a doubt this is one of my favorite weeks of the year. I am incredibly proud of our camp both in terms of our program and for how astronomically well our volunteers and students lead and serve.

When it comes to camp our team is boss and yet, we keep it very simple. We’re only aiming to do three things. But, we’re planning to knock these three things out of the park. Here they are.

FUN

We unapologetically attempt to blow the roof off when it comes to fun. There will be entertaining videos. There will be dance parties. There will be ridiculously creative games.

We have been working for months on some of the best videos we’ve ever created. Our camp storyline is epic. That’s really all I can say because it’s all top secret.

Here’s the thing, I happen to believe that fun can be a spiritual experience. Yes, I’m being serious. Many of this generation’s students are hurting. Many of them are under enormous pressure. Many of them feel abandoned by the adults in their lives. If we, as a ministry representing Jesus, can offer them laughter and fun and a reprieve from the pain, pressure and abandonment then fun is a spiritual experience.

When adults take vacation time to spend a week with students—when they get on the students’ level by having fun and laughing with them—God is pleased.

FOCUS ON JESUS

Everything we do at camp points toward Jesus. The sessions, the worship, the fun, the games, the relationships—everything is focused on Jesus. If we get to the end of camp and we haven’t made it crystal clear to all of our students that God loves them and wants a relationship with them through Jesus then we have failed.

More than anything else we are interested in connecting students with Jesus because we believe that life, meaning and purpose is found when we connect our passions, talents and possessions with the mission of Jesus in the world.

LOVE STUDENTS

Everything we do in LifeLine revolves around relationships and our camp is no different. Each cabin functions as a small group. Cabins compete together, eat together, and experience sessions and small groups together. Our goal is that each cabin would function as a family at camp.

I like to think of a week of camp as a little taste of heaven. For one week each student can get away from his struggles and pressures. For one week each student is treated with love and respect. For one week each kid doesn’t have to produce anything. For one week distractions are put aside and a kid can worship her creator without worrying about what other people are saying about her. For one week a student can share her heart and a caring adult will listen empathetically, cry with her and pray with her. For one week students can feel the very presence of God and hear His voice calling them to real life.

Camp is so amazing. I can’t wait to see how our volunteers and student leaders rise up and love students—some of which haven’t been loved well ever in their lives. I can’t wait to see the smiles and laughter of students getting a little taste of heaven. I can’t wait to see how God moves and transforms life. Can you tell that I’m psyched for Camp LifeLine?

Youth Ministry Videos 101

A few years ago we came to terms with a painful truth. Students don’t listen to us when we talk to them from the stage. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty sure they nominally pay attention to the teachings but they never listen to announcements. Every time we take the stage and invite students to sign up for a retreat or to tell them about an event that will drastically change their lives they stare at us blankly and remember nothing. Meanwhile, the energy in the room plummets. By the time we start our worship set the girls are texting and the guys are asleep.

One thing we noticed about our culture is that people always pay attention to screens. Call it being addicted to technology or visually stimulated or whatever you want but a compelling image or a well done commercial captures us. If you don’t know what I’m talking about schedule your next team meeting at Buffalo Wild Wings and see how much you accomplish.

So, based on our observations about the power of screens we started shooting video announcements. In the beginning it was just me sitting in a chair talking and it has evolved into rap videos and other ridiculousness. I know we aren’t breaking new ground here and plenty of other ministries use video announcements but ours are way better than theirs.

OK, not really but we have been amazed at how video announcements have contributed to our student ministry community and culture. Adding some ridiculous characters and YouTube spoofs has amped up the fun level.

If you’re interested in getting in the video announcement game, here are a few suggestions.

1. Invest in Good Gear

Filming can be as inexpensive and simple as pulling out your iPhone and hitting record but we all know that isn’t going to yield a visually pleasing end product (not to mention the audio). Here’s the thing. Your students and volunteers all watch TV in HD and probably movies on Blu-Ray. A good set of gear and trained people will help get you comparable quality. People appreciate well made videos.

In the film world, you get what you pay for. A video shot on a two thousand dollar camera and a fifteen hundred dollar lens will look better than a seven hundred dollar camera on a standard kit lens. And the same goes for audio and microphones. It can be daunting at first with all the choices, but that’s where people with experience come in. Chat it up with someone you know who does film, tell them what you plan to do and ask what lens will be best for you, what tri-pod they’d recommend, which lens best fits your needs, etc.

2. Find and Film Expressive People

There is a reason that not everyone is an actor. This doesn’t mean that your videos require professional actors but it does mean you need expressive people. Maybe this is you, maybe it isn’t. This could also be a great opportunity to pull in students and volunteers. Trust me when I say that the wrong people on video are worse than the wrong people on stage.

3. Act like a Clown

Sometimes the announcement needs to come from you—even if you’re not expressive. We’ve discovered that acting normally while filming will make you appear like you just woke up from a nap. You have to amp up your energy. Focus on making your face more expressive. Talk with your hands and act like you’re overly excited. I know this sounds ridiculous but trust me.

4. Keep it Short

Our biggest mistake in creating announcement videos has been length. Anything over 5 minutes is WAY too long. We aim for 4 minutes or shorter if there is some sort of storyline or 2 or 3 minutes if it is a simple announcement. Never overestimate the attention span of your students. Squirrel!

5. Delegate the Filming and Editing

If you’re like me, editing software might as well be in Chinese. I’m helpless. No problem. There are a bazillion people out there who love to film, edit and produce videos. They’ll probably also complete projects 40x faster than you could. Take advantage of people who want to serve.

6. Grant Creative Freedom

Over the last 4 years, video characters and ongoing storylines have dramatically increased the fun in our student ministry. Especially in middle school, a few reoccurring characters can be brilliant. My advice, find some funny people and turn them loose to create ideas and videos. If you have someone who can do voices, plug them in! You can score costumes for basically nothing by spending an afternoon perusing local thrift shops. Amp up the fun in your student ministry by getting ridiculous with announcement videos.

7. Steal Ideas

We’re all on the same team right? Our early video ideas were all stolen—usually from Saddleback. Sorry! Sometimes we still steal great ideas because, well they are great ideas. Here’s our Vimeo page. Feel free to steal our ideas or at least laugh at how bad our early videos were.

photo credited to SPDP

Church Signs

I’m fascinated with church signs. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve driven by a ridiculous church sign, did a facepalm and almost crashed my car, I’d have at least $20. They are just so hilarious and embarrassing!

So, at the risk of offending everyone who writes content for church signs, I’d like to spend a little time reviewing some of the more baffling ones I’ve seen.

I’m assuming this comes with a “Jesus is my child support” bumper sticker.

Photo Credited to J.G. Charlet III

Wait…what?

photo credited to flamk

I’m trying to remember the last time I paid for GPS…

photo credited to jon rubin

I always appreciate good theology coupled with good grammar.

photo credited to williac

Great. Now I’m craving A1 sauce.

photo credited to echo9er

If I remember correctly, Scully goes to this church.

photo credited to au_tiger01

And if God had a dumpster, this sign would be in it.

photo credited to au_tiger01

I’m not really up on technology. Is this a Xanga reference?

photo credited to Loren Sztajer

Fun as in slavery? I think I’ll keep my kids home.

photo credited to ttcopley

Well that should put an end to atheism…

photo credited to Dvortygirl

I could look at ridiculous church signs for hours! So entertaining. OK, I’m done.

Lessons on Porn from the British

Apparently the leaders of the British government have had enough of pornography. David Cameron, the Prime Minister of gave a speech recently in which he announced that pornography is “corroding childhood.” He announced that “family-friendly filters would be automatically selected for all new [Internet] customers by the end of the year – although they could choose to switch them off. And millions of existing computer users would be contacted by their internet providers and told they must decide whether to use or not use ‘family-friendly filters’ to restrict adult material.”

If you’d like to read an article that describes this in detail, click here.

What I appreciate about Cameron’s speech is not that his measures will stop people from viewing pornography because people who want to watch porn will find a way. What I appreciate is that he is willing to call pornography wrong. He took a stand to protect the children of his nation.

Secondly, I do believe that Cameron’s initiatives could push back how early children see pornography. Based on the testimonies of students and volunteers that I’ve interacted with, most people’s first contact with pornography happens unintentionally and almost always through the Internet.

With that said, we as parents and youth workers need to come to terms with the fact that kids will see pornography. The latest statistics that I’ve seen reveal that 98% of boys have seen pornography by age 18. More and more kids are introduced to pornography while in elementary school. So what do we do? How to do help our children navigate this? Here are a few thoughts:

CHANGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS

First, we need to come to terms with the fact that our children will see pornography. The age where we could keep them from the destructive influence of porn is gone. Now, we must learn to help them navigate a culture in which sex is pervasive.

This doesn’t mean that we simply surrender. In fact, it means that we must be even more vigilant. The first step is to help our elementary age children understand that pornography is wrong. And, if they run into it we want them to talk to us about it. We want our children to process their introduction to porn with us, not friends or the Internet.

MONITOR YOUR KIDS

Watch what your kids are doing online. Set up filters when they are young to protect them. And when they are older, use X3watch. This is a tool that will email you (or any accountability partner) any sketchy sites that your child visited. It is an accountability tool. In my opinion, accountability is better than filters because your child will learn to navigate around filters. X3watch can lead to conversations between you and your child, which is exactly what your child will need.

PORNOGRAPHY IS A DRUG

One of the ways you can help our kids is by explaining the dangers of pornography. We need to stop simply saying, “Don’t do it because it is wrong.” Kids aren’t dumb. They need to understand for themselves why it is dangerous. This video does a nice job of explaining how pornography affects the brain in the way drugs do.

PUBLIC SCREENS

Computers are relatively easy to monitor. Just keep the computer in a public space in your home. Smart phones and tablets are a different story. It is alarming that kids can access pornography anywhere at any time from a device they keep in their pocket.

When setting up boundaries, don’t forget about mobile devices. A good rule is to require that your kids’ phones be charged in a public place overnight. Keep all screens in public places. Also, consider putting X3watch on mobile devices as well.

COMPASSION NOT ANGER

The way we respond to our kids when they confess to looking at porn or when we receive an email from X3watch that reveals what our kids have been looking at will determine whether or not our kids will trust us with accountability and honesty in the future. Respond with compassion and help rather than anger and disappointment.

Especially for teenage boys, pornography is overpowering. They need help navigating our over-sexualized culture rather than a guilt trip. Help them set up boundaries. Yes, consequences are still important but make them constructive.

The stories I hear of students overcoming pornography always involve them coming clean with their parents (particularly their dads) and their parents responding with compassion, love and healthy consequences and boundaries.

How to Misinterpret God’s Will

What college should I go to? Should I marry Bill? Should I take the job in Delaware? Decisions can be so confusing and we as Christians often struggle with making good decisions in light of God’s will. Does God want me to marry Bill? How do I know?

I happen to be pretty opinionated when it comes to God’s will. I think a lot of people over-spiritualize God’s will. Here are three traps to watch out for when it comes to discerning God’s will in your life.

GIMME A SIGN

When I was in high school my church was struck by lighting and burned to the ground. No joke. That actually happened. I’ll never forget standing in the parking lot watching the inferno. The blaze was so compelling that my friends and I actually abandoned a Red Wings playoff game to witness the destruction.

Hardly anyone would say that God was mad at my church and therefore smote it. And yet, many people try to interpret the circumstances of their life in this way. “I opened my Bible and saw the word marriage. That means I should marry Bill.” Nope. The last time I remember hearing about God speaking to people this way a dude was running around in camel clothes and eating bugs. I’m not saying God doesn’t speak that way anymore but I think it is a little dangerous to make major decisions based on signs.

DON’T MUDDY THE WATERS

Here’s the thing, God already gave us His Will. It’s called the Bible. In the pages of scripture God has already laid out the answer to most of life’s questions.

“Should I marry Bill?”

“Is he a follower of Jesus?”

“Uh…not exactly.”

“Nope.”

One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard was this: “Don’t try to make unclear what has already been made clear.” If you really are interested in living out God’s will then study God’s letter to you because the answers to most of your questions have already been clarified.

Going Solo

Most bad decisions are often made in a vacuum. If your parents, friends and small group all think marrying Bill is a bad idea…it’s probably a bad idea.

God exists in community—Father, Son and Holy Spirit. God created us to reflect His nature. We as humans reflect God best when we live in community.

Jesus left us with the Spirit and the Church. The word church literally means assembly or gathering. We, as humans are simply better when we submit to community. We were designed for it.

Your family, friends and Jesus community know you. They can see your blind spots. If they don’t think marrying Bill is a good idea, you should listen to them. Together as a community we uncover what God’s will is. Attempting to do this alone is dangerous.

So, that’s my opinion on understanding God’s will. You don’t have to agree with me but I’d love to hear your thoughts on these ideas. Oh, and sorry if your name is Bill.

How Safe is Your Student Ministry?

I hate rules. I really do. I’m still not sure how I survived the rule rich environment of Moody Bible Institute. I think it’s because somewhere along the way I recognized the value of boundaries. Let me explain with a story…

As a young youth pastor in my first position, we embarked on a yearly sojourn to Cedar Point–if you’re not from the Midwest, this is a massive amusement park filled with roller coasters, fried everything you can imagine and the highest mullet per capita anywhere.

After an epic day of G-forces, sunburn and chasing down make-out-minded teenagers, we would arrive back at the church at 11:00 PM and I would wait FOREVER for parents to pick up their kids. I know you’ve been there. On this particular night, I was more than a little exhausted and one girl’s parents had still not shown up after 45 minutes. I called her house and woke up her dad who mumbled something about having to work at 4 AM, a missing car and something else that I didn’t hear because I was so angry.

In frustration and exhaustion I drove her home myself. Fail. At the time I didn’t realize how bad this idea was. In fact, at this point in my career, I regularly met with female students, leaders, and parents one-on-one in coffee shops–sometimes even driving alone with them. I just thought that’s what a youth pastor did.

I didn’t think much about how dangerous these meetings were until a few years later when one of the girls in our ministry invented a story about a fictitious guy who had raped her. It took months for law enforcement to sort out that she was lying but an enormous amount of damage had been done to her reputation.

This is when it hit me that she easily could have made that story up about me or one of my volunteers. Any number of the troubled students I worked with could have invented a story that involved me. Suddenly, I realized the precarious nature of my role.

One student could destroy my career and life with a few well timed lies. And yet, I firmly believe that God has called me to serve these students. What to do?

How do we balance our calling with protecting ourselves and those who serve with us? We must serve smarter. We need to place boundaries around ourselves, our volunteers and our ministries. I hate rules but we must face reality.

Our church and student ministry has spent the last few years thinking through these difficult questions, sometimes against our will. Here’s a list of precautions we take. I encourage you to think through the list and consider how vulnerable your ministry is. Also, please add anything you feel is missing.

One-on-One Meetings

We do not allow our staff or volunteers to do one-one-one meetings with the opposition gender–not even in public places
We document every one-on-one meeting between an adult and student
We require parent approval for every one-on-one meeting
We ensure that another volunteer or staff member knows in advance about each one-on-one meeting.

Troubled Students and Abuse

We have brought CPS and law enforcement representatives into our staff and volunteer training meetings to create clarity about mandatory reporting.
We have created clear lines for when a student has become a threat to the safety of our students and we regularly ask students to take a break from our ministry.
We have a professional counselor on our staff who guides us through every difficult student or family issue that we face. This person connects us with other professional counselors or services when needed.

Security

We have a security coordinator who is a former law enforcement officer who constantly evaluates and advises us on security issues.
We background check every adult who is present during our weekly programs.
We lock our doors before and after check-in and during the entirety of our program.
We have trained security personnel present at all of our events.

I understand that this stuff is about as fun as a root canal but it is important and necessary. We must create safeguards because they protect the integrity of our ministries and they build trust with students and parents.

So, what are your safeguards?

Photo by Calignosus

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