Somehow my daughter turned 21 a few days ago. I still don’t really understand how this happened but I can assure you it has nothing to do with me getting older.
When I announced to a close friend that Melanie was going out that evening to celebrate she shocked me with a question I didn’t know how to answer
“Did you tell her not to take a drink from anyone she doesn’t know?” “Well, no…I didn’t tell her that.” “Because you never know what someone could put in a drink before they give it to her…”
Needless to say, I freaked out and left my daughter a long impassioned voicemail that went something like this:
“Don’t take drinks from strangers and don’t ever go to the bathroom by yourself and don’t drink anything that is made in a garbage can or a bath tub and don’t do shots because they make you stupid and don’t drive even if you’ve only had a few drinks and don’t go anywhere with anyone you don’t know and most guys you meet in a bar are trying to figure out how to get in your pants!”
Yes, I panicked. My sweet little innocent baby girl was going out into the world and I wasn’t sure if I had said everything that I needed to say so I just opened up the fire hose and left nothing to chance.
The good news is that I haven’t left much unsaid over the last 21 years. I was always the mom who said the weird awkward things. I talked to her about sex and boyfriends. I talked to her about catfights and how boys really think. I talked to her about what it feels like to have your heart broken. I talked to her about being resilient. I was open and honest and brought anything that she tried to keep in the dark out in the light. Sometimes it went really well and sometimes it was messy and ugly. But either way we talked about it.
So whether you have a 1 year old or a 21 year old, my advice is this: start talking. Whatever age you think you should start talking to your kids about sex, partying and friends—start earlier than that. If you have a teenager, start now. Be weird, creepy, and awkward. At least they’ll know what creepy sounds like when they run into it.
Ask them questions even if you’re afraid to know the answers. I know it’s a tough idea to implement but be persistent and relentless and for crying out loud man up! No one ever said parenting would be easy. If your kid isn’t ticked off at you at least 30% of the time you’re probably not doing it right.
Trust me when I say that down the road your kids will appreciate your intrusiveness. A couple summers ago my husband and I dropped Melanie off at her first apartment in Chicago. As we drove away I was shouting obnoxiously out the window “Don’t let a stranger carry your groceries! Nothing good happens after midnight! Always park under a streetlight!” And on and on until we wear out of earshot.
She just smiled and waved and I was sure she knew how tenaciously I love her.
Guest Blogger: Christina Thelen has been serving in student ministry for over 8 years and has been tenaciously mothering for over 21. When she isn’t volunteering with students she can usually be found planning epic events or posting cat pictures to Facebook.
