What Exactly Are Students Walking Away From?

We’ve all read the numbers.  We all get a little panicky when we think about how many students are walking away from church.  If the numbers are true, we’re facing a very serious problem because what we’re doing as parents and youth workers is not working.  We must grapple with one very difficult question:  why are students walking away from church after high school?

Maybe I’m over simplifying the issue but I think the answer is very easy.  Students aren’t walking away from church.  It’s not that the statistics are wrong.  Barna and Fuller have their numbers right.  That isn’t it at all.  And yet, I believe that students aren’t walking away from church.  They never belonged to church in the first place.  They’re walking away from something else entirely.

 

WHAT IS CHURCH?                                    

What is church?  That’s a really good question.  Personally, I think it’s best to define church by what I read in the New Testament.  Church is the Jesus community.  It’s a people bonded together by the presence, love and mission of Jesus.

The church is marked by the presence of Jesus.  There is something to be experienced in the church that cannot be experienced anywhere else.  The experience is different because Jesus is Immanuel.  The presence of God is with us.  Lives are being transformed.  Light is shining into darkness.  Life is breathed into death.  Hope is breaking forth in the midst of tragedy.

The church is defined by love.  The Jesus community shocked the world and overthrew an empire with love.  The Jesus community transformed the world in a few short centuries through inclusion, radical service, and care for the oppressed and forgotten.  Where the Gospel is preached and lived the world can never be the same.

The church is defined by the mission of Jesus.  The church is inviting people to follow Jesus.  It’s not asking people to join a club.  It’s not trying to fill seats in a building.  It’s inviting people to follow the most compelling person who ever walked the soil of this planet.  The church is inviting people into the restoration of the world through the Gospel of Jesus.

 

WHAT ARE STUDENTS WALKING AWAY FROM?

This is the church.  Students aren’t walking away from this.  People don’t walk away from the church.  It is far too magnetic.  The true church—defined by the presence, love and mission of Jesus is incredibly compelling.  It transforms lives, communities, cultures and nations.   Our students are walking away from something else entirely.

Maybe the problem is not that students are walking away.  In fact, they might be doing us a favor by pointing out the real problem.  Perhaps the problem is that we aren’t being the church.  Maybe we as parents, pastors and church leaders need to look in the mirror and ask ourselves some hard questions.  What exactly are we doing anyway?

 

Speaking Light

I grew up going to church from a young age.  As a little kid we used to sing this old song.  Perhaps you know it.  It goes like this:

“This little light of mine. I’m gonna let it shine.  Hide it under a bushel.  No!  I’m gonna let it shine.”

Like most songs I sang as a kid I had no idea what this song was about.  First off, what the heck is a bushel?  I actually thought the word was bush which was weird because I kept imagining sticking a candle in a bush and watching the whole thing burst into flames…which of course would have been awesome.

Mostly, I just enjoyed shouting “NO! I’m gonna let it shine!” as loudly as I could.  All little kids love shouting “NO!”

I learned much later that this goofy old song actually has roots in the Bible and coincidentally has nothing to do with setting stuff on fire.  The words actually come from Jesus.   In what scholars call the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said these words to his followers:

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 

YOU ARE THE LIGHT

Jesus often referred to Himself as the light of the world, which makes sense because He is the Messiah. Through Him is forgiveness and life and peace with God.  He is the hope of the world.

But here, Jesus refers to His followers as the light of the world.  Essentially, he’s saying to you and me—you are the light of the world.  Wait what?  How does this work?  Because I don’t know about you but I don’t often feel like a light.

According to Jesus, I do have something to offer.  You do too.  Why?  Because we have a relationship with the Savior.  We know the Messiah.  The truth is that you’ve experienced Jesus in ways no one else has.  Jesus has shown up in your life in ways that He hasn’t shown up in mine.

The way you’ve experienced Jesus is something no one else knows—unless you talk about it.  You see, talking about Jesus and what He has done for you is a way of being a light.

WE NEED EACH OTHER

The truth is, we need each other.  We were not meant to pursue Jesus alone.  Community is crucial.

Recently, I realized that every significant decision in my life—every significant moment of spiritual growth, came out of a conversation.

  • I learned that God loves me and wants to rescue me because someone told me
  • I stopped manipulating girls in dating relationships because a friend explained to me the damage I was doing and how to stop it.
  • I pursued student ministry because someone told me that I could be a good youth pastor.

All the significant growth moments of my life began with a conversation.

I understand what Jesus was talking about with this whole “light and city on a hill” thing because I’ve experienced it—I’ve seen how it works in my life.  The words of God’s people can be a light to the people around them.

 

HEARING LIGHT

So, who is speaking light into your life?  Are you hearing more light or darkness from your friends?  Are there Jesus followers who you could become closer with?  We all need to hear some light.

The times in my life when I have struggled the most are the times in which I didn’t have friends and mentors speaking light into my life.  The times I was too lazy or stubborn to pursue community were the times I drifted away from God.

Who is speaking light into your life?

 

SPEAKING LIGHT

My second question is this:  who are you speaking light to?  Going back to Jesus’ words from the Sermon on the Mount.

Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

 

You have something meaningful and special.  Share it!  Don’t hide it!  The truth is, the world needs you.  You have something that no one can argue with.  It’s your experience with Jesus.  The ways He has brought life, healing and purpose to your life is something we need to hear about.

We weren’t meant to pursue Jesus alone.  It’s impossible.  We need each other.  The Jesus community is not as strong as it should be without you speaking up.  We need to hear your story.  We need to hear your encouragement.  We need you to challenge us.

Shine your light.  The world needs you.  We need you.

 

image credited to nuwandalice

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New LifeLine Video: Mission Trips Reveal

This week we revealed our summer mission trips to our student and volunteers with a ridiculous video.  I mean, how else would you do it?

Announcement: Knapp & Cascade Mission Trips from LifeLine Student Ministries on Vimeo.

This year we are hoping to send 270 students on mission trips.  That’s way too much paper! Have you noticed that some mission organizations require a tree’s worth of paperwork?  Thankfully, our resident web genius, Jon VerLee designed this registration page for us which streamlines the process and saves the rainforest.

LifeLine Missions Registrations

 

If you are a youth worker, when and how do you reveal your mission trips?  Also, how do you do registrations and collect paperwork?

 

Cancel Sunday School

Delorean badge. Cannon Beach Ferrari Show

What would you do if you could go back in time and undo something in your student ministry?  Maybe you’d undo your youth group name, “BOB”—Bunch of Believers.  Or perhaps you’d like a mulligan on that youth room color scheme that was so hip back in ’83 “when you could still throw a football over them mountains.”

Want to know what I would go back and undo?  Sunday morning programs.  No, not all the church services!  Sheesh, I’m not that crazy.  I’m talking about high school programming.  Let me explain.

When I launched out as a youth pastor ten years ago, I inherited a Sunday morning high school program that was on life support.  My superiors charged me with bringing it back to life so that’s what we did.  By the end of my first year we had grown the attendance by 80%.  At first, I assumed that this reflected how awesome our high school program was—and by extension how awesome I was as the youth pastor.

Our Sunday morning program was so epic that students liked it much better than the adult church services.   I began to notice that the students would either sneak back into our junior high program the following hour or jump in their cars and hit up the local coffee shop.  Very few of them were attending the adult church service.  I was so blinded by the numbers and the positive attention I was getting from leadership that I never bothered to think through the ramifications of what was happening.

Even worse, when I heard students complaining about how boring the adult services were, I kind of liked it because what I was hearing was, “What you do is awesome.  What they do is boring.”  Call me a jerk, but I like to be awesome.

After a few years (I’m a slow learner) the flaw in my approach finally dawned on me—like a pile-driver to the face.  I realized that when our seniors, who had been regularly attending our high school program but not the main services, graduated from our ministry they disappeared.  Sometimes they found a church that better suited their tastes but more often than not they peaced out from church all together.  This is one of the great regrets of my life.

When students walk away from faith, we as youth workers are quick to blame the student, parents or culture.  “Well, I’m sorry but he shouldn’t have been hanging out with those guys.”  “His parents were just clueless!”  “Our culture is just so messed up, it’s practically impossible for kids to stay committed these days.”

Although it’s much more painful, I think it’s far more valuable to look in the mirror and to evaluate our structures and programs.  The logical reason my students were walking away from church is that I was training my students to walk away from church.  How?  I was isolating them from the church services and community.  When they graduated from my ministry they didn’t possess the tools or desire to integrate into the larger body.  For many, this was the end of church.

So what would I do if I indeed did have DeLorean?  I’m glad you asked:

  • cancel Sunday morning high school programming
  • encourage high school students to attend church with their families
  • encourage students to serve in the children’s ministry/junior high/larger church body (if you have 2 or more hours of Sunday morning services)
  • refocus high school youth group programming to Sunday night or Wednesday night
  • build the high school youth program around solid teaching and adult mentor relationships

That’s it.  Oh, and if you do happen to have a DeLorean…CALL ME.

Why You Might not Enjoy Talking to Jesus

Growing up, I understood Jesus to sort of be this smiley, tousle your hair grandfather figure.  I imaged that talking to Jesus would be like talking to my great grandfather who was fond of gifting me with loose M&Ms out of his shirt pocket as he dished out depression era wisdom.  I’ve since learned how weird the M&M thing was and how different Jesus is from my childhood imaginings.

YEAH BUT THOSE HUSBANDS THO…

Recently I reread the Gospels and noticed that Jesus was actually rather awkward in his conversations.  What I mean is that He was blunt…really blunt.

One of my favorite scenes of the Gospels is when Jesus talks with the woman at the well.  After offering her living water that will never leave her thirsty he says something you just don’t say to someone.

“Go, call your husband and come back.”

I have no husband,” she replied.

“You are right when you say you have no husband.  The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband.”

If Jesus’ disciples had been around during this conversation, I imagine they would have pulled Jesus aside and whispered, “You gotta stop.  This is uncomfortable!”

And, I love the woman’s response, “’Sir,’ the woman said, ‘I can see that you are a prophet.'”

I’m about as far as it gets from a linguistic expert but my translation of the Greek is basically, “OH CRAP!”  Her past has been exposed and she’s uncomfortable.  What is it about Jesus?  Why does he dig like this?

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

In the Gospel of Matthew there is another awkward conversation in which Jesus asks hard questions.

When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”

They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”

“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”

If I were one of the disciples I would have probably slipped into a nearby cave.  What’s up with Jesus being so blunt?

TREASURE IN HEAVEN

In what I would consider to be the most awkward conversation in the Gospels, a young man runs up to Jesus and asks how to get eternal life.  Jesus tells him he should obey the commandments.  The young man responds by saying he is.  Then Jesus drops an awkward bomb.

Looking at him, Jesus felt a love for him and said to him, “One thing you lack: go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”

Uh…what?  Is there a baby step option here?

THIS IS FOR YOU

One thing I know from reading the Gospels is that Jesus is always about others.  Everything that he does and says is for the benefit of the people around him.  So, there has to be significance to his awkward bluntness.  Maybe it’s that Jesus knows that there is no growth without honesty.  There is no transformation without truly looking in the mirror.  There can’t be freedom without understanding what it is that has you in bondage.

Every awkward conversation I referenced was an opportunity for growth.  Jesus forces the woman at the well to admit who she really is.  Jesus demands that his followers admit what they really think and believe and Jesus reveals to the young man that he is a slave to money.

I used to believe it was better to mind my own business and I hated it when friends bluntly identified inconsistencies in my life.  Now, I’m realizing that maybe awkwardness leads to maturity and bluntness might just be spiritual.

 

image credited to cowfish

 

Life According to Oregon Trail

As a kid in elementary school, I lived for one thing: Oregon Trail.  I’m not sure I learned anything in the classroom because my mind was constantly wandering off to the computer lab.  Nothing my teachers had to say remotely measured up to the captivating power of Oregon Trail.  I was obsessed with this game and learned some key life lessons from playing it.

I learned that life is hard.

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I learned that hunting is easy.

oregon-trail

I learned that the West isn’t nearly as beautiful as you might have supposed.

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But most of all, I learned that there is something transformational about a journey.

oregon-trail

My favorite kind of story is a travel story.  I can’t put down books like Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller.  I planned my own personal hiking adventure 14 times during A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson.  For days I debated whether or not I could build a time machine after reading about Lewis and Clark in Undaunted Courage by Stephen Ambrose.  Oh, and let’s not forget about those few months when I considered selling it all and buying a vintage sail boat while reading, Sailing Alone Around the World by Joshua Slocum—which is a must read by the way.  There is something about an epic journey that captivates in a way no other story can.

I guess I should redefine my obsession with journeys a little.  I love reading and fantasizing about journeys but I’m actually rather uncomfortable with them in real life.  This whole thing about overcoming conflict to get what you want is sort of annoying.  The truth is, I want to overcome conflict right now.  Actually, I’d rather not have any conflict at all.  I’d much prefer to get what I want right when I want it without any sort of conflict.

And yet, I’m beginning to understand that a journey without conflict is rather like a trip to the supermarket.  It lacks meaning.  Why?  Because it doesn’t involved conflict.  An old lady stealing your favorite parking spot doesn’t qualify as conflict.

In our culture, we’ve grown accustomed to bypassing or removing all conflict from our lives.  We are obsessed with safety and comfort. Don’t get wrong, I appreciate safety and I enjoy a good recliner as much as the next guy but I’m starting to think that removing all possibility of conflict isn’t exactly a good thing.

The truth is that conflict makes you a better person.  Conflict provides opportunity for growth that otherwise wouldn’t exist.  When my wife and I attempted to adopt an orphan teenager from Ukraine we began a long and exhausting journey that ultimately ended in failure and heartbreak.  You might say, we never made it to Oregon.  Our covered wagon was swept away in an attempt to ford the Mississippi.  If you missed this story, you can start it here.

Stories have the power to deeply move us and some of the most meaningful stories end tragically–think Romeo and Juliet.  Sometimes the protagonist doesn’t get what he wants.  Sometimes Jenny repeatedly returns to her destructive path and Forrest loses her.  The thing is, the story isn’t less meaningful because it didn’t end happily.  In fact, you could make an argument that it is more meaningful because it didn’t.

Our adoption story is packed with meaning even though it didn’t end the way we wanted.  Because of the pain we’ve grown in meaningful ways  Because of our adoption journey we became more compassionate and more resilient.  Our children’s eyes were open to the plight of orphans and they began to respond with compassion themselves.  Our faith was tested but in the end we learned to trust God more than ever before.

All this is to say that the journey is worth the price–whether you make it to Oregon or not.  Who you are on the other side is worth effort and the pain. There is meaning in the conflict.  Whether you overcome the conflict or not, there is transformation in the journey.

 

image credited to oblomberg

How Love Overthrew an Empire

A few weeks ago we finished up a series on influence that we called Wakes.  I loved the imagery that Al, our production coordinator used for this series.  We borrowed (with permission) footage from a friend’s wake boarding Vimeo page and added text and music to it.  The combination of Johnny Cash and wake boarding ended up being pretty boss.  I was really happy with how the entire series turned out.

Wakes Bumper from LifeLine Student Ministries on Vimeo.

 

One of my favorite teachings from this series was on love and how the early Christians essentially overthrew a repressive empire without the use of force.  Check it out:

 

Wakes – Love from LifeLine Student Ministries on Vimeo.

Tenacious Mothering

Somehow my daughter turned 21 a few days ago.  I still don’t really understand how this happened but I can assure you it has nothing to do with me getting older.

When I announced to a close friend that Melanie was going out that evening to celebrate she shocked me with a question I didn’t know how to answer

“Did you tell her not to take a drink from anyone she doesn’t know?”  “Well, no…I didn’t tell her that.”  “Because you never know what someone could put in a drink before they give it to her…”

Needless to say, I freaked out and left my daughter a long impassioned voicemail that went something like this:

“Don’t take drinks from strangers and don’t ever go to the bathroom by yourself and don’t drink anything that is made in a garbage can or a bath tub and don’t do shots because they make you stupid and don’t drive even if you’ve only had a few drinks and don’t go anywhere with anyone you don’t know and most guys you meet in a bar are trying to figure out how to get in your pants!”

Yes, I panicked.  My sweet little innocent baby girl was going out into the world and I wasn’t sure if I had said everything that I needed to say so I just opened up the fire hose and left nothing to chance.

The good news is that I haven’t left much unsaid over the last 21 years.  I was always the mom who said the weird awkward things.  I talked to her about sex and boyfriends.  I talked to her about catfights and how boys really think.  I talked to her about what it feels like to have your heart broken.  I talked to her about being resilient.   I was open and honest and brought anything that she tried to keep in the dark out in the light.   Sometimes it went really well and sometimes it was messy and ugly.  But either way we talked about it.

So whether you have a 1 year old or a 21 year old, my advice is this:  start talking.  Whatever age you think you should start talking to your kids about sex, partying and friends—start earlier than that.   If you have a teenager, start now.  Be weird, creepy, and awkward.  At least they’ll know what creepy sounds like when they run into it.

Ask them questions even if you’re afraid to know the answers.  I know it’s a tough idea to implement but be persistent and relentless and for crying out loud man up!  No one ever said parenting would be easy.  If your kid isn’t ticked off at you at least 30% of the time you’re probably not doing it right.

Trust me when I say that down the road your kids will appreciate your intrusiveness.  A couple summers ago my husband and I dropped Melanie off at her first apartment in Chicago.  As we drove away I was shouting obnoxiously out the window “Don’t let a stranger carry your groceries!  Nothing good happens after midnight! Always park under a streetlight!”  And on and on until we wear out of earshot.

She just smiled and waved and I was sure she knew how tenaciously I love her.

Christina

 

Guest Blogger:  Christina Thelen has been serving in student ministry for over 8 years and has been tenaciously mothering for over 21.  When she isn’t volunteering with students she can usually be found planning epic events or posting cat pictures to Facebook.