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A Simple Approach to Intergenerational Ministry

A lot has been said and written recently about the importance of intergenerational ministry.  The Sticky Faith research has pointed out the importance of adult mentors in the lives of students.

I think many student ministries assume they are doing well in this area simply because they put adults in proximity with students.  Personally, I do not believe that quality mentoring relationships will naturally grow out of proximity.  It takes intentionality.  Here are 3 ways we intentionally promote intergenerational mentoring.

1.       VISION VOLUNTEERS

First, we INSPIRE our volunteers to become mentors.  Before every Sunday or Wednesday night we hold an hour long leader meeting and one of the things we do in these meetings is tell stories of great mentoring.  We talk about how our volunteers have made a difference in the past and how each person investing in the lives of students today is altering the trajectory of a student’s life.

We EQUIP our volunteers to become mentors.  We teach them how to pursue students, how to manage and effectively lead a small group, how to interact with the parents of their students, and how to handle crisis conversations.  We don’t hold quarterly or even monthly training meetings; we train our volunteers every time we meet for large group.

We EXPECT our volunteers to become mentors.  We believe so deeply in intergenerational mentoring that we create standards.  I understand that it is impossible to quantify mentoring but we do our best to do it anyway.  We require a certain amount of small group activities, one-on-ones with students and parent interactions.

Although our mentors are volunteers, we still hold them accountable to their role.  If they aren’t performing, we carefully confront them.  If after a few more weeks they still aren’t performing, we fire them and find someone else who can mentor our students.  Yes, you can fire a volunteer.  This is how deeply we believe in intergenerational mentoring.

2.       STRUCTURE FOR MENTORING

We happen to believe that over time, small groups are a great place for mentoring relationships to develop.  Because of this we don’t ask students to opt into a small group.  We simply place EVERY STUDENT IN A SMALL GROUP and leave 30 minutes at the end of every LifeLine night for small groups.

Mentoring relationships take time to develop so we leave our small groups intact for all three years of middle school and all four years of high school.  Particularly in high school, we believe that SMALL GROUPS TAKE 1-2 YEARS TO BUILD TRUST.  The next 2 years are fertile soil for mentoring relationships.   

3.        SIMPLIFY PROGRAMMING

We believe that faith is best learned outside of the church building.  Students need to see faith lived out in action.   Because of this belief we require our volunteers to get on their students turf and to interact with them outside of our student ministry programming.

We know that volunteers only have so much time to devote to ministry.  Because mentoring outside the church building’s walls is a premium, we simply cut our programming to make space and time for our volunteers.  WE DON’T DO EVENTS.  Our senior high ministry literally has no events other than our Sunday night programming, snow camp and mission trips.  We simplify so that our volunteers can commit to pursuing their students outside the walls of the church building.

“No events!” You say?  Are you crazy?  Well, I guess that was a lie.  We have all sorts of events but we don’t schedule them—our small groups do, organically.  They are better and more strategically targeted than anything our staff could ever dream up.

 

So there you have it.  3 simple ways to promote mentoring in your ministry.  How have you promoted mentoring relationships in your setting?

 

 

Guest Post: Seeing Our Place in the Story

Have you ever felt like it is a challenge to help students understand the Bible, let alone get them to open it?  They will often argue that the Bible is ancient and doesn’t deal with the things they deal with.  That, however, is because they have often missed the story it tells.  Students (or anyone for that matter) will say that it doesn’t make sense or it’s boring.  Again, they may have missed the story it is telling.

I have taught students for almost a decade now, all of which was in a student ministry setting up until this past year when I made the transition to teaching Bible at a Christian high school in Grand Rapids.  I teach Old and New Testament Survey for freshman, which means I get the privilege (and challenge) of teaching an overview of the entire Bible.  And the more and more I teach it this way, the more and I believe every person needs to hear the story this way.

The reason we get stuck or confused or bored when we read the Bible…the reason it appears most Bible reading plans run out of steam somewhere around Leviticus 13 (skin diseases – yes!)…the reason students don’t want to pick up the Bible, might just be that we don’t understand what to look for.  So as we venture to help students read the Scriptures seriously or even as we read it ourselves, consider a few simple thoughts.

The Bible is first and foremost God making himself known.  Many religions or teachings are built around the idea that god is someone or something that you must find, like a cosmic game of peek-a-boo.  But the story of the Bible is the story of a God who says, “Here I am.  I do not hide and I am not far off.  In fact, I am coming to where you are.”  God’s Story is, well, his story.  That means before we ask what God wants us to know about Moses or David or Paul, we must ask what God wants us to know about himself.

The Bible reveals the divine drama that is unfolding before our eyes.  It is a collection of stories that ultimately tell one big Story.   This is nothing original to me, but I teach the Scripture as God’s Story told in four acts: Creation, Fall, Redemption, and New Creation.  I won’t unpack each here, but teaching the big Story of the Bible reveals something essential and yet often missed – the Story is not over yet.  This leads to the next crucial idea:

We can be a part of God’s big Story.  Each one of us has the opportunity to take our individual story and bring it into God’s glorious Story.  We live in the wake of Christ’s great act of redemption and the explosion of the first church to the ends of the earth and we now await (with all of creation!) the glorious conclusion when Christ will come and set things right.  This is God’s Story, and he graciously and gently invites us in.  We get to be a part of a story that has not yet come to its conclusion, and yet the author has given us a glimpse of how the story will end (which looks remarkable similar to how the story began…).

In a world where kids are desperate for something compelling to give their lives meaning, I can’t think of anything more compelling.  With more distractions and shorter attentions spans than ever, I can’t think of anything more captivating.  This is the story we get to invite students into.

Now, go and tell the Story.

 

Matt Bell mattbellwords.com | Matt is a Bible teacher at NorthPointe Christian High School in Grand Rapids, MI.  He previously served as a student pastor at Ada Bible Church. He is a husband to Lyndsay, a father to Codyn, Laila, Jaben, & Violet.  Jesus is the pie pan to all of these delicious slices.

 

Image credited to On Being

 

Adoption Series Finale

A Ginormous thank you to everyone who read my series on adoption.  If you missed it, you can start here.    I have appreciated all the feedback and encouragement.  I thought this video would be a great way to cap the series.  Check it out.

If you think of it, please pray for me and my team.  We are leaving for Ukraine on Sunday morning.  It will be an emotionally difficult experience for me after all that has happened with our failed adoption.

When Injustice Gets Personal Part 4

I believe the Devil is real.  Why?  Because I have experienced evil.

After winning legal approval to adopt, I contacted the girl we hoped to adopt in order to find out if she in fact wanted to be adopted.  As I mentioned previously, I had already developed a relationship with her through 2 mission trips and almost daily communication through Facebook.

After convincing her that we were actually serious, she exploded with joy.  She was so excited about being adopted and moving to America.  She called us mom and dad and constantly asked about her soon to be brothers and sisters.  We put our house up for sale in order to get a bigger house that would accommodate a teenage daughter.  We made plans for her schooling.  We all got passports and made preliminary travel plans.  And then everything blew up.

One day, out of nowhere, our soon to be adopted daughter sent me a long and formal message explaining to me that she was very sorry but she no longer wanted to be adopted.  She said that she was Ukrainian and belonged in Ukraine.  And that was it.  We were shocked.  I tried over and over again to convince her that she was making a huge mistake but she would not budge.  Her writing style was so different that I was convinced it wasn’t even her.

Desperate for answers I contacted a Ukrainian friend who regularly visited the orphanage in which our prospective daughter lived.  Through her, I discovered what had happened.  The director of the orphanage had somehow talked her out of being adopted.

In that moment I remember how a girl from the same orphanage had told me that when she was 4 an American couple wanted to adopt her but her orphanage director had told her that the Americans would take her away, kill her and sell her organs.  Terrified, the little girl said no to the American couple and 13 years later she still lives in the orphanage.

I learned that over the last decade the director of the orphanage had not permitted a single adoption—not even to Ukrainian couples.  Why?  Money.  He receives money from the Ukrainian government based on how many children are in his school and how many of those children graduate.

Fury can’t adequately describe what I felt.  We tried every method possible to change her mind but she would not budge.  She would not even discuss it.  Then our adoption appointment with the Ukrainian government came and went.  Somehow, in spite of all that God had done to open the way for us we had failed.  We did not get our precious girl.  Now she is too old to adopt and she’ll soon be released from the orphan school to the streets.

What do you do with that?  I don’t have many clear answers.  The best I can offer is that now I have glimpsed the pain God feels when His children reject Him.  Evil clouded our orphan’s judgment and she rejected a family that would have provided her with love, protection and opportunity.  In the same way, evil clouds my judgment on a daily basis and I reject God’s best.  Out of one of the most painful experiences in my life, perhaps that is the lesson.  I’m not sure.

I take comfort in the reality that as much as my heart breaks for this orphan girl, the love I feel doesn’t even compare to God’s love for her.  I know that His heart breaks for her too.  I trust that He is present in her story and that He will never stop pursuing her.

Somehow in the failure and the pain God is present and He’s not finished.

To My Dad

My dad is a boss.  Seriously, when it comes to being a man, my dad wins.  What I’m trying to say is that my dad can beat up your dad.

Now that we have that out of the way, I wanted to share a few thoughts on what my dad has taught me about life and manhood.

1.       COMMITMENT

My parents sort of took the unconventional approach to 30+ years of wedded bliss.  Usually, couples who get pregnant in high school and are forced to marry don’t make it 3 years let alone 30.  When my mom got pregnant my dad dropped out of school and went to work for his hard driving grandfather in his water well drilling business.   Not only did my dad stay committed to my mom through those rocky years but he has stayed in that business for just as long.  Now he owns it.  My dad taught me to commit to what is important.  You don’t quit on a job, you don’t quit on your sports team, and you don’t quit on your marriage.  I told you he is a boss.

2.       DO IT RIGHT

Not only is my dad the hardest worker I know but he’s also the most accurate worker I know.  He’s a perfectionist who does something right the first time or he doesn’t even mess with it.  If he gets into a hobby you can expect him to be awesome at it in short order.  For example, he decided to make my mom garden boxes this year and although he’s never made one in his life, they look better than anything you could buy at Home Depot.

I couldn’t be more different from my dad in this way.  The first time around, I suck.  Always.  But, his perfectionism has shaped me.  My dad has always pushed me to be excellent and organized.   I sincerely believe that his influence has made me a better man.

3.       PASS ON YOUR PASSIONS

My dad is a man of passion.  He goes full-bore at whatever he attempts.  One of the great things about growing up in his family is that I got to tag along on his crazy adventures.  When he was into drag racing, we took our mullets to the race track.  drag racing

When he was into karate, he taught me how to spar.  When he was into hunting, he left me in the woods for a week.  OK, I didn’t love that.  But, he did introduce me to one of my life’s passions—beach volleyball.  He would take me along with him to the beach 3 times a week and even built a killer beach court in our backyard.  It was the 80s so it had hot pink poles and neon yellow court lines.  This is when I became popular.

Here’s a lesson for young fathers:  Whatever you’re into, just bring your kids along.  They just want to be with you and they might pick up a passion along the way.

4.       LIFE ISN’T ABOUT YOU

My dad has always been great about serving.  When I was in high school, he was hands down the best volunteer youth group leader ever.  He was that guy that all the students loved.

When it comes to money, my dad is generous.  He taught me from a young age that you give back to the church and live within your means.

My dad has also become a legendary well driller.  He’s truly a master of his field.  You’d never know it though.  He’s quiet and unassuming.  If I were him, I’d start a blog about well drilling and constantly talk about how awesome I am.  But that’s not him.

Instead of making a big deal about himself he serves.  Instead of taking his talents to south beach, he takes them to Africa and quietly resources Nigerian well drillers.  He equips and resources Nigerian well drillers to do great work and lets them have the spotlight.  You can check out this ministry here.

In short, my dad is an amazing man.  He’s taught me so much that I’ll still be sorting out how he’s shaped and influenced me for years to come.  Happy Father’s Day Dad!

Genius Ideas

90% of my ideas are terrible.  No, for real.  They’re really bad.  What sucks is that I’m full of ideas.  I’m constantly dreaming up how to tweak or completely transform our approach to student ministry.  I generate so many bad ideas that my team often just tunes me out.  I get the courtesy, “That sounds cool” with a plastic smile.  Currently I’m doing my best to convince our team that what we need is a ginormous student building with 5 attached houses.  I’m telling you it’s the future—for so many reasons.  Someday when every church has a student building with 5 attached houses and our church missed the boat everyone will realize how innovative I am and promote me.

Here’s the thing about my ideas.  While 90% of them are terrible and following them they could lead to immediate dismissal, the loss of thousands of dollars and probable hospitalization, 10% of them are genius.  10% of my ideas could potentially change the world.  The trouble is that I can’t predict which ideas are in the 90% and which ideas are in the 10%.  You really don’t want to guess wrong because great ideas invent the Internet and bad ideas take you to a Nickleback concert.

My guess is that whether you realize it or not, you also have more bad than good ideas.  The thing is, if we could better discern the quality of our ideas we’d save ourselves and our teams a lot of grief.  Nothing is more demoralizing than when the team is chasing down an idea that everyone knows is a dead end.

The good news is that somewhere along the line I stopped implementing all of my bad ideas.  When?  What was the big moment?  It wasn’t a big moment but it was when my ideas were forced into community.  When my ideas are stuck spinning within my own head almost all of them sound fabulous.  However, when having to verbally explain and defend my ideas, 90% of them are revealed for what they are.  Dumb.  I know you’ve been there, when you realize that the words coming out of your mouth are exceeding illogical and you wish you never started talking in the first place—humbling.

Within the context of community (that is well intentioned debate over the validity of ideas) my 90% was revealed to be what they were and my life and ministry was protected from stupidity.  The unforeseen byproduct of submitting my ideas to community is that my good ideas were refined and became significantly more awesome.  “I like this idea that you call the Internets.  But what if we could connect our gaming systems and play each other?  And what if you took the “s” off it and just called it the Internet?”  GENUIS!  You might say that in the context of community my 10% became 90% better.  If you’re not strong at math I probably lost you right there.  I think I lost myself.

The point is, when you have the humility to submit your ideas to your community before implementing them you will uncover the fact that most of your ideas are terrible but a few of them are genius.  Failure is not the best way to learn.  Realizing that an idea is a failure before failing is a cleaner and less destructive way to learn.  The moral of the story is this:  if you don’t have an ideas community, get one!  Honest community will save you from your terrible ideas and help reveal and refine your great ones.