Dating is fun. Except when it’s not—like when your heart gets broken or when you find yourself 6 months into a relationship you never really wanted or when you’ve crossed a line you never wanted to cross and now you’re full of regret.
So, how do you win at dating? How do you survive without scars and how do you end up happily married? Isn’t that what dating is for anyway? I have a few ideas.
I’M A KEEPER
I have a confession to make. Sometimes, I listen to country music. Gasp! I know. Sorry. Anyway, in the rare moments that I listen to country music (like once a year, I swear!), I sometimes listen to The Band Perry. They have a funny song called, “I’m a Keeper” in which Kimberly Perry goes on and on about how she is a keeper—she’s worth the effort.
Sadly, I don’t think many people who are dating actually believe that they are a keeper. I believe that this is crucial component to winning at dating. If you don’t think that you’re valuable then you’ll be willing to accept being treated in unloving and sometimes even abusive ways. Sadly, this is an easy trap for girls to fall into—especially if you’ve had relational issues with your dad or have been mistreated by guys in the past.
I would implore you, if you are struggling in the realm of self-image and value, take some time and build your identity. Uncover what makes you valuable. Here is a foundation to start from:
- God created you. He made you exactly how you are on purpose. The Bible describes the way He made you as “knitting you together.” You aren’t an accident. You aren’t a product of chance. In fact, God considers you a prized piece of artwork.
- God has been pursuing you since before you were born. His ambition is to know and be known by you. The Gospel is all about giving Himself to you. You are precious to Him.
- Jesus valued you enough to sacrifice Himself to restore you to Him. There is no greater expression of love.
God considers you “a keeper.” Start thinking of yourself as one. If you’d like to read more about what makes you valuable check this out:
WOULD YOU MARRY YOU?
Maybe your struggle is not with self-image. Maybe your struggle is that you know you aren’t a keeper because of how you have treated people in the past. One of the best sermons on dating I’ve ever heard was delivered by my friend Brady Nemmers. His central question was, “Are you the person that the person you’re looking for is looking for?” This is an incredibly awkward question but would you marry yourself? I mean seriously, think about your qualities and weaknesses. Would you want to end up with you?
One of the smartest things you can do to ensure that you win at dating is grow yourself. If your character is weak, work on it—set up boundaries. If you need to become financially independent, work hard and live frugally. If you need to grow your faith, join a small group and attend start pursuing God on your own.
If you know that you struggle in some of these areas find a mentor, go see a counselor, or read a book. Become the person that the person you are looking for is looking for.
