I read in a book one time that sex starts in the kitchen. Umm…what? Personally, I believe that real sex–meaningful sex the way it was designed to be experienced–begins long before a look or a kiss or anything like that. Let me explain.
I think healthy and meaningful sexuality begins with looking in the mirror. It starts with being satisfied with who you are. Am I comfortable with who is looking back at me? Too many people use sex as a way to feel good about themselves.
“He wants me. That must mean I am valuable.”
“She is willing to give herself to me. That must mean I am worthy. “
Sex will never be meaningful if we aren’t at peace with who we are. It begins with understanding our identity in Christ. As beloved creatures of the creator, we have already been declared to be beautiful and good. As redeemed sons and daughters we have already been told that we are loved and valuable.
Sex could never make you more valuable or loved than you already are. Sex was not meant to make us feel these things. Using sex as a tool to feel better about yourself is dangerous and ultimately pointless. Misusing sex actually makes you feel worse about yourself.
Real sex begins by looking in the mirror and understanding who you are in Jesus—not only understanding but becoming comfortable and at peace with your declared value and worth. Only from this place can you experience sex as it was meant to be experienced.
God designed sex. Whoa…that’s a weird thought. But, it’s a true. Sinful humans didn’t invent sex. Sex isn’t dirty or gross. It’s good and beautiful. In fact, sex is beautiful because it was God who invented it and gave it to us as a gift.
With all that said, sex is also incredibly dangerous because God designed it for a specific context. According to the biblical account, sex is for marriage and nowhere else. And, the biblical writers gave us a bazillion warnings about misusing sex.
Why? Because God designed sex as a way to forever cement two people together. Sex literally and symbolically unites two people—physically, emotionally and spiritually. There is no going back on the union either. “Just kidding” or “oops” doesn’t do anything to erase the connection.
I have also seen evidence of this reality in the people around me. I have never met anyone who is actually happy about having sex before they were married. All I’ve ever seen and heard is massive regret.
I’ve seen many marriages struggle and end in divorce because of sexual baggage. I’ve talked to guys who are terrified to tell the girl they intend to marry about their sexual past. I’ve talked with people who can’t stop comparing their spouse with previous sexual partners.
Real sex begins with a fence. We need boundaries. Why? Because God designed sex for marriage and when we use it in any other way we invite pain, regret and brokenness. It isn’t that God is trying to rob us of fun. It’s that He wants us to experience life, meaning and joy.
Real sex starts with a mirror and a fence.
Image Credited to susivnh