Category: small groups

Don’t Be a Radagast

Sometimes it’s the details that matter.  There’s this little detail in the 2nd chapter of Genesis that reveals an important reality about being human.  In the 1st chapter, God repeats over and over, after every day of creation, that what He has made is good.  Everything is perfect and wonderful.  And then, in the next chapter we hear about something being not good.

You see, Adam had just finished naming all of the animals.  Based on how many species of animals exist, or did exist, this probably took an incredibly long time.  I love what the writer of Genesis says about this process:

“But for Adam no suitable helper was found.”

Either Adam was trying to hang out with the hippos or he noticed that every other species had a female counterpart while he was alone.  He spent a really long day or perhaps 100 years expecting to find a girl hiding behind the next tree.

Whatever the case, God made a declaration:

“It’s not good for the man to be alone.”

This has nothing to do with sin either because that comes in the next chapter.  It has to do with community.

The author of Genesis tells us that humans are created in God’s image.  This means that we reflect his nature.  God exists in relationship—Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  Community is at the heart of God’s nature and therefore at the heart of what it means to be human.

We need each other.  There is something core to the nature of humanity that requires deep relationships.  When we try to go solo, we go against the nature of how things are—against the created order.

You will never be what you ought to be without community.  There is a very real sense in which ignoring this basic human will make you weird.

I love the Lord of the Rings trilogy.   The characters are incredibly fascinating.  There is a very odd character in newest Hobbit movie called Radagast the Brown.  He’s straight weird.  He travels by a rabbit pulled sleigh.  He talks to birds and dresses worse than Lady Gaga.

He’s weird because he’s been living alone in the woods for years.  He’s a hermit.  He’s ignored the pull of community and he’s ended up weird.

Don’t end up weird.  I mean that in the nicest way possible.  But there is a serious point here, you were created for relationships.  You’ll never be the person God intends for you to be if you try to go solo.  You were created in God’s image and God exists in perfect community.

If you want to grow this year, if you want to become the person God created you to be, you need to let people into your life.  You need to be honest.  You need accountability, laughter, sympathy, conflict and everything else that comes with authentic relationships.  Without these things…you’ll be a Radagast.

 

image from The Hobbit

Volunteer Pep Talk | Growth

It’s Wednesday night and you’re attempting to lead your small group.  As you look around, two small groups are deep in prayer and one is passing out tissues because Sally is pouring her heart out.  You’re startled back to reality by a flash across your field of vision as Billy catapults himself off the top of a nearby couch and drops a well placed elbow into Johnny’s lower back.  Yes, this is your small group.  While the groups around you are engaging in community and discipleship, your group is engaged in a WWE cage match…again, just like they do every week.  And you ask yourself, “Why am I even here?”

This week, I’m blogging about and for student ministry volunteers.  Here’s yesterday’s post, if you’re interested.

Sometimes, actually many times, it doesn’t feel like we are getting anywhere with students.  In these moments it’s important to remember what we’re called to do and what we’re not called to do.  In these moments, a little gardening tip can keep us sane.

SEEDS AND WATERING CANS

As we think about leading students this year, there is a principle found in 1 Corinthians that has kept me sane in many difficult moments in student ministry.  Check it out:

“I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.  So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.  The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor.  For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.”                              (1 Corinthians 3:6-8)

Paul is describing the growth of the Christians in Corinth.  He was the one who planted the seeds.  He preached the Gospel to the people in Corinth.  For most, he was the person who introduced them to Jesus.  Then, Apollos came and taught them more about what it looks like to follow Jesus.  They grew and became more established under Apollos’ teaching.  And yet, Paul acknowledges that while they both had critical roles, God is the one who made the people grow.  Paul and Apollos were simply being faithful to their calling.

OUR ROLE AND GOD’S ROLE

As much as we try in student ministry, we cannot cause growth.  Only God can do that.  We can only be faithful with the roles that God has given us.  I love this. There is freedom and clarity here.  I can build relationships.  I can pursue students.  I can speak truth and I can love students well.  But, I cannot produce the results.  I cannot make a student grow.  That’s God’s role.

So this year, be a great small group leader.  Mentor your students.  Love them well and show them how to follow Jesus.  As you do these things, remember that it’s God’s role to make them grow.  Plant seeds like crazy and go nuts with the watering can.  Do your very best to love students and draw them into what Jesus is doing in and around us.  But, at the end of the day, breath a sigh of relief because, ultimately, it’s God’s role to make students grow.  All you can do is be faithful.

To Our New Volunteers

It’s September, that means it’s time to launch our student ministry.  This week I’m focusing my blog on volunteers.   Here’s what I shared with our brand new volunteer small group leaders last Wednesday night…

Sometimes you guys make me mad.  I’ll be honest, sometimes I get a little jealous.  Why?  Baptisms.  Yeah, that’s right.  Baptisms.  You see, when we do baptisms in high school, our students share their faith stories and talk about the influential moments along the way.  You know what they never say?  They never say, “I really remember this one time when Aaron was teaching and he said ….”  They never say that, because they basically never remember ANYTHING we say from the stage.  They really don’t.  It’s kind of depressing actually.

You know what they do say at baptism night?  Standing there in the hot tub they unfold their papers and read aloud about how influential their leader has been in their life.  They talk about…

  • how their leader put up with them when all they did was scream or wrestle in 6th grade
  • that trip they went on with their small group or that week in a cabin at Camp LifeLine
  • a tearful conversation in 9th grade after that really bad decision when their leader was there for them and comforted them
  • countless trips to Starbucks in which their leader poured into them
  • solemn small group moments at 2am on our senior sneak trip, long after all the tissues in the hotel room have run out.

When it comes to the baptism faith stories, you guys get all the credit and honestly, that’s how it should be.  You guys are the pastors in this ministry.  You are the spiritual shepherds.  You are the backbone of this ministry and we appreciate and need you deeply.

PASTORS AND SHEPHERDS

Please understand how important you are to the spiritual growth of our students.  It will be your role to know our students–their families, situations, struggles and strengths.  You will be there for them in the difficult moments.  You will laugh with them in the hilarious moments.  You will speak truth into their lives when they need to hear it.  You will walk with them and watch them grow into the people God is calling them to be.

Without you and what you do our ministry is ineffective.  Honestly.  We’re so grateful for you and want to encourage you to embrace your role as pastors and shepherds in the lives of our students.

HOW DO YOU GET THERE?

Here you are, a brand new leader in LifeLine.  I know you all want to do an amazing job this year.  So, how do you get from uncertain noobie to sharing stories in the baptism tub?  How do you have that kind of impact?  It’s actually really simple.  If you break it all down it’s this simple:

Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. (1 Corinthians 11:1)

Follow Jesus in front of them.  Invite them into your life.  Share the crucial stories from your life in which God made His presence and purposes known.  Talk to them about your mistakes and how God grew you through them.   Show them and lead them.  It’s not easy but it’s simple.   You are the pastor.  You are the shepherd.

 

photo credited to j.minor

Influencing Boys Toward Greatness | Leadership

I can’t remember the last male character on TV who was a leader.  OK, take out every super hero/Jack Bauer type character.  If a man isn’t single handedly saving the world he is a sally—see every sitcom husband ever.

Let me make a clarification.  By leadership I do not mean dominance.  There are plenty of guys out there who know how to get what they want through dominance and abuse.  The leadership I’m talking about is others first.  It’s the kind of leadership that draws out the best in others.  It empowers others to become who God made them to be and rallies people around the mission of Christ in the world.

When I think of my sons, this is what I want.  I want my boys to grow into men who inspire, empower and lead the way.  So, how do you get there?  How do you teach a boy to become a leader modeled after Jesus?

LEADERSHIP IS CAUGHT NOT TAUGHT

Nearly everything in our culture teaches boys to be selfish.  “It’s all about you.”  “Have it your way.”  “Wear this and women will want you.”

If we want our boys to become others focused leaders, we have to understand that we’re going against the flow of culture.  They won’t become the leaders we want them to be without first seeing it.  Specifically, they need to see us doing it.  The boys in your youth ministry and in your family will lead exactly how they see you leading.  Be the leader you want your boys to be.

One of the best ways to do model others first leadership is through volunteering.  Volunteer together with your son.  Encourage the boys in your youth group to serve in the children’s ministry.  Take your family on mission trips.  Serve together and they will catch others first leadership.

TEACH HIM TO LEAD IN RELATIONSHIPS

To be frank, many guys in our culture approach relationships asking a simple question:  “What can I get out of this?”  For the record, that’s called exploitation.  Great men don’t exploit women.  They empower and liberate.

At the risk of offending everyone in the universe, I believe that great men lead in relationships.  Before you start writing that hate comment just hear me out.  I think men ought to protect women by taking the lead on physical boundaries.  Unfortunately, many guys are out to get what they can in relationships and many girls are lonely enough that they will trade purity for perceived intimacy.

The world needs men who are more interested in protecting women and bringing the best out in them than getting what they can.   My dream is that my daughters would date guys who are man enough to be upfront about their physical and emotional boundaries and that they would lead the way in maintaining these boundaries.

We need to train the boys in our families and youth ministries to respect women by leading them.  Their role is to protect women, not take advantage of them.  Help boys clearly define their physical boundaries and then help them learn how to communicate and maintain these boundaries with girls.

Also, help them understand how powerfully their words can impact a woman.  Teach him to be careful with his words.  Again, the goal is to protect and empower women—no to get what you can from them.  That’s exploitation.

Great men lead.  They don’t dominant or exploit.  They put others first and empower the people around them.  To influence boys toward greatness, we must learn to lead in the same way.

 

 

A Simple Approach to Intergenerational Ministry

A lot has been said and written recently about the importance of intergenerational ministry.  The Sticky Faith research has pointed out the importance of adult mentors in the lives of students.

I think many student ministries assume they are doing well in this area simply because they put adults in proximity with students.  Personally, I do not believe that quality mentoring relationships will naturally grow out of proximity.  It takes intentionality.  Here are 3 ways we intentionally promote intergenerational mentoring.

1.       VISION VOLUNTEERS

First, we INSPIRE our volunteers to become mentors.  Before every Sunday or Wednesday night we hold an hour long leader meeting and one of the things we do in these meetings is tell stories of great mentoring.  We talk about how our volunteers have made a difference in the past and how each person investing in the lives of students today is altering the trajectory of a student’s life.

We EQUIP our volunteers to become mentors.  We teach them how to pursue students, how to manage and effectively lead a small group, how to interact with the parents of their students, and how to handle crisis conversations.  We don’t hold quarterly or even monthly training meetings; we train our volunteers every time we meet for large group.

We EXPECT our volunteers to become mentors.  We believe so deeply in intergenerational mentoring that we create standards.  I understand that it is impossible to quantify mentoring but we do our best to do it anyway.  We require a certain amount of small group activities, one-on-ones with students and parent interactions.

Although our mentors are volunteers, we still hold them accountable to their role.  If they aren’t performing, we carefully confront them.  If after a few more weeks they still aren’t performing, we fire them and find someone else who can mentor our students.  Yes, you can fire a volunteer.  This is how deeply we believe in intergenerational mentoring.

2.       STRUCTURE FOR MENTORING

We happen to believe that over time, small groups are a great place for mentoring relationships to develop.  Because of this we don’t ask students to opt into a small group.  We simply place EVERY STUDENT IN A SMALL GROUP and leave 30 minutes at the end of every LifeLine night for small groups.

Mentoring relationships take time to develop so we leave our small groups intact for all three years of middle school and all four years of high school.  Particularly in high school, we believe that SMALL GROUPS TAKE 1-2 YEARS TO BUILD TRUST.  The next 2 years are fertile soil for mentoring relationships.   

3.        SIMPLIFY PROGRAMMING

We believe that faith is best learned outside of the church building.  Students need to see faith lived out in action.   Because of this belief we require our volunteers to get on their students turf and to interact with them outside of our student ministry programming.

We know that volunteers only have so much time to devote to ministry.  Because mentoring outside the church building’s walls is a premium, we simply cut our programming to make space and time for our volunteers.  WE DON’T DO EVENTS.  Our senior high ministry literally has no events other than our Sunday night programming, snow camp and mission trips.  We simplify so that our volunteers can commit to pursuing their students outside the walls of the church building.

“No events!” You say?  Are you crazy?  Well, I guess that was a lie.  We have all sorts of events but we don’t schedule them—our small groups do, organically.  They are better and more strategically targeted than anything our staff could ever dream up.

 

So there you have it.  3 simple ways to promote mentoring in your ministry.  How have you promoted mentoring relationships in your setting?