Tag: burnout

Recently, I spoke at a gathering of student ministry pastors and volunteers about what really matters in student ministry.  The thing is, nobody likes a “know it all”, so instead of talking from a pedestal of expertise or success, I talked about the top 10 dumbest things I’ve done in student ministry.  Let’s be real, people would rather hear fail stories than success stories.  Also, using your mistakes as a platform to talk about what really matters is a brilliant strategy.  Just admit it.

Anyway, I began with this idea:  What we do, as student ministry pastors and volunteers, is far too important for us to become burned out, ineffective, or disqualified.  Students deeply need good student ministries that connect them to Jesus and meaningful relationships with spiritual mentors.  We can’t screw this up!

So, thought I’d spend a few days sharing all the dumb things I’ve done.  Who’s pumped?!?!

Burned Out

10. You’re Not a Rock Star

Being a student pastor is a little like being a rock star.  Sure the stage is small and the audience’s brains are still developing, but being a rock star, even a small one, is exhilarating!  In fact, I’d go as far as to say that it’s intoxicating.

For me, my first student ministry role very quickly became the Aaron show.  It was all about me–my singing, my speaking, my events, my wisdom–me, me, me.  In a shocking twist, this wasn’t good for anyone, particularly me.  For one thing, I began to gauge my success in ministry based on claps and compliments.  Did they love my worship set?  Did they tell me afterward how amazing my talk was?  Was this the best event they’d ever been too?  If these things didn’t happen, then I would feel like I bombed.  And, if they did happen, then I felt like a rock star.  I’m telling you, this quickly led me to a bad place.

Now, I may sound like a horrible person to you right now, but this is a very real thing, especially for those of us who are natural entertainers or performers.  We don’t need any more examples of egotistical pastors falling from grace in American churches!  One common theme among all these fallen pastors is that they became rock stars.

What gets lost in the pastor as rock star phenomenon is Jesus.  Wait, isn’t this whole thing supposed to be about Him?  Well, yes, of course, but I found myself in a place where I was more interested in students falling in love with me than with students falling in love with Jesus.  I would have never verbalized this, but looking back, I know that it was true.

I know that some of you, who are serving in or leading student ministries, know exactly what I’m talking about.  The danger in all of this is that students would miss Jesus.  As good as it feels to be needed and esteemed, we need to be very careful here  What’s the solution?  Well, in my opinion, it’s community.  Invite your community into this conversation.  Give them the freedom to tell you if you are slipping into rock star mode.  Also, lead in community.  Invite others to serve in the rock star roles.  Don’t be the worship leader, teacher and game leader, and host.  Give a few of these roles to someone else.  Share the spotlight.  In doing so, you’ll take the focus off yourself an help put it back on what students really need, Jesus.  Besides, being a rock star, when you’re supposed to be a servant, does bad things to your soul.  Trust me on this one.

 

photo credited to Lloyd Dewolf via Flickr

Tuesday night is my free evening.  My wife attends a bible study and after I put the kids to bed I can do whatever I want.  It’s a beautiful thing.  It’s a perfect opportunity to write, relax and recharge.  But tonight, I’m eating Cool Whip right out of the tub and playing a video game that isn’t that great.  The Cool Whip isn’t even thawed.  I just pulled it out of the freezer and started eating it.  It tastes good, like a cloud of sugar–one of those big fluffy clouds that patrol the sky on hot summer days.

It strikes me, as I sit here, mindlessly eating frozen Cool Whip, that I am, in fact, eating frozen Cool Whip.  What am I doing?  Then I realize that my shoulder hurts because I’ve been sitting in an awkward position eating Cool Whip and playing a lame video game for hours.  Yes, I’m embarrassed to say, hours.  Why am I spending my free evening so mindlessly?  This is what strikes me as I sit with an aching shoulder and a developing stomach ache.  I’d like a redo on my Tuesday night.

I’m tired.  It’s April and our student ministry team has been steadily pouring ourselves out all year long.  It’s been leading, writing, filming, counseling, editing, teaching, leading worship, traveling, mentoring, trouble-shooting, serving, setting up, tearing down, staying up late, getting up early, navigating crises, training, calming down parents, prodding parents, meeting deadlines, reviewing, confronting, encouraging, intervening, worrying, producing, acting, and managing on repeat since late last summer.  I’m tired–very tired.  When I look around our office during our team meetings I can see the weariness in all of our faces.  It’s been a great season of ministry but we are all coasting to the finish line like cars running on fumes, praying we make it to the gas station at the next exit.  Will we make it?  I think so.  I hope so.

My suspicion is that I’m not alone.  We’re all tired.  If you are a youth worker, you are exhausted.  Maybe you thought it was just you.  You aren’t alone.

I remember, early in my career, at the end of a season like this, thinking that maybe I wasn’t cut out for student ministry.  Maybe the profound exhaustion I feel is an indicator that this line of work isn’t for me.  Maybe you feel that way.  Maybe you don’t like people right now.  Maybe you feel like hiding.  Maybe all you can think about is summer with less programming and more sand and sun.  Maybe you ate Cool Whip out of the tub last night.  This doesn’t mean you aren’t cut out for student ministry.  It simply means that you’re tired.

The danger here is that tired doesn’t fix itself.  Tired people become exhausted people.  Exhausted people burnout.  Youth workers who are called, gifted and wired for student ministry run out of steam and drop out of the game all the time.  I’m realizing that when I catch myself eating Cool Whip out of the tub it’s time for a day off.  It’s time to delegate a responsibility, cancel a meeting or schedule something that I love.  That’s why I’m going to quit early tomorrow night and play beach volleyball with a few friends.

Are you tired?  Been eating Cool Whip?  Please take a step back and rest.  Go do something you love and recharge your batteries.  Your students need you–fully energized and engaged.  You were called, gifted and wired to do this.  Stay in the game.

 

 

Fresh out of college, I scored a killer job as a high school youth pastor at a church of 1,500.  I went hard.  I built an impressive senior high ministry.  Nearly everyone in the church was happy with my work.  And yet, five years later I was completely done.  Toast.  Burnt out.  How did I do it?  It really only took three mistakes…

THE ME SHOW

My church hired me to do ministry, so that’s what I did.  I led worship, taught twice a week, counseled students, organized and led trips, events, and retreats and even kept the budget.  Along the way, I discovered that I’m pretty good at most of these skills.  Partly because it was the expectation of the church and partly because I’m a control freak, I continued to personally do everything for years.

I’m convinced that my biggest mistake was not empowering others to do the work of ministry.  I was terrible at developing and equipping volunteers.  My unwillingness to empower others for meaningful roles directly led to my burnout.

KEEPING BUSY

I came into ministry thinking that a full schedule of programs, events and trips was a sign of a healthy ministry.  I now believe the opposite.  My first student ministry consisted of three weekly programs, events twice a month, 2 retreats and 3 mission trips per year.  Maybe this would have been OK if I had delegated the leadership of a few of these elements to someone else…but I didn’t.  I planned, organized and led all of these things myself for 5 years.

Looking back I can’t believe I survived as long as I did.  I also can’t believe that someone didn’t pull me aside and say, “Slow down buckaroo!”  Either way, I kept an insane schedule for 5 years and then crashed.  I’ve learned that sustainability is a key concept for longevity.

KEEP IT INSIDE

I am convinced that many youth pastors burnout and become bitter because they mishandle conflict.

There have been times in my career in which I encountered conflict—not a shocker.  But here was my problem:    Instead of going directly to the people that I had issues with, I took my frustrations to my “bitter bubble”.  You know what I’m talking about—that safe place where you back up the dump truck of resentment and let it fly.

I felt like I was protecting work relationships and doing my church a favor by not introducing conflict but truthfully I was doing them and myself a huge disservice.

Conflict, when handled with maturity is always good.  It sharpens vision and actually builds trust and confidence.  Confrontation, handled well, is a gift that provides us with the opportunity to evaluate and grow.

Because I was afraid to handle conflict with confidence and maturity I became bitter—this is what happens in the bitter bubble.  Over time, this led to insurmountable misunderstanding and resentment that never should have existed in the first place.

IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL

So, if you want to stay in ministry for a good long while, I have 3 tips:

1. Empower and delegate
2. Stick to a sustainable schedule
3. Be honest with your frustrations—do not participate in a bitter bubble!