Dating without establishing boundaries is something like driving on icy mountain roads without guardrails. It’s dangerous and rather dumb. Most people who find themselves beyond their boundaries realize their mistake far too late because they never verbalized them in the first place.
This week I am blogging about dating—specifically, how to win at dating. One of the smartest things you can do to win at dating is to establish and maintain boundaries in three different areas.
EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES
When it comes to boundaries, people typically talk about sex. However, sex is not the only boundary worth talking about. In fact, for girls in particular, crossing emotional boundaries can be just as painful as physical ones.
Women, I’ve discovered, are incredibly emotional creatures. I’m convinced that girls experience emotions that I don’t even know about. I only have 4 emotions—mad, love, happy and hungry. Is hungry an emotion? Nevermind.
Anyway, there are words and phrases that can send a girl’s heart into orbit. Some guys know exactly what these words and phrases are and use them to get what they want. In other cases it can be the exact opposite. Some of us are just wired to emotionally respond in powerful ways.
The key, in dating, is to understand how we are wired and to place boundaries around emotional connectedness. Be careful how you use the “L” word. Be careful about making promises that you aren’t sure you can keep. You may be playing around and the person you are dating might be dead serious.
The best approach is to be honest with each other about your expectations before things get emotionally heated.
SEXUAL BOUNDARIES
If you’re a follower of Jesus, then there should be boundaries around your sexuality. I happen to believe that God designed sex for marriage and any experience of sex outside of God’s design will burn you and the person you are with.
If your desire is to save your sexuality for your future spouse then you have to be clear about this with the person you are dating. Most followers of Jesus who have premarital sex do so accidentally. They never verbalized their boundaries. If you don’t tell the person you are dating that you don’t want to have sex, chances are he doesn’t know.
One of the smartest things you can do is to clearly state your boundaries in the early stages of a dating relationship. If the person you are dating doesn’t respect your boundaries and pushes you to jump the fence then dump him because if he doesn’t respect your boundaries now, he probably never will.
RESPECT BOUNDARIES
Speaking of respect, one of the boundaries that Christians often neglect is just that…respect. It is heartbreaking to watch what some people put up with. If she constantly degrades you and beats you down verbally, ditch her! Don’t you realize how valuable you are? If he threatens you in any way, dump him! Don’t you know that you are a treasured daughter of the King? You are already loved more than you can imagine.
The danger in tolerating bad treatment is that it starts to mess with you mind. You begin to believe that you aren’t valuable and that you deserve to be treated like you are worthless. Do not buy into this lie.
You deserve to be treated with respect. You are created in the image of God. You are valuable enough to God that He sacrificed His own Son to rescue you. You need to respect yourself by demanding that the person you are dating treats you with kindness and dignity.
image credited to Arthur van Beveren
