Parenting Through Social Media

I ran across a very interesting study last week about parents and social media.  The gist of the study is that “teenagers who are connected to their parents on social media feel closer to their parents in real life.”

This makes sense to me because whether we like it or not and whether we think it is good or not, students value social media connections.  They not only value them but actually find real meaning in them. Parents ought to take advantage of this and jump into social media.  Unfortunately, according to the study, only 16% of parents are interacting with their kids through social media on a daily basis.  As parents, we are missing a huge opportunity here!

Secondly, I am continually shocked by parents who do not know what their kids are doing online.  I’m not a isolationist by any means but the Internet can be a dangerous place and the decisions that students make on what to post can stick with them forever.

Also, why in the world do we let our children into social arenas in which children and adults mix regularly–in which normal people and creeptastic people regularly mix, without keeping an eye on them?  At the risk of offending parents…GET ONLINE AND OBSERVE YOUR KIDS!

So, now that I’ve yelled at you…I bet you’re wondering what social media apps you should get involved with.  Well, I’m glad you asked.  Here are (in my opinion) the most popular social media apps with teens…

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1. Snap Chat:  This is one of the only social media sites that scares me.  Kids taking pictures and videos of themselves and send them to friends.  The trick is that the pictures delete after only a few seconds leaving no trace of the images.  A recipe for awesomeness…nope.  I would recommend at least a conversation with your child about this app.  I know quite a few parents who have banned this app.  The worst thing about it is that you can’t monitor it.

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2. Teens love Twitter.  One of the reasons is that most parents aren’t on it.  I personally use Twitter constantly.  You’ll be dismayed by the stream-of-consciousness style of communication that teens often use but it will help you connect with your kid and you’ll learn a lot about the way he and his friends process life.

 

 

 

 

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3. Instagram is fantastic.  It’s all about sharing photos and videos.  There are simple editing tools that make you look like a photography pro.  You can also share photos on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook all at once.  One of the great features of Instagram, Vine, Facebook and others is that you can “like” your kid’s posts or pictures without making an obnoxious comment that embarrasses her.  “Liking” is an easy way to show support, approval or simply that you’re paying attention without being intrusive.

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4. This app is very much like Instagram except exclusively video.  Before Instagram added video it was the video app of choice for students.  It may fall out of favor but for now many teens are still on it.

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5. Many teens shy away from using Facebook for anything other than pictures because Facebook is so huge.  And, most parents are already on Facebook so students go to other social media outlets to hide.  If you aren’t on Facebook or are but aren’t friends with your kid you need to get on!

 

So if you’re a parents, get involved with social media.  Leverage social media to help you invest in your kids’ lives.  If you do, according to the study I read, it may actually deepen your relationships with your children.

 

Real Talk About Pornography

Today is the last piece of my 3 part series on “what guys need to understand about sex.”  Today’s topic is pornography.  Porn is like a drug and it can destroy us.

If you are a parent, please read this.  It may help you understand what is going on in your child’s head.  If you are guy…you definitely need to read this.  Here’s an excerpt from the article:

Because we as guys are designed by God to be fascinated with the female body and because we, especially as young men have a powerful sex drive, pornography is incredibly dangerous.  Research shows that 50% of us are addicted to pornography.  That is how porn works.  It is highly addictive, and like other drugs, gateway porn leads to harder and harder porn.

I’ve talked with many guys who accidentally stumbled upon porn and within a few years they were compulsively viewing harder and harder pornography several times a day, engaging in sexting and eventually acting out their fantasies.

Understand this:  pornography is not controllable.  It cannot stay compartmentalized.  It leaks into the other areas of your life.  It is like a campfire that jumps its barriers and becomes a raging forest fire.  Pornography has the power to destroy you and the relationships that you care about the most.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the rest of the article.  Click here to read it.

 

If you are struggling with porn, here is one of the best resources I’ve ever seen:  xxxchurch.com

Concerned about your son or daughter?  Click here for great resources and idea.

What Every Guy is Desperate For

Hey everyone,

This week I am guest posting for The Youth Culture Report about what guys need to know about sexuality.  Today’s post is on what every guy is desperate for.  If you get this thing right you can set a boy on the path to self-confidence, inspire a man forward or save your marriage.  Here’s an excerpt of my article:

As guys, we want our lives to matter.  We want to be significant.  And, this is the way we approach relationships.  When it comes to a relationship, we want respect. 

What is respect?  We want the woman we love to be proud of us.  We want to be considered worthy of her loyalty and love.  It’s really that simple.  If you think about it, that’s all we want out of life.  We wanted our dads to be proud of us.  We wanted our teachers and coaches to be proud of us and we want our girlfriends and wives to be proud of us.

If you are a woman, understand this:  If you show your man that you respect him on a regular basis, it will revolutionize your relationship.  All men have a little boy inside of them that just wants someone to be proud of them.  Most of what we do is designed to make you proud.  As childish as it sounds, the more you think of us like a little boy who needs a pat on the head and a proud smile, the better.  Praise us, make a big deal about the things we do and we will put on that little boy grin and love you with fierce loyalty. 

I’d love your feedback on the rest of the article.  You can read it here:

3 Things Guys Must Understand About Sex

A few weeks ago I wrote 4 pieces on what girls need to know about sex.  Since then many people have asked me to write the same stuff for guys.  So I did.  I wrote 3 posts for The Youth Culture Report Blog.  I think they’ll be helpful if you are a parent of a guy, have guys in your student ministry, are a guy, know a guy or have heard about guys.  Here’s an excerpt:

God invented sex.  No, for real.  At some point God called his angels around and said, “I just had an idea.  A really good idea.  No Gabriel, way better than volcanos.”  OK, I know that’s not how God actually works, but God did invent sex.  It was His idea and it was an awesome idea—probably the awesomest idea ever. 

Check out the rest of the post:  3 Things Guys Must Know About Sexuality

 

If you’re interested in the 4 posts on talking to girls about sex, you can find them here:

3 Things Girls Must Know About Sexuality

3 Things Girls Must Know About Sexuality Part 2

3 Things Girls Must Know About Sexuality Part 3

4 Traps That Will Derail a Girl’s Dreams