Aaron Buer - student ministry | leadership | parenting

Influencing Boys Towards Greatness

There aren’t a whole lot of quality men out there. When I think about the kind of man I want my daughters to marry, I don’t see many of them. Men of character are an endangered species.

With all that said, I want to raise great sons and I want the boys in my student ministry to become great men. I want them to become strong men of faith who know who they are and what their purpose is in life. I want them to become faithful and loving husbands and fathers. In a culture that is currently producing so many low quality men, how do we do this? How exactly do you raise and mentor boys like that? I have a few thoughts…

SELF-RESPECT

A quality man must have a strong sense of self-respect. Why? Because every man’s deepest longing is for respect—for the people around him to be proud of him. If he doesn’t possess an understanding of himself that leads him to believe that he is respectable and worth being proud of, he will struggle through life. So, as parents, youth workers or even friends, how do we build the self-respect of boys and young men?

1. Does He Understand Where His Value Comes From?

Men naturally believe that their value flows from what they can do. We were created to work—to build, create, fix and accomplish but because of sin we have developed an unhealthy assumption that what we do wholly determines our worth.

Boys need to understand that their value comes from the fact that God loves them not from what they can do. We must repeatedly and carefully reinforce this truth.

2. Does He Know that you are Proud of Him?

The central need of a man is for respect. In order to develop healthy future relationships, boys must develop a strong sense of self-respect. As a parent you will deeply influence this process by the way that you talk to your son. Does he know that you are proud of him? Does he hear it on a regular basis?

Based on the way you talk about the boys under your influence, they will develop the belief that they either can or can’t in the world. Boys who are not praised regularly or who are criticized relentlessly will have an incredibly hard time developing strong relationships as they grow older.

Life is hard and will at times leave a boy reeling. Gift the boys in your life with an irreversible belief that he IS respectable.

3. Does He Know What it means to be Respectable?

So, what exactly does it mean to be respectable? Our culture is severely confused about this. Popular TV, music and video games teach that respect comes from power and intimidation. Because of this, guys spend an inordinate amount of time building muscles, athletic expertise and overall toughness. No one is talking about honor, wisdom, moral strength or work ethic.

True respectability comes from humble strength. It comes from living rightly and serving the people around us—not dominating them. A respectable man draws the best out of people by empowering them. This is especially true in a good marriage.

We must show our boys what real respectability is all about. As a father, how do you treat the women in your life? Are you empowering them through humble service? As a mother, how do you talk about your husband or other men in your life?

How you handle conflict will also teach boys about respectability. Do you demand what you want through intimidation and guilt? If so, this is what he will learn. How you conduct yourselves during conflict will teach him how people ought to be treated when it really matters.

The foundation of a man’s identity is his sense of self-respect. You can help the boys in your life develop healthy self-respect by showing them why they are valuable, that you are proud of them, and what respectability is all about.

I’ll continue this topic tomorrow by sharing some ideas on how to build character in boys.

Why Camp LifeLine Rules

Tomorrow is almost better than Christmas. Tomorrow our student ministry leaves for camp. Without a doubt this is one of my favorite weeks of the year. I am incredibly proud of our camp both in terms of our program and for how astronomically well our volunteers and students lead and serve.

When it comes to camp our team is boss and yet, we keep it very simple. We’re only aiming to do three things. But, we’re planning to knock these three things out of the park. Here they are.

FUN

We unapologetically attempt to blow the roof off when it comes to fun. There will be entertaining videos. There will be dance parties. There will be ridiculously creative games.

We have been working for months on some of the best videos we’ve ever created. Our camp storyline is epic. That’s really all I can say because it’s all top secret.

Here’s the thing, I happen to believe that fun can be a spiritual experience. Yes, I’m being serious. Many of this generation’s students are hurting. Many of them are under enormous pressure. Many of them feel abandoned by the adults in their lives. If we, as a ministry representing Jesus, can offer them laughter and fun and a reprieve from the pain, pressure and abandonment then fun is a spiritual experience.

When adults take vacation time to spend a week with students—when they get on the students’ level by having fun and laughing with them—God is pleased.

FOCUS ON JESUS

Everything we do at camp points toward Jesus. The sessions, the worship, the fun, the games, the relationships—everything is focused on Jesus. If we get to the end of camp and we haven’t made it crystal clear to all of our students that God loves them and wants a relationship with them through Jesus then we have failed.

More than anything else we are interested in connecting students with Jesus because we believe that life, meaning and purpose is found when we connect our passions, talents and possessions with the mission of Jesus in the world.

LOVE STUDENTS

Everything we do in LifeLine revolves around relationships and our camp is no different. Each cabin functions as a small group. Cabins compete together, eat together, and experience sessions and small groups together. Our goal is that each cabin would function as a family at camp.

I like to think of a week of camp as a little taste of heaven. For one week each student can get away from his struggles and pressures. For one week each student is treated with love and respect. For one week each kid doesn’t have to produce anything. For one week distractions are put aside and a kid can worship her creator without worrying about what other people are saying about her. For one week a student can share her heart and a caring adult will listen empathetically, cry with her and pray with her. For one week students can feel the very presence of God and hear His voice calling them to real life.

Camp is so amazing. I can’t wait to see how our volunteers and student leaders rise up and love students—some of which haven’t been loved well ever in their lives. I can’t wait to see the smiles and laughter of students getting a little taste of heaven. I can’t wait to see how God moves and transforms life. Can you tell that I’m psyched for Camp LifeLine?

Youth Ministry Videos 101

A few years ago we came to terms with a painful truth. Students don’t listen to us when we talk to them from the stage. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty sure they nominally pay attention to the teachings but they never listen to announcements. Every time we take the stage and invite students to sign up for a retreat or to tell them about an event that will drastically change their lives they stare at us blankly and remember nothing. Meanwhile, the energy in the room plummets. By the time we start our worship set the girls are texting and the guys are asleep.

One thing we noticed about our culture is that people always pay attention to screens. Call it being addicted to technology or visually stimulated or whatever you want but a compelling image or a well done commercial captures us. If you don’t know what I’m talking about schedule your next team meeting at Buffalo Wild Wings and see how much you accomplish.

So, based on our observations about the power of screens we started shooting video announcements. In the beginning it was just me sitting in a chair talking and it has evolved into rap videos and other ridiculousness. I know we aren’t breaking new ground here and plenty of other ministries use video announcements but ours are way better than theirs.

OK, not really but we have been amazed at how video announcements have contributed to our student ministry community and culture. Adding some ridiculous characters and YouTube spoofs has amped up the fun level.

If you’re interested in getting in the video announcement game, here are a few suggestions.

1. Invest in Good Gear

Filming can be as inexpensive and simple as pulling out your iPhone and hitting record but we all know that isn’t going to yield a visually pleasing end product (not to mention the audio). Here’s the thing. Your students and volunteers all watch TV in HD and probably movies on Blu-Ray. A good set of gear and trained people will help get you comparable quality. People appreciate well made videos.

In the film world, you get what you pay for. A video shot on a two thousand dollar camera and a fifteen hundred dollar lens will look better than a seven hundred dollar camera on a standard kit lens. And the same goes for audio and microphones. It can be daunting at first with all the choices, but that’s where people with experience come in. Chat it up with someone you know who does film, tell them what you plan to do and ask what lens will be best for you, what tri-pod they’d recommend, which lens best fits your needs, etc.

2. Find and Film Expressive People

There is a reason that not everyone is an actor. This doesn’t mean that your videos require professional actors but it does mean you need expressive people. Maybe this is you, maybe it isn’t. This could also be a great opportunity to pull in students and volunteers. Trust me when I say that the wrong people on video are worse than the wrong people on stage.

3. Act like a Clown

Sometimes the announcement needs to come from you—even if you’re not expressive. We’ve discovered that acting normally while filming will make you appear like you just woke up from a nap. You have to amp up your energy. Focus on making your face more expressive. Talk with your hands and act like you’re overly excited. I know this sounds ridiculous but trust me.

4. Keep it Short

Our biggest mistake in creating announcement videos has been length. Anything over 5 minutes is WAY too long. We aim for 4 minutes or shorter if there is some sort of storyline or 2 or 3 minutes if it is a simple announcement. Never overestimate the attention span of your students. Squirrel!

5. Delegate the Filming and Editing

If you’re like me, editing software might as well be in Chinese. I’m helpless. No problem. There are a bazillion people out there who love to film, edit and produce videos. They’ll probably also complete projects 40x faster than you could. Take advantage of people who want to serve.

6. Grant Creative Freedom

Over the last 4 years, video characters and ongoing storylines have dramatically increased the fun in our student ministry. Especially in middle school, a few reoccurring characters can be brilliant. My advice, find some funny people and turn them loose to create ideas and videos. If you have someone who can do voices, plug them in! You can score costumes for basically nothing by spending an afternoon perusing local thrift shops. Amp up the fun in your student ministry by getting ridiculous with announcement videos.

7. Steal Ideas

We’re all on the same team right? Our early video ideas were all stolen—usually from Saddleback. Sorry! Sometimes we still steal great ideas because, well they are great ideas. Here’s our Vimeo page. Feel free to steal our ideas or at least laugh at how bad our early videos were.

photo credited to SPDP

Church Signs

I’m fascinated with church signs. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve driven by a ridiculous church sign, did a facepalm and almost crashed my car, I’d have at least $20. They are just so hilarious and embarrassing!

So, at the risk of offending everyone who writes content for church signs, I’d like to spend a little time reviewing some of the more baffling ones I’ve seen.

I’m assuming this comes with a “Jesus is my child support” bumper sticker.

Photo Credited to J.G. Charlet III

Wait…what?

photo credited to flamk

I’m trying to remember the last time I paid for GPS…

photo credited to jon rubin

I always appreciate good theology coupled with good grammar.

photo credited to williac

Great. Now I’m craving A1 sauce.

photo credited to echo9er

If I remember correctly, Scully goes to this church.

photo credited to au_tiger01

And if God had a dumpster, this sign would be in it.

photo credited to au_tiger01

I’m not really up on technology. Is this a Xanga reference?

photo credited to Loren Sztajer

Fun as in slavery? I think I’ll keep my kids home.

photo credited to ttcopley

Well that should put an end to atheism…

photo credited to Dvortygirl

I could look at ridiculous church signs for hours! So entertaining. OK, I’m done.

Lessons on Porn from the British

Apparently the leaders of the British government have had enough of pornography. David Cameron, the Prime Minister of gave a speech recently in which he announced that pornography is “corroding childhood.” He announced that “family-friendly filters would be automatically selected for all new [Internet] customers by the end of the year – although they could choose to switch them off. And millions of existing computer users would be contacted by their internet providers and told they must decide whether to use or not use ‘family-friendly filters’ to restrict adult material.”

If you’d like to read an article that describes this in detail, click here.

What I appreciate about Cameron’s speech is not that his measures will stop people from viewing pornography because people who want to watch porn will find a way. What I appreciate is that he is willing to call pornography wrong. He took a stand to protect the children of his nation.

Secondly, I do believe that Cameron’s initiatives could push back how early children see pornography. Based on the testimonies of students and volunteers that I’ve interacted with, most people’s first contact with pornography happens unintentionally and almost always through the Internet.

With that said, we as parents and youth workers need to come to terms with the fact that kids will see pornography. The latest statistics that I’ve seen reveal that 98% of boys have seen pornography by age 18. More and more kids are introduced to pornography while in elementary school. So what do we do? How to do help our children navigate this? Here are a few thoughts:

CHANGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS

First, we need to come to terms with the fact that our children will see pornography. The age where we could keep them from the destructive influence of porn is gone. Now, we must learn to help them navigate a culture in which sex is pervasive.

This doesn’t mean that we simply surrender. In fact, it means that we must be even more vigilant. The first step is to help our elementary age children understand that pornography is wrong. And, if they run into it we want them to talk to us about it. We want our children to process their introduction to porn with us, not friends or the Internet.

MONITOR YOUR KIDS

Watch what your kids are doing online. Set up filters when they are young to protect them. And when they are older, use X3watch. This is a tool that will email you (or any accountability partner) any sketchy sites that your child visited. It is an accountability tool. In my opinion, accountability is better than filters because your child will learn to navigate around filters. X3watch can lead to conversations between you and your child, which is exactly what your child will need.

PORNOGRAPHY IS A DRUG

One of the ways you can help our kids is by explaining the dangers of pornography. We need to stop simply saying, “Don’t do it because it is wrong.” Kids aren’t dumb. They need to understand for themselves why it is dangerous. This video does a nice job of explaining how pornography affects the brain in the way drugs do.

PUBLIC SCREENS

Computers are relatively easy to monitor. Just keep the computer in a public space in your home. Smart phones and tablets are a different story. It is alarming that kids can access pornography anywhere at any time from a device they keep in their pocket.

When setting up boundaries, don’t forget about mobile devices. A good rule is to require that your kids’ phones be charged in a public place overnight. Keep all screens in public places. Also, consider putting X3watch on mobile devices as well.

COMPASSION NOT ANGER

The way we respond to our kids when they confess to looking at porn or when we receive an email from X3watch that reveals what our kids have been looking at will determine whether or not our kids will trust us with accountability and honesty in the future. Respond with compassion and help rather than anger and disappointment.

Especially for teenage boys, pornography is overpowering. They need help navigating our over-sexualized culture rather than a guilt trip. Help them set up boundaries. Yes, consequences are still important but make them constructive.

The stories I hear of students overcoming pornography always involve them coming clean with their parents (particularly their dads) and their parents responding with compassion, love and healthy consequences and boundaries.

Parenting Through Social Media

I ran across a very interesting study last week about parents and social media. The gist of the study is that “teenagers who are connected to their parents on social media feel closer to their parents in real life.”

This makes sense to me because whether we like it or not and whether we think it is good or not, students value social media connections. They not only value them but actually find real meaning in them. Parents ought to take advantage of this and jump into social media. Unfortunately, according to the study, only 16% of parents are interacting with their kids through social media on a daily basis. As parents, we are missing a huge opportunity here!

Secondly, I am continually shocked by parents who do not know what their kids are doing online. I’m not a isolationist by any means but the Internet can be a dangerous place and the decisions that students make on what to post can stick with them forever.

Also, why in the world do we let our children into social arenas in which children and adults mix regularly–in which normal people and creeptastic people regularly mix, without keeping an eye on them? At the risk of offending parents…GET ONLINE AND OBSERVE YOUR KIDS!

So, now that I’ve yelled at you…I bet you’re wondering what social media apps you should get involved with. Well, I’m glad you asked. Here are (in my opinion) the most popular social media apps with teens…

1. Snap Chat: This is one of the only social media sites that scares me. Kids taking pictures and videos of themselves and send them to friends. The trick is that the pictures delete after only a few seconds leaving no trace of the images. A recipe for awesomeness…nope. I would recommend at least a conversation with your child about this app. I know quite a few parents who have banned this app. The worst thing about it is that you can’t monitor it.

2. Teens love Twitter. One of the reasons is that most parents aren’t on it. I personally use Twitter constantly. You’ll be dismayed by the stream-of-consciousness style of communication that teens often use but it will help you connect with your kid and you’ll learn a lot about the way he and his friends process life.

3. Instagram is fantastic. It’s all about sharing photos and videos. There are simple editing tools that make you look like a photography pro. You can also share photos on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook all at once. One of the great features of Instagram, Vine, Facebook and others is that you can “like” your kid’s posts or pictures without making an obnoxious comment that embarrasses her. “Liking” is an easy way to show support, approval or simply that you’re paying attention without being intrusive.

4. This app is very much like Instagram except exclusively video. Before Instagram added video it was the video app of choice for students. It may fall out of favor but for now many teens are still on it.

5. Many teens shy away from using Facebook for anything other than pictures because Facebook is so huge. And, most parents are already on Facebook so students go to other social media outlets to hide. If you aren’t on Facebook or are but aren’t friends with your kid you need to get on!

So if you’re a parents, get involved with social media. Leverage social media to help you invest in your kids’ lives. If you do, according to the study I read, it may actually deepen your relationships with your children.

How to Survive in Student Ministry

Student Ministry can be a tough gig. It wasn’t long ago that the average stay of a youth pastor was only a year to 18 months. Actually, I don’t know who came up with those numbers. They may not be real but I do know many youth workers who have dropped out of ministry far earlier than they dreamed.

It is also true that we as youth workers are most vulnerable in the early days of our career. So, how do we survive these pivotal first years? Here are a few thoughts…

1. Admit that You’re not an Expert…Yet

When I graduated from good ole’ Moody Bible Institute, I thought I knew everything. It didn’t take me long to realize that in fact I knew next to nothing. The classroom just can’t teach the nuances of ministry.

The pressure of being new will temp you to pretend that you know everything. This is a horrible idea. Humility is paramount. 4 years of classroom training grants you a piece of paper. It doesn’t make you an expert. Years of experience in the field make you an expert. During your first few years of ministry humility and teach-ability are crucial.

2. Every Church Has Issues

Both of my church jobs had a honeymoon period. One of them lasted 6 months and the other for about 6 days. And no, I’m not telling you which was which.

If you’re like me, the emotions of life cloud your thinking. When things go south it’s easy to say, “I picked the wrong church! I gotta get outta here!” Or “Church X down the street has a contemporary service! I should go work there instead.” The truth is, humans go to your church and humans go to that church. There will be a few asinine policies wherever you go. You will find impossible people in every environment. There is no perfect church. The comparison game is dangerous.

With all that said, I have seen a few toxic churches. These communities will burn and scar you. In these cases you should run and run fast.

However, you should never decide that your church is toxic too quickly or in a vacuum. The heart is deceitful and we naturally detest what is difficult. If you think your church is toxic, bring in a mentor to help you decipher the situation.

3. Find the RIGHT Mentors

Everyone needs a Yoda. Good news! There are many seasoned student ministry vets out. Find them. You would be wise to spend some time with them and join their communities. You can learn a ton from these people.

However, I have one piece of advice. There are some vets out there who are venomously bitter. To be blunt, don’t spend a lot of time with these people. Bitterness is like the flu. It’s highly contagious. Protect yourself from bitterness because it will rob you of joy.

4. Make a Commitment

While interviewing for my first job, I told the leadership that I would commit to five years. Later, there were a few times that I wanted to kick myself for saying that. In the end, I kept my word and I’m very glad that I did.

I needed time to work out who I am, what I believe, and my approach to student ministry. You can’t figure this stuff out in a class or even a year on the job. It takes time and practice. It’s takes trial and error.

My encouragement for anyone who is early in their student ministry is to buckle down and stay put. Work hard and learn. Use this time to figure out your strengths, weaknesses and ministry philosophy. Understanding yourself will lead to greater effectiveness whether you stay in your current position for decades or if you decide you need to move on.

How to Misinterpret God’s Will

What college should I go to? Should I marry Bill? Should I take the job in Delaware? Decisions can be so confusing and we as Christians often struggle with making good decisions in light of God’s will. Does God want me to marry Bill? How do I know?

I happen to be pretty opinionated when it comes to God’s will. I think a lot of people over-spiritualize God’s will. Here are three traps to watch out for when it comes to discerning God’s will in your life.

GIMME A SIGN

When I was in high school my church was struck by lighting and burned to the ground. No joke. That actually happened. I’ll never forget standing in the parking lot watching the inferno. The blaze was so compelling that my friends and I actually abandoned a Red Wings playoff game to witness the destruction.

Hardly anyone would say that God was mad at my church and therefore smote it. And yet, many people try to interpret the circumstances of their life in this way. “I opened my Bible and saw the word marriage. That means I should marry Bill.” Nope. The last time I remember hearing about God speaking to people this way a dude was running around in camel clothes and eating bugs. I’m not saying God doesn’t speak that way anymore but I think it is a little dangerous to make major decisions based on signs.

DON’T MUDDY THE WATERS

Here’s the thing, God already gave us His Will. It’s called the Bible. In the pages of scripture God has already laid out the answer to most of life’s questions.

“Should I marry Bill?”

“Is he a follower of Jesus?”

“Uh…not exactly.”

“Nope.”

One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard was this: “Don’t try to make unclear what has already been made clear.” If you really are interested in living out God’s will then study God’s letter to you because the answers to most of your questions have already been clarified.

Going Solo

Most bad decisions are often made in a vacuum. If your parents, friends and small group all think marrying Bill is a bad idea…it’s probably a bad idea.

God exists in community—Father, Son and Holy Spirit. God created us to reflect His nature. We as humans reflect God best when we live in community.

Jesus left us with the Spirit and the Church. The word church literally means assembly or gathering. We, as humans are simply better when we submit to community. We were designed for it.

Your family, friends and Jesus community know you. They can see your blind spots. If they don’t think marrying Bill is a good idea, you should listen to them. Together as a community we uncover what God’s will is. Attempting to do this alone is dangerous.

So, that’s my opinion on understanding God’s will. You don’t have to agree with me but I’d love to hear your thoughts on these ideas. Oh, and sorry if your name is Bill.

My College Transition Curriculum

Look, I’m not famous or anything but I did develop a college transition curriculum. Well, actually, I borrowed most of it but it’s still pretty awesome. I’ve been perfecting it for a few years now. Below is this year’s version. You’re welcome to use some or all of it. Check it out.

KICKOFF

We play a trivia game about college. My slideshow is as basic as they come but the point is to get students thinking about the next phase of their life. After playing the trivia game we set the stage for the year–talking through our topics and generally getting the students amped about their senior year. Here’s the slideshow:

[Show as slideshow]

FIRST SEMESTER

Our entire first semester is devoted to Donald Miller’s Storyline workbook. It’s a great journey for graduating seniors. The book generates a ton of great conversation and helps the students think through their gifting, God’s mission and what a meaningful life looks like.

JANUARY

We’ll spend January going through a few key concepts from Andy Stanley’s The Principle of the Path. I think this book is perfect for helping students understand how the decisions they make over the next few years will be connected to the rest of their lives.

FEBRUARY

1. Leaders Share: Our small group leaders share their post high school experiences, offering advice on colleges, majors, partying, money, friends and whatever else they feel like talking about.

2. Money, School Loans and Debt: My approach is to help students understand what their lives will actually be like if they take on a heavy debt load. My goal is that anyone who is paying for school on their own would think seriously about cheaper options.

MARCH

1. Graduates Share: Recent graduates return to LifeLine to talk about what their college experiences have been like. I ask them to talk about money, finding a new church or campus ministry, partying and whatever advice they have for our current seniors.

2. Senior Sneak: This is our retreat designed for seniors. It includes a whole lot of fun and 3 senior specific teachings. Sorry, the content and location are secret.

APRIL

1. Understanding God’s Will: How do you make decisions based on God’s design, plans and calling?

2. Dating, Marriage and Divorce: How exactly to you end up happily married?

Well that’s my curriculum for this year. I firmly believe that helping students transition well begins with helping them ask the right questions and engage in the right conversations. This curriculum is designed to spur on these conversations. In the context of small groups that have been together for 4-7 years and an invested adult mentor, these conversations can be very powerful.

Transition is my passion so if you have ideas I’d love to hear them!

Where Real Sex Begins

I read in a book one time that sex starts in the kitchen. Umm…what? Personally, I believe that real sex–meaningful sex the way it was designed to be experienced–begins long before a look or a kiss or anything like that. Let me explain.

A MIRROR

I think healthy and meaningful sexuality begins with looking in the mirror. It starts with being satisfied with who you are. Am I comfortable with who is looking back at me? Too many people use sex as a way to feel good about themselves.

“He wants me. That must mean I am valuable.”

“She is willing to give herself to me. That must mean I am worthy. “

Sex will never be meaningful if we aren’t at peace with who we are. It begins with understanding our identity in Christ. As beloved creatures of the creator, we have already been declared to be beautiful and good. As redeemed sons and daughters we have already been told that we are loved and valuable.

Sex could never make you more valuable or loved than you already are. Sex was not meant to make us feel these things. Using sex as a tool to feel better about yourself is dangerous and ultimately pointless. Misusing sex actually makes you feel worse about yourself.

Real sex begins by looking in the mirror and understanding who you are in Jesus—not only understanding but becoming comfortable and at peace with your declared value and worth. Only from this place can you experience sex as it was meant to be experienced.

A FENCE

God designed sex. Whoa…that’s a weird thought. But, it’s a true. Sinful humans didn’t invent sex. Sex isn’t dirty or gross. It’s good and beautiful. In fact, sex is beautiful because it was God who invented it and gave it to us as a gift.

With all that said, sex is also incredibly dangerous because God designed it for a specific context. According to the biblical account, sex is for marriage and nowhere else. And, the biblical writers gave us a bazillion warnings about misusing sex.

Why? Because God designed sex as a way to forever cement two people together. Sex literally and symbolically unites two people—physically, emotionally and spiritually. There is no going back on the union either. “Just kidding” or “oops” doesn’t do anything to erase the connection.

I have also seen evidence of this reality in the people around me. I have never met anyone who is actually happy about having sex before they were married. All I’ve ever seen and heard is massive regret.

I’ve seen many marriages struggle and end in divorce because of sexual baggage. I’ve talked to guys who are terrified to tell the girl they intend to marry about their sexual past. I’ve talked with people who can’t stop comparing their spouse with previous sexual partners.

Real sex begins with a fence. We need boundaries. Why? Because God designed sex for marriage and when we use it in any other way we invite pain, regret and brokenness. It isn’t that God is trying to rob us of fun. It’s that He wants us to experience life, meaning and joy.

Real sex starts with a mirror and a fence.

Image Credited to susivnh

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