Back in the day I attended a conservative Christian college–one of those colleges that you only apply to if you want to be a pastor, missionary, play the organ or marry someone who does. It was elite. The average incoming GPA of a freshman student when I graduated was 3.9. It was like the Hogwarts of ministry except that Harry Potter was obviously out of bounds, what, with that devilish magic and all.
Anyway, I loved it. I remember looking out from my chapel seat overlooking a crowd of a thousand future leaders thinking, “These people are going to change the world. This is army. These people are going to take Jesus to the darkest of places.” And they did. My classmates planted churches in the most forsaken places on earth. They became undercover missionaries in closed Islamic countries. They flew missionary planes into remote jungle outposts and they’ve planted and led churches all over the world. My classmates were and are an extraordinary group of men and women. And yet, they are incredibly ordinary and broken–just like you and me.
My junior year I was somehow approved to be an RA. To be honest, I was probably the worst RA ever to patrol the halls of my storied dorm. But, my new position exposed me to privileged information. I discovered early in the fall semester that our dorm had a massive problem…pornography. As it turns out, the facilities staff was finding an alarming amount of pornographic material in the garbage. I suppose it was a good thing that it was in the trash but it’s very presence exposed a problem. Many of us who were training to be the future leaders of the church were struggling with varying degrees of porn addiction.
The thought of pastors, missionaries and other ministry leaders hiding in the dark with unseen porn addictions terrified me. This insidious monster would destroy what God was planning for our generation of leaders. Before we took Jesus to the darkest of places in the world we needed to take him to the darkest places in our own hearts. .
In college I played volleyball. Yes, they have this sport for guys. I was the captain of my team and so enjoyed a degree of influence. I decided I would do something desperate and awkward.
After practice one day, as we sprawled across the gym floor stretching our aching legs, I dropped a bomb. I announced that I knew we were all struggling with pornography. I told them about the garbage in the garbage that was worse than garbage. I told them that this couldn’t go on. We had to rid ourselves of this darkness now before it embedded itself in our hearts. We couldn’t carry this monster into ministry. We decided that every Monday after practice we would get naked. Not like that. I mean we would sit around and confess–starkly and uninhibited. We would tell each other what we looked at, how often and what we did. We would systematically drag our darkness out into the light. We would expose ourselves. Naked. No more hiding in the dark.
The first couple of weeks were a mess. Our meetings took forever as each of us stared at the floor, mumbling through our dirty laundry. There were moments of helplessness and utter shame. We dug up garbage from the past and dragged it into the light. We prayed. No, we begged for help.
Then, with gentle love and unwavering commitment we began to look each other in the eye. We reminded each other of grace and unconditional love but demanded repentance. “I love you but you can’t stay here.” Our sessions began to get shorter. The darkness was being pushed back. Then there was the week when no one messed up.
“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.” (John 3:19-21)
Sin, hidden in secret darkness has immense power. The shame is paralyzing. But sin, pulled into the light of community through confession loses its power. We experienced freedom and victory because we painfully and systematically dragged our sin into the light.
If you want freedom there is but one way–confession and accountability. Drag it into the light.
image credited to nkzs via stock.xchng
