There aren’t a whole lot of quality men out there. When I think about the kind of man I want my daughters to marry, I don’t see many of them. Men of character are an endangered species.
With all that said, I want to raise great sons and I want the boys in my student ministry to become great men. I want them to become strong men of faith who know who they are and what their purpose is in life. I want them to become faithful and loving husbands and fathers. In a culture that is currently producing so many low quality men, how do we do this? How exactly do you raise and mentor boys like that? I have a few thoughts…
SELF-RESPECT
A quality man must have a strong sense of self-respect. Why? Because every man’s deepest longing is for respect—for the people around him to be proud of him. If he doesn’t possess an understanding of himself that leads him to believe that he is respectable and worth being proud of, he will struggle through life. So, as parents, youth workers or even friends, how do we build the self-respect of boys and young men?
1. Does He Understand Where His Value Comes From?
Men naturally believe that their value flows from what they can do. We were created to work—to build, create, fix and accomplish but because of sin we have developed an unhealthy assumption that what we do wholly determines our worth.
Boys need to understand that their value comes from the fact that God loves them not from what they can do. We must repeatedly and carefully reinforce this truth.
2. Does He Know that you are Proud of Him?
The central need of a man is for respect. In order to develop healthy future relationships, boys must develop a strong sense of self-respect. As a parent you will deeply influence this process by the way that you talk to your son. Does he know that you are proud of him? Does he hear it on a regular basis?
Based on the way you talk about the boys under your influence, they will develop the belief that they either can or can’t in the world. Boys who are not praised regularly or who are criticized relentlessly will have an incredibly hard time developing strong relationships as they grow older.
Life is hard and will at times leave a boy reeling. Gift the boys in your life with an irreversible belief that he IS respectable.
3. Does He Know What it means to be Respectable?
So, what exactly does it mean to be respectable? Our culture is severely confused about this. Popular TV, music and video games teach that respect comes from power and intimidation. Because of this, guys spend an inordinate amount of time building muscles, athletic expertise and overall toughness. No one is talking about honor, wisdom, moral strength or work ethic.
True respectability comes from humble strength. It comes from living rightly and serving the people around us—not dominating them. A respectable man draws the best out of people by empowering them. This is especially true in a good marriage.
We must show our boys what real respectability is all about. As a father, how do you treat the women in your life? Are you empowering them through humble service? As a mother, how do you talk about your husband or other men in your life?
How you handle conflict will also teach boys about respectability. Do you demand what you want through intimidation and guilt? If so, this is what he will learn. How you conduct yourselves during conflict will teach him how people ought to be treated when it really matters.
The foundation of a man’s identity is his sense of self-respect. You can help the boys in your life develop healthy self-respect by showing them why they are valuable, that you are proud of them, and what respectability is all about.
I’ll continue this topic tomorrow by sharing some ideas on how to build character in boys.
