I have to be honest, 2013 was not my favorite year. In fact, it may have been the most disappointing year of my life. To be sure, there were plenty of high points. I absolutely love my wife and kids and really enjoyed our time together in 2013. We had a great year with vacations, school and life as usual. Also, this year I was blessed with the opportunity to lead our high school ministry and so far it has been a fantastic year of ministry. We added 5 staff to our team this year which has been an adventure. And yet, as I look back over 2013 one event casts a dark cloud over the rest of the year: Our failed adoption.
Over the last few years, I have become more and more involved in partnering with local churches and ministries in Ukraine in order to reach out to and serve orphans. In that time my family and I fell in love with Ukrainian orphan kids and even decided to adopt a girl who stole our hearts. We worked incredibly hard to find partners, raise money, secure the necessary documents, and prepare our family. God opened doors and the impossible repeatedly became possible. She was so happy to join our family and we were so excited to adopt her. The adoption process was such a difficult but amazing ride until our dreams crashed when our girl suddenly changed her mind about wanting to leave Ukraine. She was manipulated by her orphanage director who was more interested in money than her future. He convinced her that she belonged in Ukraine and that she needed to stay and take care of her alcoholic mother who had abandoned her years ago.
We did everything we could to persuade her but nothing worked. And then, after the deadline for her adopt-ability passed, her mother committed suicide. It was a terrible time and I’ll never forget holding this poor girl last summer as she cried and cried, wishing she could undo her decision to stay in Ukraine. I’ve never experienced such heartbreak.
The adoption journey has been hard on me. I still wrestle with why God allowed this to happen. Clearly, He is the Father to the fatherless and calls His people to love orphans. We were simply trying to follow in the path of Jesus and it didn’t work out. Why didn’t He show up and fix this? I don’t think I’ll ever know. But what I do know is that the world is more broken than I originally supposed. There is darkness here that can’t be glossed over. This world needs restoration. I used to be satisfied with this broken world because my life was easy and comfortable. All that changed in 2013.
Never again will I be satisfied with this world. It’s broken. Millions of people are hurting, lost, without clean water, without parents and love, without hope. My prayer for 2014 is that Jesus would return and restore this broken place. To be honest, I didn’t used to be terribly concerned about Jesus coming back. I’ve always enjoyed life. Now I realize how messed up this world is.
And until Jesus restores all things, may the Church rise up and serve and love. May we represent Jesus well and may we work toward the restoration that is coming. My hope for this year is that we would become more engaged in suffering. That we, as God’s people, would become less comfortable and more mission-minded. We are the agents of restoration in this world. Let’s get to work.
