Tag: small groups

Don’t Be a Radagast

Sometimes it’s the details that matter.  There’s this little detail in the 2nd chapter of Genesis that reveals an important reality about being human.  In the 1st chapter, God repeats over and over, after every day of creation, that what He has made is good.  Everything is perfect and wonderful.  And then, in the next chapter we hear about something being not good.

You see, Adam had just finished naming all of the animals.  Based on how many species of animals exist, or did exist, this probably took an incredibly long time.  I love what the writer of Genesis says about this process:

“But for Adam no suitable helper was found.”

Either Adam was trying to hang out with the hippos or he noticed that every other species had a female counterpart while he was alone.  He spent a really long day or perhaps 100 years expecting to find a girl hiding behind the next tree.

Whatever the case, God made a declaration:

“It’s not good for the man to be alone.”

This has nothing to do with sin either because that comes in the next chapter.  It has to do with community.

The author of Genesis tells us that humans are created in God’s image.  This means that we reflect his nature.  God exists in relationship—Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  Community is at the heart of God’s nature and therefore at the heart of what it means to be human.

We need each other.  There is something core to the nature of humanity that requires deep relationships.  When we try to go solo, we go against the nature of how things are—against the created order.

You will never be what you ought to be without community.  There is a very real sense in which ignoring this basic human will make you weird.

I love the Lord of the Rings trilogy.   The characters are incredibly fascinating.  There is a very odd character in newest Hobbit movie called Radagast the Brown.  He’s straight weird.  He travels by a rabbit pulled sleigh.  He talks to birds and dresses worse than Lady Gaga.

He’s weird because he’s been living alone in the woods for years.  He’s a hermit.  He’s ignored the pull of community and he’s ended up weird.

Don’t end up weird.  I mean that in the nicest way possible.  But there is a serious point here, you were created for relationships.  You’ll never be the person God intends for you to be if you try to go solo.  You were created in God’s image and God exists in perfect community.

If you want to grow this year, if you want to become the person God created you to be, you need to let people into your life.  You need to be honest.  You need accountability, laughter, sympathy, conflict and everything else that comes with authentic relationships.  Without these things…you’ll be a Radagast.

 

image from The Hobbit

Volunteer Pep Talk | Growth

It’s Wednesday night and you’re attempting to lead your small group.  As you look around, two small groups are deep in prayer and one is passing out tissues because Sally is pouring her heart out.  You’re startled back to reality by a flash across your field of vision as Billy catapults himself off the top of a nearby couch and drops a well placed elbow into Johnny’s lower back.  Yes, this is your small group.  While the groups around you are engaging in community and discipleship, your group is engaged in a WWE cage match…again, just like they do every week.  And you ask yourself, “Why am I even here?”

This week, I’m blogging about and for student ministry volunteers.  Here’s yesterday’s post, if you’re interested.

Sometimes, actually many times, it doesn’t feel like we are getting anywhere with students.  In these moments it’s important to remember what we’re called to do and what we’re not called to do.  In these moments, a little gardening tip can keep us sane.

SEEDS AND WATERING CANS

As we think about leading students this year, there is a principle found in 1 Corinthians that has kept me sane in many difficult moments in student ministry.  Check it out:

“I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.  So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.  The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor.  For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.”                              (1 Corinthians 3:6-8)

Paul is describing the growth of the Christians in Corinth.  He was the one who planted the seeds.  He preached the Gospel to the people in Corinth.  For most, he was the person who introduced them to Jesus.  Then, Apollos came and taught them more about what it looks like to follow Jesus.  They grew and became more established under Apollos’ teaching.  And yet, Paul acknowledges that while they both had critical roles, God is the one who made the people grow.  Paul and Apollos were simply being faithful to their calling.

OUR ROLE AND GOD’S ROLE

As much as we try in student ministry, we cannot cause growth.  Only God can do that.  We can only be faithful with the roles that God has given us.  I love this. There is freedom and clarity here.  I can build relationships.  I can pursue students.  I can speak truth and I can love students well.  But, I cannot produce the results.  I cannot make a student grow.  That’s God’s role.

So this year, be a great small group leader.  Mentor your students.  Love them well and show them how to follow Jesus.  As you do these things, remember that it’s God’s role to make them grow.  Plant seeds like crazy and go nuts with the watering can.  Do your very best to love students and draw them into what Jesus is doing in and around us.  But, at the end of the day, breath a sigh of relief because, ultimately, it’s God’s role to make students grow.  All you can do is be faithful.

To Our New Volunteers

It’s September, that means it’s time to launch our student ministry.  This week I’m focusing my blog on volunteers.   Here’s what I shared with our brand new volunteer small group leaders last Wednesday night…

Sometimes you guys make me mad.  I’ll be honest, sometimes I get a little jealous.  Why?  Baptisms.  Yeah, that’s right.  Baptisms.  You see, when we do baptisms in high school, our students share their faith stories and talk about the influential moments along the way.  You know what they never say?  They never say, “I really remember this one time when Aaron was teaching and he said ….”  They never say that, because they basically never remember ANYTHING we say from the stage.  They really don’t.  It’s kind of depressing actually.

You know what they do say at baptism night?  Standing there in the hot tub they unfold their papers and read aloud about how influential their leader has been in their life.  They talk about…

  • how their leader put up with them when all they did was scream or wrestle in 6th grade
  • that trip they went on with their small group or that week in a cabin at Camp LifeLine
  • a tearful conversation in 9th grade after that really bad decision when their leader was there for them and comforted them
  • countless trips to Starbucks in which their leader poured into them
  • solemn small group moments at 2am on our senior sneak trip, long after all the tissues in the hotel room have run out.

When it comes to the baptism faith stories, you guys get all the credit and honestly, that’s how it should be.  You guys are the pastors in this ministry.  You are the spiritual shepherds.  You are the backbone of this ministry and we appreciate and need you deeply.

PASTORS AND SHEPHERDS

Please understand how important you are to the spiritual growth of our students.  It will be your role to know our students–their families, situations, struggles and strengths.  You will be there for them in the difficult moments.  You will laugh with them in the hilarious moments.  You will speak truth into their lives when they need to hear it.  You will walk with them and watch them grow into the people God is calling them to be.

Without you and what you do our ministry is ineffective.  Honestly.  We’re so grateful for you and want to encourage you to embrace your role as pastors and shepherds in the lives of our students.

HOW DO YOU GET THERE?

Here you are, a brand new leader in LifeLine.  I know you all want to do an amazing job this year.  So, how do you get from uncertain noobie to sharing stories in the baptism tub?  How do you have that kind of impact?  It’s actually really simple.  If you break it all down it’s this simple:

Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. (1 Corinthians 11:1)

Follow Jesus in front of them.  Invite them into your life.  Share the crucial stories from your life in which God made His presence and purposes known.  Talk to them about your mistakes and how God grew you through them.   Show them and lead them.  It’s not easy but it’s simple.   You are the pastor.  You are the shepherd.

 

photo credited to j.minor

A Simple Approach to Intergenerational Ministry

A lot has been said and written recently about the importance of intergenerational ministry.  The Sticky Faith research has pointed out the importance of adult mentors in the lives of students.

I think many student ministries assume they are doing well in this area simply because they put adults in proximity with students.  Personally, I do not believe that quality mentoring relationships will naturally grow out of proximity.  It takes intentionality.  Here are 3 ways we intentionally promote intergenerational mentoring.

1.       VISION VOLUNTEERS

First, we INSPIRE our volunteers to become mentors.  Before every Sunday or Wednesday night we hold an hour long leader meeting and one of the things we do in these meetings is tell stories of great mentoring.  We talk about how our volunteers have made a difference in the past and how each person investing in the lives of students today is altering the trajectory of a student’s life.

We EQUIP our volunteers to become mentors.  We teach them how to pursue students, how to manage and effectively lead a small group, how to interact with the parents of their students, and how to handle crisis conversations.  We don’t hold quarterly or even monthly training meetings; we train our volunteers every time we meet for large group.

We EXPECT our volunteers to become mentors.  We believe so deeply in intergenerational mentoring that we create standards.  I understand that it is impossible to quantify mentoring but we do our best to do it anyway.  We require a certain amount of small group activities, one-on-ones with students and parent interactions.

Although our mentors are volunteers, we still hold them accountable to their role.  If they aren’t performing, we carefully confront them.  If after a few more weeks they still aren’t performing, we fire them and find someone else who can mentor our students.  Yes, you can fire a volunteer.  This is how deeply we believe in intergenerational mentoring.

2.       STRUCTURE FOR MENTORING

We happen to believe that over time, small groups are a great place for mentoring relationships to develop.  Because of this we don’t ask students to opt into a small group.  We simply place EVERY STUDENT IN A SMALL GROUP and leave 30 minutes at the end of every LifeLine night for small groups.

Mentoring relationships take time to develop so we leave our small groups intact for all three years of middle school and all four years of high school.  Particularly in high school, we believe that SMALL GROUPS TAKE 1-2 YEARS TO BUILD TRUST.  The next 2 years are fertile soil for mentoring relationships.   

3.        SIMPLIFY PROGRAMMING

We believe that faith is best learned outside of the church building.  Students need to see faith lived out in action.   Because of this belief we require our volunteers to get on their students turf and to interact with them outside of our student ministry programming.

We know that volunteers only have so much time to devote to ministry.  Because mentoring outside the church building’s walls is a premium, we simply cut our programming to make space and time for our volunteers.  WE DON’T DO EVENTS.  Our senior high ministry literally has no events other than our Sunday night programming, snow camp and mission trips.  We simplify so that our volunteers can commit to pursuing their students outside the walls of the church building.

“No events!” You say?  Are you crazy?  Well, I guess that was a lie.  We have all sorts of events but we don’t schedule them—our small groups do, organically.  They are better and more strategically targeted than anything our staff could ever dream up.

 

So there you have it.  3 simple ways to promote mentoring in your ministry.  How have you promoted mentoring relationships in your setting?

 

 

Be Spiritual…Have Fun!

I happen to be an Orange kind of guy.  Our church has a close relationship with the brilliant people over at reThink.  Yesterday, Jon Grunden wrote a great piece for the Lead Small Blog on the importance of fun.

Here’s a clip:

When my students start to wander away from God, or it just doesn’t seem like anybody is paying attention anymore, I have the tendency to run to the to-do list.  The to-do list is safe and it makes me feel spiritual, but most often it just serves to remind me how far I am from where I want to be with my guys.  It’s counterintuitive, but sometimes the most spiritual thing I can do with my guys is have fun. 

When it comes to student ministry, Jon is a genius and he’s a a lot of fun to work with.  He’s taught me at least 73% of what I know about student ministry.  Do yourself a favor and check out the rest of his post.

 

Guest Post: Come Cry with Me

I’m a crier.  If something emotional is going on you will find me sniffling and wiping my eyes and trying to pull myself together.  Emotional things might be – worship, testimonies, baptisms,  watching a touching moment between a leader and a student, and those pet food commercials where a guy comes home from the war and his dog is really happy to see him.

I also cry by proxy.  If you’re crying, I’m crying.  I wasn’t always like this.  Before I started working in student ministry I was much tougher.   Maybe I would get a little misty when Bambi’s mom died, or tear up when George figured things out in It’s a Wonderful Life, but that about covered it.

Working in student ministry changed all that for me.  I found very quickly that if I wanted to connect with kids and leaders, I had to be vulnerable and raw with them.  This kind of openness carries a price tag.  Suddenly the pain that a student feels over a rift with a friend becomes my pain, the struggle a leader was having connecting with her small group becomes my struggle.  At this point, it’s widely known that if you’re sad, you just need to find me and we will be sad together.

Often we’re tempted to hit students with truth when they are emotionally vulnerable but sometimes the greatest gift we can give is crying with them.  Empathy opens the way to discipleship.

The good news is that I get to experience the opposite end of the spectrum as well.  When my people have something to celebrate they seek me out and we have one big slamming happy fest.   It’s just important to understand that you can’t have one without the other.    If you’re the guy who loves to celebrate with everyone but is suspiciously absent when students need to talk through some tough issues, you’re also the guy that no one really trusts.  Wading into messy issues requires you to get…well, messy.

A few nights ago was our last high school meeting of the season.  A group of girls I’ve been close with since 6th grade graduated and won’t be back next year.  We cried.  A lot.  We stopped crying, took some pictures and then we cried some more.  Photoshop will take care of all that smeared mascara right?  Sure, I could have saved myself some grief if I had kept them at arms length, but I would have missed out on some of my favorite moments in ministry.  It’s a fair trade.

Christina Thelen has been involved in student ministry for 7 years.  That’s 49 dog years.  For the last 4 years she has served as the Department Coordinator of LifeLine–the student ministry of Ada Bible Church.

Want Astronomical Volunteers? Give Them a Break!

We have astronomical volunteers.  Part of the reason why they are so awesome is that we train them for an hour before every large group program.  Another reason they are so great is that we give them the summer off.  No one can perform at astronomical level indefinitely.  Here’s a snippet of the training we provided on how to lead well while taking the summer off.

Rest

The first thing we want our volunteers to do over the summer is rest.  We tell them to pull back a little and recharge.  They gave us 31 Sunday nights between Labor Day and Memorial Day.  We know they are worn down and ready for a break so we give them one.  We don’t ask them to show up at Bible studies or whatever else we might dream up for the summer.  If we decide to do any programing during the summer, it’s entirely on our staff to pull it off.

Engage

While we encourage our volunteers to rest, we still ask them to stay engaged with their small group students, particularly through social media.  I specifically asked them to communicate with their students at least once a week through whatever social media platforms they share with their students.  I hear Xanga is all the rage.

In our structure each leader continues with the same small group year after year so it’s important to maintain the relationships over the summer.  In addition, a little, “Hey, I’m still here and who knows when I might ask you what you did on Friday night” provides students with needed accountability.

Invite

Social media is an amazing tool but it can’t replace real life interactions.  Face to face conversations are still exponentially more meaningful to students.  I asked our small group leaders to invite their groups to do something (a movie, a trip to the beach, a service project or whatever) at least once during the summer.  Some of our leaders are all-stars and they continue to meet with their groups all summer long but I know that this is an unrealistic expectation for everyone.

Recruit

Because our small group leaders are the functional pastors and shepherds in our ministry, our discipleship impact is dependent on the quality and maturity of our leaders.   We work hard over the summer to recruit the best leaders we can find.  However, it is difficult to describe to a person who has no background in our ministry exactly what we’re asking them to commit to.  Because of this, our best recruiters are our current and former volunteers.  They know what we are looking for and they can describe what it’s like to volunteer in our ministry.  Understanding this, we ask our volunteers to identify people within their circles who would make great LifeLine volunteers.  This “refer-a-friend” method has led us to many of our best volunteers.

So if you want astronomical volunteers, give them a break.  But before you cut them loose give them clarity on what it looks like to lead well while taking the summer off.

Do you take the summer off?  If so, how do you vision your volunteers for the summer months?

 

 

 

image courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/mortengade/

 

College Transition: 4+Life

A few nights ago was the season finale of our senior cell family.  In our ministry structure, cell families are regional collections of 6 small groups.  One of the things we do to help our students with college transition is cluster all of our senior small groups into their own cell family.  We meet together every other week and talk about transitioning into adulthood.  Last night was the last cell family of the year.   It’s tradition for us to give our small group leaders the floor on the last night and let them share their final words of advice to our graduating seniors.  They all shared from the platform of years invested in their small group so their words carried some weight for all and immense weight for a few.

One of our leaders said something that I will remember for the rest of my life—something that reminds me that connecting small groups of students with a caring adult is probably the most important thing we do.  This particular leader said, “Whatever happens from here on out, whatever mistakes you make, we want you to know that we are here for you for the rest of your lives.”  The beautiful thing is that I know from watching her lead her small group that she meant every word of that statement and I know the same is true for the other leaders sitting around that circle.

Ever since I heard Kara Powell explain the core concepts of Sticky Faith in a breakout session at the Simply Youth Ministry Conference, I have made the “4+1” concept a key component of our volunteer recruiting and training.  We’ve asked for a four year commitment for as long as I can remember but we began visioning volunteers to continue mentoring their students during their first year of college.  I believe that this concept has made a significant impact in the lives of our graduates.

Here’s the clincher:  if you recruit the right people and vision them the right way, not only will they give you 4+1, they will give you 4+life.   I understand that not every leader has this kind of capacity and not every small group relationally cements together in this way but even if only half of them do—think of the incredible lifelong impact our student ministries could have.  This is why I believe that nothing we do is more important that leveraging inter-generational mentoring relationships.  Life-changing student ministry isn’t complicated.  Find adults who love Jesus and are willing to love a handful of students, equip and vision the heck out of them and unleash them to be the pastors in your ministry.  4+life.