Fresh out of college, I scored a killer job as a high school youth pastor at a church of 1,500. I went hard. I built an impressive senior high ministry. Nearly everyone in the church was happy with my work. And yet, five years later I was completely done. Toast. Burnt out. How did I do it? It really only took three mistakes…
THE ME SHOW
My church hired me to do ministry, so that’s what I did. I led worship, taught twice a week, counseled students, organized and led trips, events, and retreats and even kept the budget. Along the way, I discovered that I’m pretty good at most of these skills. Partly because it was the expectation of the church and partly because I’m a control freak, I continued to personally do everything for years.
I’m convinced that my biggest mistake was not empowering others to do the work of ministry. I was terrible at developing and equipping volunteers. My unwillingness to empower others for meaningful roles directly led to my burnout.
KEEPING BUSY
I came into ministry thinking that a full schedule of programs, events and trips was a sign of a healthy ministry. I now believe the opposite. My first student ministry consisted of three weekly programs, events twice a month, 2 retreats and 3 mission trips per year. Maybe this would have been OK if I had delegated the leadership of a few of these elements to someone else…but I didn’t. I planned, organized and led all of these things myself for 5 years.
Looking back I can’t believe I survived as long as I did. I also can’t believe that someone didn’t pull me aside and say, “Slow down buckaroo!” Either way, I kept an insane schedule for 5 years and then crashed. I’ve learned that sustainability is a key concept for longevity.
KEEP IT INSIDE
I am convinced that many youth pastors burnout and become bitter because they mishandle conflict.
There have been times in my career in which I encountered conflict—not a shocker. But here was my problem: Instead of going directly to the people that I had issues with, I took my frustrations to my “bitter bubble”. You know what I’m talking about—that safe place where you back up the dump truck of resentment and let it fly.
I felt like I was protecting work relationships and doing my church a favor by not introducing conflict but truthfully I was doing them and myself a huge disservice.
Conflict, when handled with maturity is always good. It sharpens vision and actually builds trust and confidence. Confrontation, handled well, is a gift that provides us with the opportunity to evaluate and grow.
Because I was afraid to handle conflict with confidence and maturity I became bitter—this is what happens in the bitter bubble. Over time, this led to insurmountable misunderstanding and resentment that never should have existed in the first place.
IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL
So, if you want to stay in ministry for a good long while, I have 3 tips:
- Empower and delegate
- Stick to a sustainable schedule
- Be honest with your frustrations—do not participate in a bitter bubble!
