Everyone knows that all great student ministry small groups start off with “highs and lows” or some variation of it. Some call them “best and worst,” “roses and thorns” some “wows and pows,” “mountains and valleys,” and others “poops and giggles”–an unsanctioned “craps and laughs” has even weaseled it’s way into popular usage much to the chagrin of conservative youth workers everywhere. Also, more linguistically sophisticated youth groups employ “waxes and wanes.” Actually, that’s a lie. I don’t believe that archaic wording has been seen since 1884.
If you’re unfamiliar with the concept, the idea behind “highs and lows” is that each student shares the high and low points of their week. This exercise is incredibly important because how else could Billy share about his great aunt Mabel’s bunion issue or how could Sally’s tell of her cat’s untimely end in the neighborhood cul-de-sac.
On a more serious note, “highs and lows” is actually a genius technique for leading a small group. It creates space for each student to share and employed over time the exercise creates an atmosphere of honesty and support. If you’re not utilizing it in your small group I won’t tell anyone of your noobitrocity but you should get on it!
A few months ago I decided to employ “highs and lows” in my family. We began to share our “wow and pows” at every evening meal. I fancy it to be a mini-small group time. My kids are young–7, 5, 3, 1 so, sometimes the sharing is a little ridiculous. Here are a few quotes: “My high is that I won a monkey at school.” “My high is that Parker asked me to marry him.” “My low for today was that I peed my pants at school…again.”
Sometimes sanctioned “highs and lows” protocol is broken. For example, my 3 year old hasn’t exactly grasped the difference between highs and lows so he always refers to the worst part of his day as his “high” which sets of a cacophony of laughter and well meaning corrections from my oldest son who is immensely concerned with exactness of procedure. He’s a perfectionist in the making.
After the laughter has quieted, a second break in protocol arises. My oldest daughter, who shall remain anonymous is rather rambly. They say that in a typical day women use twice as many words as men. Well, I am sure that my daughter uses roughly four or five times that amount. She has the amazing gift of being able to stretch a short story into an incredibly long affair. She’s sort of like a Hobbit movie in that way.
As a typical dinner goes, she will begin to share what her low of the day was and my oldest son, who you may recall is concerned with exactness and specificity as well as succinctness and accuracy interrupts the story with a shorter and more correct rendering of the tale before she has finished. Everyone knows that interrupting another’s “high” or “low” is a serious procedural infraction.
Now, along with being exceptionally wordy, my oldest daughter is also an Olympic level tantrumist. Yes, she can go from zero to flail in just under 3 seconds. Her tale now highjacked by her accuracy minded brother, my daughter will presently throw herself to the kitchen floor and flail about for several exceptionally loud moments. At this point, the meal is either ruined or we take a 5 minute recess to regroup. This is essentially what happens every time we do “highs and lows” at the Buer house.
All in all, I must say that I plan to continue using “highs and lows” at our evening meal from now until I’m too weak or senile to boss my kids around. What I love is that my kids are learning to share honestly with each other and with us. I also know that community isn’t built overnight. It takes investment and time. Over and over again I’ve seen 6th grade small groups that from the outside appears to be a WWE cage match, and yet that same group in the late years of high school is transformed into a beautiful picture of what grownup church ought to be.
The truth is that you can’t have the honesty, love and commitment without first going through the cage match. Real community is forged in the wrestling and stories of aunt Mabel’s bunion and the dead cat cul-de-sac. It takes time. And, that’s exactly why I’m going to keep plugging away with “highs and lows” at the dinner table. Although, a pair of ear plugs for the tantrums may not be a bad idea.
image credited to Amanda Tipton
