A few weeks into this whole blogging thing I wrote a post based on a teaching I gave to our students during our spring sexuality series. The post blew up. Women were posting it all over Facebook, Twitter and even Pintrest. I was shocked and sort of embarrassed about being on Pintrest. I still feel like I lost a few man points there.
The post was all about identity and value. The central idea was, “You are immensely valuable and beautiful because God made you and loves you. Your sexuality is a precious gift. Protect it.” You can read it here if you like.
I received so much positive feedback from this post and I still can’t believe how many people have read and shared it. The question is…why?
THE TRUTH
Here’s the thing: I’m no expert on girls or sexuality. I’m married and have two cute little daughters but I would consider myself to be a novice at understanding girls. I haven’t remotely figured out my wife either. Every time things get emotional at my house you can find me in a corner with a pillow over my head. And don’t even get me started on the ridiculous idea that someday my daughters will want to date.
All this is to say, I really don’t think my blog post went “Pintrest” because I’m an eloquent writer or because I have some newfangled understanding of girls and sexuality. It must be something else.
I think the answer lies in a question: Why do so few girls feel good about themselves? Why are so many girls susceptible to guys who are interested in nothing more than a few hours with their body?
I know that we live in a messed up culture that uses sex to sell everything from cologne to cereal and that girls are conditioned through advertising to find value solely in the way they look but honestly, I’m not sure that culture is the biggest problem.
I CAN’T HEAR YOU
I think the problem has less to do what girls are hearing through culture and more to do with what girls aren’t hearing at home. Why is it that the only guys who are communicating value to girls are men who want to take advantage of them? Where are the fathers, brothers, uncles and grandfathers who are supposed to be communicating value to our girls? This, I believe is the core of the problem.
The feedback I’ve received over and over from girls is: “I wish someone would have told me these things before…” Speaking as a father, we need to start speaking up! Our daughters, nieces, and granddaughters need to be told over and over again that they are beautiful and valuable, that God created them just the way they are on purpose, and that only a guy who will love them on a heart level is worth their time. The first, “you are beautiful” should not come from some punk looking to take advantage of her.
SPEAK UP
I think we are guilty of making assumptions. We believe that somehow our girls just know. We assume that how we feel about them is obvious. It isn’t. In the absence of positive words they assume the worst. Tell her that she is beautiful. Tell her that she is special. Tell her that only guys of the highest quality are worth her time. Tell her that her sexuality is a precious gift. Tell her that you’re proud of her and that God loves her.
God put you in her life to guide her. Speak up. I think you’ll be amazed by how much impact your words will have.
image credited to jjpacres
