Most people seem to think that someday they’ll end up happily married. However, when you look around the neighborhood and think about divorce statistics, it seems that most people aren’t exactly happy in marriage. If anything, most people are begrudgingly married or formerly married–or in some cases, both. That doesn’t sound fun at all.
I happen to think that the way you date has a lot to do with how happily you’ll be married. If you are smart at dating, you’ll likely be smart at marriage. Let’s be honest, marriage isn’t rocket science. The trouble is the habits and baggage that you bring into marriage—and there’s that whole thing of that other person and all the habits and baggage they bring into the game.
This week, I’ve been blogging about how to win at dating–self image and boundaries. I want to end this series by talking about the end result of dating. Specifically, how do you marry the right person?
ACCIDENTALLY IN LOVE
I love the lyric of the Counting Crows song from Shrek, “We’re accidentally in love.” That’s exactly how falling in love works. It’s an accident. No one can plan it.
The first thing about finding the right person that you need to understand is that it will likely start with accidentally falling in love. Unless of course you’re some sort of all-star who has loved the same girl since Kindergarten and always known that she is the one. If that’s you, go ahead and stop reading.
GOOD FRIENDS
For the rest of us, you will most likely accidentally fall in love with someone that you are friends with. In my experience, love at first sight is pretty rare. It’s far more likely that you’ll realize one day that Jane, who you’ve been hanging out with for a few months, is very attractive and fun. “Wait a second, I’m falling for Jane!” Love usually requires a little time and proximity to develop. Also, friendships provide time and space for observing a person’s true character.
Because of this, it’s important to hang out with good people. Why? Because you might end up married to one of them. Life is a path. Where you end up is directly related to the everyday decisions you make. Choose your friends wisely.
I previously wrote about this concept here. The idea is this: if you want good coffee, don’t go to Denny’s
THE EVOLUTION OF DATING
As I’ve mentioned before, many people are so desperate for attention and affection that they make terrible decisions about who to date. Here’s the thing: dating relationships evolve. They usually begin as fairly casual and fun and then over time they sometimes develop into something more—like a wedding.
Let me explain it this way: I had 5 serious dating relationships in high school and college. One of these dating relationships (by far the best one…if my wife is reading!) ended in marriage. In an odd way, that means that each relationship stood a 20% chance of ending in marriage. That is a little scary.
I bring this up to say that each serious dating relationship that you end up in has a decent chance of ending in marriage. So, who you choose to date is very important. If you don’t want to end up married to a guy who . Don’t date a guy who . Feel free to insert whatever deplorable thing you can’t stand in the blank.
It amazes me when people date someone they say they would never marry because they could very likely end up married to that person. My advice, only date people who you think are marriage material. It’s a better and safer approach to dating.
image credited to Nathalie Orengo
