Earlier this summer, I co-led a team of students on a mission trip to Malawi, Africa. Here’s the third installment of what I learned:
LESSON 3: RELATIONSHIPS TRUMP EVERYTHING
Things move slowly in Africa. By that I don’t mean that Africa is backwards or inferior. What I mean is that conversations, business exchanges and encounters with people on the street move at a slower pace. You might say they linger.
I’ll be honest, there’s part of me that hates slow, and if I’m honest that part is the larger part of me. I’m very task oriented. I don’t like it when people trap me in conversation when I have places to go or things to do.
While we were in Malawi, the CURE hospital staff assigned us the task of redesigning and decorating a playroom for the children. We really enjoyed painting cartoon animals on the walls and creating a warm and embracing environment (when I say “we,” I mean the students who had artistic talent). However, in my estimation, the entire project took about three days longer than necessary. The reason was that every little decision had to be consulted by 19 different people.
“Have we decided on where to hang the TV?”
“Hello Aaron! How are you? How was your evening? Did you sleep well?” …15 minutes of conversation later…
“So, where should we hang the TV?”
“Well, we really need to consult with Joe because he is the one who leads the ministry with the kids.”
So, I go and find Joe.
“Hey Joe, where do you want to hang the TV?”
“Hello Aaron! How are you? [shakes my hand and then continues to hold my hand throughout the rest of the conversation] How was your night. Did you sleep well….” 15 minutes of conversation later,
“So, where should we hang the TV?”
“Well, we should consult so and so because of some random reason.”
For the record, we never actually hung the TV.
The funny thing is that the Malawians actually care about listening to everyone’s opinions and truly care about the questions they are asking you. And, if you don’t reciprocate the questions you are perceived as a jerk because you aren’t valuing the conversation and therefore the relationship. Which, if I’m honest, is probably true.
For crying out loud, even the peddlers in the market asked me how I was enjoying their country, told me their names, shook my hand for about 50 minutes as they inquired about my family all the while gently leading me to the stalls containing their mahogany wares.
I learned that Malawians value relationships more than anything else. When a Malawian invites you into their home, they literally wash your hands for you. In everything, task is secondary and relationship is first. So what if the playroom is behind schedule? We connected and cared for each other. That’s what friends do. And, if you’re wondering, the project was completed on time…ish.
Like I said, at first I hated the pace of everything but then we began to recognize the value of their way of life. When asked how she planned to change her life based on her experiences in Africa, one of our students explained that she planned to take time to actually answer her mom’s questions after school instead of spitting out a quick “Fine” before running to her room to watch Netflix. She realized that Malawians value relationships in ways that we as Americans don’t. That realization alone is probably worth the cost of the plane ticket
I can’t help but think that we, in the US, have some things to learn about listening, asking good questions, putting people first and valuing relationships. I’m attempting to slow down, listen a little more and value the relationships God has gifted me with. Just don’t interrupt me while I’m doing something or try to hold my hand while we talk…
