Author: Aaron Buer

A little about me: I’ve been a student pastor for 12 years and currently serve as the student ministries pastor at Ada Bible Church in Grand Rapids, MI. Ada Bible is a multi-site church of about 9,000. Most of my time is devoted to leading my amazing team, writing curriculum, teaching, and trying to navigate the challenges of multi-site church. I absolutely love my job and the people I am blessed to serve with. I’m primarily a family guy. My wife and I have five incredibly awesome and unique kids. Most of my free time is devoted to them. When I can find time for me, I love beach volleyball, writing, fishing, video games or a good book.

Dumb | Over Scheduled

This week I’m blogging about a presentation I gave to West Michigan area youth workers about the ten dumbest things I’ve ever done in student ministry.  Over the last few days, I’ve posted about the dangers of being a student ministry rock star and trying to be amazing at everything.   I’ve broken my dumb mistakes down into three categories:  burned out, ineffective and disqualified.  Here’s my #8 dumbest mistake:

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Burned Out

8.   Over Scheduled

When I began my first student ministry job, things in the high school ministry weren’t exactly firing on all cylinders.  They guy who was the youth pastor before me is a great guy but for whatever reason, he and the church didn’t click.  To put it bluntly, the high school ministry was basically dead when I was hired.  I felt an enormous amount of pressure to revive the ministry, so I went all in.  We’re talking three programs a week–all year long, two fun events a month, three retreats a year and 3 mission trips a year.  Oh yeah!  Maybe that doesn’t sound nuts to you, but it is.  Trust me.

Did my approach work?  You bet!  The attendance jumped up, the church leadership and parents were pumped, it was a huge win…for a while.  Then, I completely fried.  I exhausted myself.  The truth is, no one can maintain a schedule like that.

I distinctly remember the moment when I realized how over-committed and exhausted I was.  It was a Sunday morning.  I was sitting at my kitchen table in a panic because in a mere two hours, I would stand before 100+ students and preach a sermon I didn’t have.  I had no plan whatsoever.  I had been so busy during the week that I hadn’t studied, written or practiced anything.  This was bad.

Needless to say, that Sunday morning sucked.  In the aftermath, as I came to terms with the fact that I had neglected my most important duty, I finally realized that I needed to cut back.  I had created a monster I couldn’t maintain.  Yes, the student ministry was rocking but the pace and schedule had crushed my soul.

The thing about profound exhaustion is that it doesn’t go away overnight.  When you are exhausted on a soul level, you need a season of rest.  Sadly, I couldn’t recover in the role I was in.  In the end, I quit and took a new job that had a much smaller focus.  My new job was team oriented and specialized.  Also, the student ministry wasn’t schedule heavy.  The sad thing is, the church I left is a great church, with solid leadership and great people.  I was the one who created the problem with my unrealistic expectations and over-committed schedule.

If I could do it all over again, I would use one word to govern my student ministry practices;  sustainability.  A sustainable pace and schedule is absolutely crucial to longevity in ministry, and longevity is crucial to effective ministry.  I firmly believe that great student ministry takes years to grow.  Our students desperately needs pastors and volunteers who will commit to them for years at a time.

Is your schedule sustainable? Are you sprinting toward exhaustion?  Cut back!  Slow down!  Great student ministry takes time to develop and what we do is far to important for us to burn out.  Take the long view and run at a sustainable pace.

 

image credited to Dafne Cholet via Flickr

Dumb | Amazing at Everything

This week I’m blogging about the dumbest stuff I’ve done in student ministry.  It’s my sly way of talking about what really matters.  I’ve broken down my big mistakes into three categories:  burning out, becoming ineffective and disqualifying yourself.  Yesterday, I posted about the dangers of becoming a student ministry rock star.  Here’s my #9 dumbest mistake…

dumb

Burned Out

9.  Amazing at Everything

I’ve always been a bit of a control freak, and I love the spotlight.  Because of this, in my early days of student ministry, I did everything.  I was the teacher, worship leader, volunteer coordinator, keeper of the budget, leader, event planner, strategist, counselor and basically everything else.  I guess I just thought that a youth pastor should do all these things.  Maybe you’ve been there.  Maybe you’re still there.

It took me a while to learn, but eventually, I discovered that I’m not awesome that all of these things.  Shocker.  I’m a little slow, I guess.  Let’s just say, I was one of the last to learn what was obvious to everyone else.

Honestly, no one is amazing at all of these roles.  I discovered that I’m only an A+ at one or two.  In some of them, I’m a solid B and a few I’m an F–I mean just turrible.  The trouble is that because I was trying to be amazing at everything, I was amazing at nothing.  My Fs were Fs, my Bs became Cs and my A+s became Bs.  In other words, the student ministry wasn’t as strong as it should have been because I was trying to do too much.

Where were the volunteers you ask?  Good question.  They were there, patiently waiting for me to give them something meaningful to do.  I kept the volunteers, and many of the students on the sidelines for too long.  When I finally woke up and began handing off meaningful roles, our student ministry became stronger, and my A+ strengths reemerged.  I admit it.  I was dumb.

Sometimes, the most important leadership lessons are hiding in plain sight, right in the Bible.

“So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up…” (Ephesians 4:11, 12)

Student ministry, or any ministry for that matter, will always be better when leaders equip others to do the work.  Also, when we focus on our A+ skill areas and empower gifted people to do the roles that we are weak in, everyone wins!

Why is it so difficult for many of us to learn this lesson?  I think there are two main reasons.  First, we too often find our identity and worth in our work.  When the spotlight is on us, we feel that the credit is clearly ours.  When our work defines us, we aren’t free to delegate and empower because to do so would mean that we are less valuable.

Secondly, we aren’t inviting feedback.  Many of us simply don’t know what we’re terrible at because we haven’t been told.  Honest feedback always makes us and our ministries better.  Who is giving you honest feedback?

If I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t be dumb.  I would focus on my two A+ roles, and empower others to do the work I struggle with.  The ministry would have been better and healthier much sooner.

 

 

Dumb | Rock Star

Recently, I spoke at a gathering of student ministry pastors and volunteers about what really matters in student ministry.  The thing is, nobody likes a “know it all”, so instead of talking from a pedestal of expertise or success, I talked about the top 10 dumbest things I’ve done in student ministry.  Let’s be real, people would rather hear fail stories than success stories.  Also, using your mistakes as a platform to talk about what really matters is a brilliant strategy.  Just admit it.

Anyway, I began with this idea:  What we do, as student ministry pastors and volunteers, is far too important for us to become burned out, ineffective, or disqualified.  Students deeply need good student ministries that connect them to Jesus and meaningful relationships with spiritual mentors.  We can’t screw this up!

So, thought I’d spend a few days sharing all the dumb things I’ve done.  Who’s pumped?!?!

Burned Out

10. You’re Not a Rock Star

Being a student pastor is a little like being a rock star.  Sure the stage is small and the audience’s brains are still developing, but being a rock star, even a small one, is exhilarating!  In fact, I’d go as far as to say that it’s intoxicating.

For me, my first student ministry role very quickly became the Aaron show.  It was all about me–my singing, my speaking, my events, my wisdom–me, me, me.  In a shocking twist, this wasn’t good for anyone, particularly me.  For one thing, I began to gauge my success in ministry based on claps and compliments.  Did they love my worship set?  Did they tell me afterward how amazing my talk was?  Was this the best event they’d ever been too?  If these things didn’t happen, then I would feel like I bombed.  And, if they did happen, then I felt like a rock star.  I’m telling you, this quickly led me to a bad place.

Now, I may sound like a horrible person to you right now, but this is a very real thing, especially for those of us who are natural entertainers or performers.  We don’t need any more examples of egotistical pastors falling from grace in American churches!  One common theme among all these fallen pastors is that they became rock stars.

What gets lost in the pastor as rock star phenomenon is Jesus.  Wait, isn’t this whole thing supposed to be about Him?  Well, yes, of course, but I found myself in a place where I was more interested in students falling in love with me than with students falling in love with Jesus.  I would have never verbalized this, but looking back, I know that it was true.

I know that some of you, who are serving in or leading student ministries, know exactly what I’m talking about.  The danger in all of this is that students would miss Jesus.  As good as it feels to be needed and esteemed, we need to be very careful here  What’s the solution?  Well, in my opinion, it’s community.  Invite your community into this conversation.  Give them the freedom to tell you if you are slipping into rock star mode.  Also, lead in community.  Invite others to serve in the rock star roles.  Don’t be the worship leader, teacher and game leader, and host.  Give a few of these roles to someone else.  Share the spotlight.  In doing so, you’ll take the focus off yourself an help put it back on what students really need, Jesus.  Besides, being a rock star, when you’re supposed to be a servant, does bad things to your soul.  Trust me on this one.

 

photo credited to Lloyd Dewolf via Flickr

You Don’t Have to be Terrible at Dating

Dating isn’t for the faint of heart.  It’s difficult and usually ends badly.  Recently, I did a teaching on how to win at dating. I hope you find it helpful.

Two quick things:

1. We break halfway through the video and have students read Scriptures together…in case you were wondering why it’s sort of Scripture empty.

2. The best line in this video was stolen from Andy Stanley.

Awkward Series: Gauges from Lifeline Student Ministries on Vimeo.

Just a Little Sex Talk

A few weeks ago, we launched our Awkward series.  This is a 4 week teaching series on sexuality.  We call it Awkward because talking with students about sex is, well, awkward.

Our kickoff teaching was one of my favorites of the year.  We focused on the story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife  the truth is that sometimes when we follow God’s design we get punished, at least for the short term.

I thought I would share my notes.  I’m also willing to share the entire 4 week series for an outlandish sum of money.  OK, actually, you can just have it.  Just email me.  Enjoy…

Awkward 1. Normal

Awkward_LOGO

 

We’re Hiring!

Hey Friends!

Ada Bible, the church were I work, is hiring!  We’re looking for a someone to lead worship at our Kentwood Campus and develop and oversee worship in our student ministry.  Yes indeed, this person would join our student ministry team, which, if I may be so bold, is probably the coolest and best looking student ministry team in the universe.  I mean, who doesn’t want to work in Lifeline?!?! Side note: Our worship arts team is actually pretty cool too.

Anyway, we are in the market for a talented musician and worship leader who wants to grow a worship culture and develop worship leaders.  If that’s you or you know of that person…you should probably apply.  Here’s a link to the job application and a basic description of what the job is:

This is a great opportunity to be part of the worship experience at Ada Bible Church for both weekend services and student ministries.

A person in this position will lead worship during weekend services while leading and developing teams to carry out the work of the worship arts ministry at the Kentwood Campus.

The role will also include collaborating with the Student Ministries team to design worship elements for Student Ministries programs and events. This will include recruiting, leading, and developing volunteer worship leaders for student ministries at all campuses.

 

The Conference I’ve Been Waiting For!

It’s no secret that I’m a big fan of reThink and the Orange Conference.  I think it’s the best conference out there for family ministry and student ministry.  I’m particularly excited about this year because of the focus of the conference.  The theme is “It’s Just a Phase.”  I’m talking about matching our content, environments and practices to the developmental stages our kids and students are experiencing.  These are strategies that my student ministry mentor, Brian has been instrumental in pioneering.  I’m pumped to see and hear how Orange expands and develops these ideas.

The thing is, many of us in the student ministry world are considered experts in our field and we love students but let’s be real, many of us are, well…old.  At the very least, we are a lot older than the students we lead and serve.  I don’t know about you, but these days I feel like I’m engaging in cross-cultural ministry.

In addition, so much research has come out in the last few years that enlightens us to the developmental process of children and teenagers.  I know the Orangesperts have been working hard, mining the best of this research.  I feel like this year’s conference is going to be a fire hose of important and incredibly relevant information.

I have it on good authority that the crew at reThink wanted OC14 to be all about contextualizing ministry to the developmental stages of children and students but they didn’t quite feel ready, which means that the content for this year’s conference is a couple years in the making.  In other words, it’s going to be awesome!

Just a heads up, if you register by February 19, you can score a $40 price break and receive a $50 credit at the Orange Store.  Hopefully I’ll see you there!

 

 

The Grossest Lifeline Video Ever

We place a big value on fun and laughter at Lifeline.  We spend time and resources doing our best to make these things happen.  We’ve made a bazillion videos, some hilarious and some, well…not.  You can make your own judgement here.  This year, we made a video for our snow camp that is just plain gross.  I mean it freaks me right out, but at the same time, it’s hilarious!  I can’t stop watching it but when I do it sort of makes me gag.  Well, at this point you might as well watch it…

Making A Meal from Lifeline Student Ministries on Vimeo.

What Our Students Are Waiting to Hear

Last night we kicked off a teaching series on sexuality.  We’re calling it, “The Awkward” series because talking about sex with students is, well, awkward.

Logo_V1

While I was landing my teaching last night, I experienced one of the highlights of my ministry year.  I began bringing my talk to a close by encouraging our students to think about their boundaries.  Specifically, I challenged them to verbalize their boundaries.  “Look, if you don’t tell him what your boundaries are, don’t blame him for crossing them!”

After this section, I turned my attention toward those in the room, students and small group leaders alike, who had boundaries.  Sadly, I think that is most of us.  The sexual tension created by our over-sexualized culture along with the extension of adolescence that most emerging adults experience, the task of perfect purity before marriage is practically impossible.  At the very least, I am realizing, we need to adjust our language.  We are often guilty of creating an unrealistic expectation for our students–an expectation, that when broken leads to unspeakable shame.

And so, I said to our students, “Many of you here tonight had boundaries.  At some point, maybe a few years ago, maybe last week, you found yourself in a situation and, well, you crossed some lines.  What do you do now?  Do you just throw in the towel?  ‘Well, I guess it’s too late for me.  I guess it doesn’t matter what I do.’  Is it too late for you?  Are you ruined?  I want to remind you that in the Gospel stories, every time Jesus encountered a person who had failed morally He responded with love and grace.  I’m not talking about little mistakes either.  He responded with kindness and grace to prostitutes and other people who had made a complete mess of their lives.  He never responded with guilt or anger.  Please understand that God loves you deeply.  He’s not angry.  He’s calling you back to Him and back to boundaries.  It is never to late to begin again.  It’s never too late to begin following God’s design again.”

As I spoke these words, I saw one of our girls in the audience burst into tears.  They weren’t tears of shame, they were tears of gratitude.  It was almost as if she had been waiting for someone to tell her that she was still OK, that she wasn’t ruined and that she had a future–that there was hope.  How long had she been carrying that weight of shame?  In that moment, I almost couldn’t continue.  I recognized the power of God’s grace intersecting with human brokenness.  It was a beautiful moment and I realized again, how important student ministry is.

Here’s my question:  How many of our students are waiting for someone to tell them that God still loves them, that they still have a future, that there is grace?  When we talk to student about sexuality, let’s balance expectations with grace.  Too often we talk about boundaries like they are a cliff.  If you cross them, well, then it’s all over.  You’ve lost everything.  I understand the deep consequences that come with sexual sin but we have to understand our audience.  Because of the prevalence of pornography and the intense pressure placed on our students, they will make mistakes.  We must realize that many of our students have already made mistakes and are already living with profound shame.  Let’s change our language and let’s walk with them through their mistakes and missteps.  Let’s speak the powerful words of God’s grace.

 

 

 

Words Power The Future

Words are incredibly powerful.  As I look back on my life, particular conversations, positive and negative, propelled me toward who I am today–the good parts and the bad.  No one has had a more powerful voice in my life than my parents–particularly my dad.  If you are a parent, this is a sobering and exhilarating thought.  Your words literally shape the future of your child.  The words you use help form their identity and self-concept.  Like the book of Proverbs says, words carry “the power of life and death.”

Many of us, because of busyness, laziness, or fear, leave unsaid the most important words.  We say all the mundane things and the negative things (when I haven’t had enough coffee yet) but we don’t speak the words of blessing.  Recently, I was challenged to put these words of blessing in written form for each of my kids.  Here’s what I came up with for my firstborn son:

Dear Keegan,

We’ll never forget the day you came into our lives. You were so sweet and little…and we didn’t sleep for 2 years. Despite that, you brought us so much joy. We loved watching your wonder filled face as you explored and discovered the world of our apartment. You have always been inquisitive and full of wonder.

Watching you grow has been amazing. Your faith in Jesus has been growing steadily since you were very little. You care deeply about doing what is right and following Jesus. You want to honor Him with your life. We pray that your faith will continue to grow and that you will continue obeying God. We believe He has a plan for your life and that He wants to use you to do something special.

God has very clearly gifted you with creative talent. You are a budding artist. You notice the details and create amazing pictures and stories. You are great at imagining something and bringing it to life with your Legos or in Minecraft. Not every kid has the ability to draw, design and build like you do. God has given you a gift. Please continue to develop it. Our suspicion is that God has gifted you in these ways because they are part of His plan for your life.

If there’s two things we would wish for your life, the first would be that you’d never lose your sense of wonder. Wonder is what you feel when you realize how big and incredible God is. You feel wonder when you are overwhelmed by how amazing something is that God made—for example, when you stand before a mountain or swim in a vast ocean and think to yourself, “This is so huge! God must be so big and powerful!”

We hope and pray that you would always find God and the world He created for us to be amazing. We hope that who God is and what He has made would always blow your mind—that you would always say, “Wow!” when you think about God. We believe that living with wonder is one of the secrets to strong faith and a happy life.

The second thing we wish for your life is that you would always follow Jesus. Jesus is your creator and Savior. He made you and he loves you. Following Jesus is the path to life. The older you get, the harder it will be to follow Jesus. Other people in your life will stop following Jesus and some kids might even make fun of you because you are a Christian, but our hope is that you would find friends who follow Jesus and help each other.

Jesus is working to restore this world and we believe He wants to use you to do something special to help fix it. As you grow older, we will help you discover what it is that God wants you to do with your life. We commit to teaching you about God, helping you understand the Bible and living our lives for Jesus so that you can watch us and learn how to do it. We know that God has amazing things in store for you. We love you very much Keegan and are so happy and proud to call you our son.

Love,

Mom and Dad

 

My encouragement to you would be to write something like this for your kids.  Don’t even wait for a special occasion.  Just do it.  I don’t think it’s possible to over-bless your kids.  As a parent, I don’t want to have any regrets about leaving my love and dreams for my kids unsaid.

 

image credited to Fredrik Rubensson via Flickr