Apparently the leaders of the British government have had enough of pornography. David Cameron, the Prime Minister of gave a speech recently in which he announced that pornography is “corroding childhood.” He announced that “family-friendly filters would be automatically selected for all new [Internet] customers by the end of the year – although they could choose to switch them off. And millions of existing computer users would be contacted by their internet providers and told they must decide whether to use or not use ‘family-friendly filters’ to restrict adult material.”
If you’d like to read an article that describes this in detail, click here.
What I appreciate about Cameron’s speech is not that his measures will stop people from viewing pornography because people who want to watch porn will find a way. What I appreciate is that he is willing to call pornography wrong. He took a stand to protect the children of his nation.
Secondly, I do believe that Cameron’s initiatives could push back how early children see pornography. Based on the testimonies of students and volunteers that I’ve interacted with, most people’s first contact with pornography happens unintentionally and almost always through the Internet.
With that said, we as parents and youth workers need to come to terms with the fact that kids will see pornography. The latest statistics that I’ve seen reveal that 98% of boys have seen pornography by age 18. More and more kids are introduced to pornography while in elementary school. So what do we do? How to do help our children navigate this? Here are a few thoughts:
CHANGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS
First, we need to come to terms with the fact that our children will see pornography. The age where we could keep them from the destructive influence of porn is gone. Now, we must learn to help them navigate a culture in which sex is pervasive.
This doesn’t mean that we simply surrender. In fact, it means that we must be even more vigilant. The first step is to help our elementary age children understand that pornography is wrong. And, if they run into it we want them to talk to us about it. We want our children to process their introduction to porn with us, not friends or the Internet.
MONITOR YOUR KIDS
Watch what your kids are doing online. Set up filters when they are young to protect them. And when they are older, use X3watch. This is a tool that will email you (or any accountability partner) any sketchy sites that your child visited. It is an accountability tool. In my opinion, accountability is better than filters because your child will learn to navigate around filters. X3watch can lead to conversations between you and your child, which is exactly what your child will need.
PORNOGRAPHY IS A DRUG
One of the ways you can help our kids is by explaining the dangers of pornography. We need to stop simply saying, “Don’t do it because it is wrong.” Kids aren’t dumb. They need to understand for themselves why it is dangerous. This video does a nice job of explaining how pornography affects the brain in the way drugs do.
PUBLIC SCREENS
Computers are relatively easy to monitor. Just keep the computer in a public space in your home. Smart phones and tablets are a different story. It is alarming that kids can access pornography anywhere at any time from a device they keep in their pocket.
When setting up boundaries, don’t forget about mobile devices. A good rule is to require that your kids’ phones be charged in a public place overnight. Keep all screens in public places. Also, consider putting X3watch on mobile devices as well.
COMPASSION NOT ANGER
The way we respond to our kids when they confess to looking at porn or when we receive an email from X3watch that reveals what our kids have been looking at will determine whether or not our kids will trust us with accountability and honesty in the future. Respond with compassion and help rather than anger and disappointment.
Especially for teenage boys, pornography is overpowering. They need help navigating our over-sexualized culture rather than a guilt trip. Help them set up boundaries. Yes, consequences are still important but make them constructive.
The stories I hear of students overcoming pornography always involve them coming clean with their parents (particularly their dads) and their parents responding with compassion, love and healthy consequences and boundaries.
