Last night we kicked off a teaching series on sexuality. We’re calling it, “The Awkward” series because talking about sex with students is, well, awkward.
While I was landing my teaching last night, I experienced one of the highlights of my ministry year. I began bringing my talk to a close by encouraging our students to think about their boundaries. Specifically, I challenged them to verbalize their boundaries. “Look, if you don’t tell him what your boundaries are, don’t blame him for crossing them!”
After this section, I turned my attention toward those in the room, students and small group leaders alike, who had boundaries. Sadly, I think that is most of us. The sexual tension created by our over-sexualized culture along with the extension of adolescence that most emerging adults experience, the task of perfect purity before marriage is practically impossible. At the very least, I am realizing, we need to adjust our language. We are often guilty of creating an unrealistic expectation for our students–an expectation, that when broken leads to unspeakable shame.
And so, I said to our students, “Many of you here tonight had boundaries. At some point, maybe a few years ago, maybe last week, you found yourself in a situation and, well, you crossed some lines. What do you do now? Do you just throw in the towel? ‘Well, I guess it’s too late for me. I guess it doesn’t matter what I do.’ Is it too late for you? Are you ruined? I want to remind you that in the Gospel stories, every time Jesus encountered a person who had failed morally He responded with love and grace. I’m not talking about little mistakes either. He responded with kindness and grace to prostitutes and other people who had made a complete mess of their lives. He never responded with guilt or anger. Please understand that God loves you deeply. He’s not angry. He’s calling you back to Him and back to boundaries. It is never to late to begin again. It’s never too late to begin following God’s design again.”
As I spoke these words, I saw one of our girls in the audience burst into tears. They weren’t tears of shame, they were tears of gratitude. It was almost as if she had been waiting for someone to tell her that she was still OK, that she wasn’t ruined and that she had a future–that there was hope. How long had she been carrying that weight of shame? In that moment, I almost couldn’t continue. I recognized the power of God’s grace intersecting with human brokenness. It was a beautiful moment and I realized again, how important student ministry is.
Here’s my question: How many of our students are waiting for someone to tell them that God still loves them, that they still have a future, that there is grace? When we talk to student about sexuality, let’s balance expectations with grace. Too often we talk about boundaries like they are a cliff. If you cross them, well, then it’s all over. You’ve lost everything. I understand the deep consequences that come with sexual sin but we have to understand our audience. Because of the prevalence of pornography and the intense pressure placed on our students, they will make mistakes. We must realize that many of our students have already made mistakes and are already living with profound shame. Let’s change our language and let’s walk with them through their mistakes and missteps. Let’s speak the powerful words of God’s grace.
