Today’s post is the third installment in a series about talking to female students about sexuality. As I began my talk I asked the girls if I could practice a conversation on them that I planned to have with my own daughters. If you’re starting to think I’m a creeper you might want to check out days one and two and or check my Facebook to confirm that I do in fact have my own daughters.
If you want to see you dreams come true in terms of relationships and love you must first answer these questions: “Who am I?” and “What do I want? The final question you need to be able to answer is this:
How Do Guys Think?
It’s all well and good to understand who you are and what you want but if you don’t understand how guys think you’ll spend most of your time being confused by how we act toward you.
- We are Physically and Visually Oriented
Here’s the first thing you have to understand about guys: we are visually and physically oriented. Women, as you already know, are relationally and emotionally oriented. Let me illustrate how this works in dating. Imagine yourself walking along the beach during a beautiful sunset with a guy who you are attracted to. He is looking deeply into your eyes, speaking softly, using words like, “love, “beautiful” and “forever.” What happens to you in the moment? You forget where you are, your heart starts to do that butterfly thing and you feel a warmth creep from your toes to your hair and you are completely lost in the moment. In fact, if you’re not careful you are liable to do something you regret. In other words, the atmosphere, words, attention and romance sweep you away and make you more likely to do something dumb.
It’s totally different for a guy. Do you want to know what sweeps him away and makes him more likely to do something dumb? Two things: your body and…your body. OK, that’s only one thing but you get the point. Look I know it sounds weird or maybe you think it is gross but the truth is, this is how God created us. We are obsessed with you and specifically your body. You have power over us. The more that your body is exposed and the closer it is to us the dumber we get.
So, the moral of the story is this: if you don’t want to cross your boundaries tell him to shut up when he uses the “L” word and wear as many clothes as you can. But seriously, just understand the differences in the way we are wired. When there are candles and he’s speaking to you lovingly, you get dumber. When your body is close to his and you are kissing him, he gets dumber. If you aren’t married both of these scenarios can be dangerous. If you are married it’s really quite awesome.
- We Don’t Want to be Chased
Here’s another thing that guys want: to conquer you. I don’t mean that in any sort of gross or sexual way. I mean that a guy wants to pursue you and win your heart. I always tell people that I dated my wife for a full year before she started dating me back. She played hard to get and that was a really good thing.
All I can say is that, the kind of guy who will treasure you forever is the kind of guy who has the confidence and moral capacity to pursue you. The kind of guy who won’t love you in the way you deserve doesn’t have the strength to pursue you. He is a sissy and you don’t want to end up with him. The reverse of this is also true, the kind of guy who will love you forever doesn’t want to be chased by a girl because girls like that are not worthy of respect. See also Potipher’s wife. A man wants to treasure a woman who is worthy of respect and love. So, if you’re chasing after a guy who you like…stop it. Trust me. If he is the kind of guy who is worth your time, he will pursue you.
Tomorrow, I’ll finish this series with a few thoughts on traps that can derail a girl and keep her from her dreams.
