Month: June 2013

When Injustice Gets Personal

A few years ago injustice was transformed from an abstract word to a gut wrenching reality complete with faces, names and heartbreaking stories.  I’ve seen a lot of pain but nothing prepared me for how children neglected by parents and an entire society would change the trajectory of my life.

Two summers ago I found myself in a camp full of teenage orphans in rural Ukraine.  These orphans had been dumped in this camp by their orphan schools for the summer.  They were provided with beds, some of the worst food I’ve ever tasted and a handful of university students as their camp counselors.  There was no program, no activities, and no school.  You can imagine the outcome.

In this camp I found children desperate for attention and love because of years of neglect and rejection.   I found beautiful young women, the vast majority of which, either because of desperation or trafficking would someday find themselves enslaved in prostitution.  I found rambunctious teenage boys who would most likely end up as addicts or incarcerated.

And yet, in the midst of such hopelessness, despite my best intentions I fell desperately in love with the kids I met.  In the midst of overpowering darkness, love took root in my heart.  Somehow, in the span of a week I bonded with the kids.  And as I opened up my heart to them, I began to glimpse the incredible compassion that God feels for me.

Upon returning to the USA I fell into a deep depression.  I cried constantly.  I lost my motivation for my job.  I had nightmares about orphan children and I could not get them out of my head.

I struggled for a year.  And then I went back to Ukraine and did it all over again—the same hopelessness, the same heartbreaking emotions and the same disorienting reentry.

And so, as followers of Jesus, my wife and I decided to do something.  How, after experiencing something like that could I pretend it didn’t happen?    How could I pretend those kids didn’t exist?  How could I go back to normal?  That is the power of experiencing injustice.

While wrestling through these ideas, I heard Reggie Joiner say something like this, “Do for one what you wish you could do for many.”  Obviously, we couldn’t fix the orphan problem.  Nor could we change the fact that 70% of orphan girls are pulled into the sex trade.  But, we could offer hope to one.  What if we adopted one orphan?

And so we began praying and asking people for advice.  I repeatedly asked myself this question, “Is this God’s Will?”  But, in light of Bible verses like James 1:27, I already knew what God’s will is.  He’s already stated it clearly throughout the Bible.  “Care for orphans.”  God is for adoption.  He adopts people every day.

We didn’t need a sign or some sort of mystical confirmation.  It’s already there in God’s Word.  And so we acted.  We poured our hearts and souls into adoption.  We gave an astronomical amount of time, resources and determination into offering hope to one orphan girl.

Over the next few days, I’d like to tell the story of what happened—how God showed up, what we learned and how our hearts were broken.

 

photo credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/ihhinsaniyardimvakfi/

4 Things Great Dads Do

I loved seeing all the tweets, posts and pictures about fathers yesterday.  The question I was mulling over yesterday afternoon was this:  What exactly makes for a great father?  Here’s what I came up with:

1.       LOVE YOUR WIFE

Nowhere in our culture do we see healthy marriages—not on TV, not in movies, rarely at your kid’s friend’s house.  Good marriages are a lost art.  Please understand that you are probably the only chance your kids have at seeing a good marriage.  Put your love on display.  Treasure your wife, take her out, take her on vacation, kiss her in front of your kids and talk about her with your kids like she is the queen of the world.

It’s never too late to start doing this.  It doesn’t matter if it’s your first or fourteenth marriage or if you’re divorced and single.  Even the way you talk about your ex-wife is important.  Teach your children to value women for more than just their bodies.

2.       A GREAT DAD MODELS FAITH

Kids learn by watching.  Unfortunately, in many families, faith is something that only happens on Sunday morning.  If you want your kids to develop a faith that permeates every aspect of their life then you need to live out that kind of faith in front of them.

Deuteronomy  6 is a great template for how to live out faith in your home:

6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Translation:  talk about your faith all the time!  Let your kids see how it affects your decisions, the way you talk, how you handle your money and what media you engage with.  The truth is that your kids will most likely end up with the same faith you have.  Will you be happy with the result?

3.       A GREAT DAD INVESTS IN HIS KIDS

Kids need attention.  I’m talking about 2 year olds and 20 year olds. One of the greatest mistakes I see dads making is not spending time enough with their kids.  Dads are too busy.

There is no greater investment that you can make.  No one, upon their death bed has ever said, “I spent way too much time with my kids.”  At the end, nearly every person wishes they had invested more in what matters.

Fathers, your kids crave your attention, affection, and words.  If you give to them liberally as they are growing up you are very likely to have a close relationship with them as they grow older.  Work can wait.  Your kids won’t.

4.       A GREAT DAD HOLDS THE LINE

Kids don’t naturally make good decisions.  They are fallen creatures who are bent towards selfishness and destructive habits.  I see too many tired dads giving up on boundaries as their kids get older.  Please don’t.  Believe it or not, kids want boundaries and they will grow up to be better people because of them.  Hold the line.  Don’t give up.  Your kids need your authority in their lives.

To My Dad

My dad is a boss.  Seriously, when it comes to being a man, my dad wins.  What I’m trying to say is that my dad can beat up your dad.

Now that we have that out of the way, I wanted to share a few thoughts on what my dad has taught me about life and manhood.

1.       COMMITMENT

My parents sort of took the unconventional approach to 30+ years of wedded bliss.  Usually, couples who get pregnant in high school and are forced to marry don’t make it 3 years let alone 30.  When my mom got pregnant my dad dropped out of school and went to work for his hard driving grandfather in his water well drilling business.   Not only did my dad stay committed to my mom through those rocky years but he has stayed in that business for just as long.  Now he owns it.  My dad taught me to commit to what is important.  You don’t quit on a job, you don’t quit on your sports team, and you don’t quit on your marriage.  I told you he is a boss.

2.       DO IT RIGHT

Not only is my dad the hardest worker I know but he’s also the most accurate worker I know.  He’s a perfectionist who does something right the first time or he doesn’t even mess with it.  If he gets into a hobby you can expect him to be awesome at it in short order.  For example, he decided to make my mom garden boxes this year and although he’s never made one in his life, they look better than anything you could buy at Home Depot.

I couldn’t be more different from my dad in this way.  The first time around, I suck.  Always.  But, his perfectionism has shaped me.  My dad has always pushed me to be excellent and organized.   I sincerely believe that his influence has made me a better man.

3.       PASS ON YOUR PASSIONS

My dad is a man of passion.  He goes full-bore at whatever he attempts.  One of the great things about growing up in his family is that I got to tag along on his crazy adventures.  When he was into drag racing, we took our mullets to the race track.  drag racing

When he was into karate, he taught me how to spar.  When he was into hunting, he left me in the woods for a week.  OK, I didn’t love that.  But, he did introduce me to one of my life’s passions—beach volleyball.  He would take me along with him to the beach 3 times a week and even built a killer beach court in our backyard.  It was the 80s so it had hot pink poles and neon yellow court lines.  This is when I became popular.

Here’s a lesson for young fathers:  Whatever you’re into, just bring your kids along.  They just want to be with you and they might pick up a passion along the way.

4.       LIFE ISN’T ABOUT YOU

My dad has always been great about serving.  When I was in high school, he was hands down the best volunteer youth group leader ever.  He was that guy that all the students loved.

When it comes to money, my dad is generous.  He taught me from a young age that you give back to the church and live within your means.

My dad has also become a legendary well driller.  He’s truly a master of his field.  You’d never know it though.  He’s quiet and unassuming.  If I were him, I’d start a blog about well drilling and constantly talk about how awesome I am.  But that’s not him.

Instead of making a big deal about himself he serves.  Instead of taking his talents to south beach, he takes them to Africa and quietly resources Nigerian well drillers.  He equips and resources Nigerian well drillers to do great work and lets them have the spotlight.  You can check out this ministry here.

In short, my dad is an amazing man.  He’s taught me so much that I’ll still be sorting out how he’s shaped and influenced me for years to come.  Happy Father’s Day Dad!

5 Tips to Unleash Innovation

If I had created the world, no one would be allowed to touch anything.  I’d treat every little thing like those weird knickknacks that overcrowded my Grandma’s mobile home.  Don’t you dare touch that gnome!  Thankfully I’m not God…for a lot of reasons but mostly because I wouldn’t have given my creatures free will.

One of my favorite parts of the Bible is the beginning.  God creates the most amazing planet ever and after placing Adam in the garden, God gives him freedom.  “Fill it.  Subdue it.  Rule over it.”

How does a person subdue God’s creation?  The way I understand it, subduing has to do with bringing order and sense out of chaos.  It’s almost like God gave us the freedom to improve on His creation.

I think that part of God’s design is that we never be satisfied with OK.  We honor our creator when we constantly ask, “How can we improve this?  How can we bring more order out of chaos?”  New ideas.  New questions.  New practices.  Relentless innovation.

The thing is, innovation is difficult.  It doesn’t come natural.  But, it is paramount.  Otherwise, our practices become archaic and we lose effectiveness.  We can’t afford to lose effectiveness in student ministry.  There’s too much at stake.

Here are some tips on pursuing relentless innovation.

1.  CREATE MARGIN

Innovation requires space.  If there’s no margin in your life there won’t be much ingenuity.  It requires quiet, solitude and focus.  If you are over-committed, your practices will probably never change.  Pull back, cut something and create space for ingenuity.

2.  CAPTURE IDEAS

I have lost so many brilliant ideas.  This is absolutely the worst.  You have to capture genius ideas like you would a great picture.  When I see my kids doing something hilarious or cute I snap a picture as quickly as I can.  It’s the same with ideas.  Write them down.  Make a note in your phone.  Take a picture.  Tie a string on your finger.  It doesn’t really matter how you do it just develop a system.

I am very forgetful so when I have a great idea I write it down immediately.  Seriously, I’ll pull my car to the side of the road and even hop out of shower to capture a good idea.

3.  FORCE THE ISSUE

Sometimes when innovation isn’t flowing it needs to be forced out.  This is why our team gets away to process and think strategically.  Asking hard questions as a community will flush out brilliant ideas.  On these retreats we present new thoughts, argue, debate and laugh.  We’ve never a staff retreat that didn’t generate at least one great idea.

Before I worked at a big church I would simply gather friends who were in ministry and take a study retreat together.  Both options lead to great thinking.

4.  CALL IN EXPERTS

Truthfully, I rarely conjure up a great idea on my own.   I need someone or something to prime the pump.   There are a few people in my life that somehow pull good ideas out of me.  The quality of conversation or the questions they ask just help me to approach problems from a different angle.

A great book will also spur on your thinking.  Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be a relevant topic.  Reading great thinkers often produces great thinking.

5.  PERMISSION TO FAIL

As I’ve written before, 90% of my ideas are no good.  But, 10% are game changers [read about this concept here].  Over time, I’ve accepted my 90% failure rate.  If I stopped all creative thinking every time I had a bad idea I’d never do anything new.  Some of my favorite practices in life and ministry would have never happened.  Give yourself permission to have a few bad ideas.

We’re called to innovation.  We honor God when we wrestle with hard questions and uncover brilliant solutions through pure hard work and laborious thinking.  This is how I tap into creativity.  How do you do it?

 

 

How I Got Fat

When you go off to college everyone and their mom warns you about the “freshmen 15.”  Although many of us gain a little weight (the research I’ve read shows it to be 10 not 15) at least we were warned about the repercussions of the college lifestyle.  I mean let’s be honest, if you tried to eat and live like you did in college while in your 40s you’d be dead within 3 years.  So, when we ended up 10 pounds heavier after our freshman year we knew we had no one to blame—except that dang roommate who always wanted to hit up Denny’s at 2 AM.

I just wish that someone had warned me about the “first year forty”.  Before I became a student pastor, I was fit.  I played beach volleyball four times a week and I worked as a water well driller.  When I became a student pastor I went from being highly active to highly sedative.  I sat behind my desk planning brilliant games and teachings and when I did leave my office I went to Biggby (the coffee shop of choice in Lansing, MI) and drank ginormous lattes.  As you know, a necessary ingredient of relational ministry is always a 400 calorie latte.  And let’s not forget the official food of American student ministry…pizza.

And who knew that student ministry is stressful?  Somehow I came into my first job with a skewed perception of what the job would actually be like.  I thought it would be as simple as orchestrating epic games of chubby bunny (a dangerous and also fattening game), strumming my guitar (only 150 calories burnt per hour) and teaching kids about Jesus (calories burnt negated by pre-teaching donut).  Student ministry can be very stressful and what do you do when you get stressed?  Eat ice cream.

The first sign of my plummeting condition was an uncle at a graduation open house who slapped my expanding belly and exclaimed, “Your wife’s cooking has been good to you huh?”  Wait…what?  I’m confused.  I’m not fat.  I’m a beach volleyball player.  We all have amazing bodies and are insanely hot (see Olympics footage).  The next day I took a good hard look in the mirror and was shocked by what I saw—a fat guy who looked remarkably like me.   My girth units (Brian Regan fans laugh now) hit me like a freight train.  Somehow I missed the truth.  I had become a fat guy.

Has anyone else had this experience?  No one warned me.  Clearly it wasn’t my fault.  I was doing the work of the LORD!  Who knew that lattes and pizza make people fat?  I thought there was some sort of Holy Spirit fat force field.  I was dead wrong—about 40 pounds wrong.  I know a few of you have had the same experience.  Let those of you who are just launching out into student ministry be warned about the “first year forty.”

 

Real Talk About Pornography

Today is the last piece of my 3 part series on “what guys need to understand about sex.”  Today’s topic is pornography.  Porn is like a drug and it can destroy us.

If you are a parent, please read this.  It may help you understand what is going on in your child’s head.  If you are guy…you definitely need to read this.  Here’s an excerpt from the article:

Because we as guys are designed by God to be fascinated with the female body and because we, especially as young men have a powerful sex drive, pornography is incredibly dangerous.  Research shows that 50% of us are addicted to pornography.  That is how porn works.  It is highly addictive, and like other drugs, gateway porn leads to harder and harder porn.

I’ve talked with many guys who accidentally stumbled upon porn and within a few years they were compulsively viewing harder and harder pornography several times a day, engaging in sexting and eventually acting out their fantasies.

Understand this:  pornography is not controllable.  It cannot stay compartmentalized.  It leaks into the other areas of your life.  It is like a campfire that jumps its barriers and becomes a raging forest fire.  Pornography has the power to destroy you and the relationships that you care about the most.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the rest of the article.  Click here to read it.

 

If you are struggling with porn, here is one of the best resources I’ve ever seen:  xxxchurch.com

Concerned about your son or daughter?  Click here for great resources and idea.

What Every Guy is Desperate For

Hey everyone,

This week I am guest posting for The Youth Culture Report about what guys need to know about sexuality.  Today’s post is on what every guy is desperate for.  If you get this thing right you can set a boy on the path to self-confidence, inspire a man forward or save your marriage.  Here’s an excerpt of my article:

As guys, we want our lives to matter.  We want to be significant.  And, this is the way we approach relationships.  When it comes to a relationship, we want respect. 

What is respect?  We want the woman we love to be proud of us.  We want to be considered worthy of her loyalty and love.  It’s really that simple.  If you think about it, that’s all we want out of life.  We wanted our dads to be proud of us.  We wanted our teachers and coaches to be proud of us and we want our girlfriends and wives to be proud of us.

If you are a woman, understand this:  If you show your man that you respect him on a regular basis, it will revolutionize your relationship.  All men have a little boy inside of them that just wants someone to be proud of them.  Most of what we do is designed to make you proud.  As childish as it sounds, the more you think of us like a little boy who needs a pat on the head and a proud smile, the better.  Praise us, make a big deal about the things we do and we will put on that little boy grin and love you with fierce loyalty. 

I’d love your feedback on the rest of the article.  You can read it here:

A Tribute to Brady

This weekend Brady Nemmers who has fearlessly led our student ministry for over a decade announced that he’ll be leaving our church for a lead pastor position at a church down the road.  I could not be happier for him.  He’s one of the best teachers out there.  I’m excited to see where God takes him.

In my opinion, Brady is a student ministry legend.  He has taught me so much about student ministry.  Working alongside him has made me a better person and a more skillful youth pastor.  Today, I want to share a bit about what he’s taught me.

  1. Environment Matters

Brady has a pretty unique story.  He never set out to be a youth pastor.  He landed in student ministry by way of a biology degree and a thriving DJ business.  Yes, I’m serious.  Back in the 90s if there was a killer Prom going down, Brady was laying down the tracks.

DJing left its mark on Brady.  I’ve never met a person more in tune with environment and atmosphere.  Don’t invite him to your church unless you’re ready for some revealing feedback.

What I learned from Brady is that environment matters.  The way a student feels while the teaching is happening is crucial.  The way that a program flows helps or hinders how students connect with God.  Brady’s unique approach has made our ministry better.

2.  Clarity is Critical

Like I said, Brady is an amazing teacher.  If you asked him, he’d probably tell you that the trick to being a great teacher is speaking with clarity.  Who cares how theologically sound you are if no one knows what you’re talking about.  It’s the presenter’s job to take complex ideas and talk about them in ways that are accessible and useable.  When it comes to student ministry, I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it better than Brady.

3. Lead with Grace

Brady is an optimist.  He sees the good in people and he’s likely to give a person 2nd and 3rd chances.  Coming into my role at Ada Bible I was a little short on grace.  This sort of thing is common in ministry.  You get beat up and lose your tolerance for people.  Watching and imitating Brady has helped me regain a grace filled approach to ministry.

4.  Simplicity is Freeing

At the risk of committing technological heresy, Brady is a bit like Steve Jobs.  OK, maybe I’m overstating my case but what I mean is that Brady loves simplicity.  He resonates with Jobs’ design strategy—simple, elegant and functional.  Brady has applied these principles to our student ministry and it has served us well.  We don’t try to do a lot but what we do we do with excellence.

I think this approach has directly contributed to his and other team members’ longevity.  Complexity and chaos lead to burnout.  Simplicity and elegance lead to excellence and margin.

 

In short, Brady has been an astronomically awesome youth pastor.  He came into the game with basically no training and yet he became an amazing speaker and leader through sheer determination and the humble pursuit of excellence.

Brady Nemmers, I tip my hat to you.  You’re a legend of the game.  We’ll miss you deeply.

Shot across the bow…you’re gonna kill it at your next gig.

3 Things Guys Must Understand About Sex

A few weeks ago I wrote 4 pieces on what girls need to know about sex.  Since then many people have asked me to write the same stuff for guys.  So I did.  I wrote 3 posts for The Youth Culture Report Blog.  I think they’ll be helpful if you are a parent of a guy, have guys in your student ministry, are a guy, know a guy or have heard about guys.  Here’s an excerpt:

God invented sex.  No, for real.  At some point God called his angels around and said, “I just had an idea.  A really good idea.  No Gabriel, way better than volcanos.”  OK, I know that’s not how God actually works, but God did invent sex.  It was His idea and it was an awesome idea—probably the awesomest idea ever. 

Check out the rest of the post:  3 Things Guys Must Know About Sexuality

 

If you’re interested in the 4 posts on talking to girls about sex, you can find them here:

3 Things Girls Must Know About Sexuality

3 Things Girls Must Know About Sexuality Part 2

3 Things Girls Must Know About Sexuality Part 3

4 Traps That Will Derail a Girl’s Dreams

 

Why Christian Students Walk Away From Faith

For the last 3 years, I have obsessively focused on this question.  As a pastor to students, this is the sort of thing that keeps me up at night.

One of our former students and current volunteers shared this article with me and I think it is worth the read.  The article is written by Larry Alex Taunton who is the executive director of the Fixed Point Foundation.  Honestly, I know nothing about him or his organization but the study intrigued me because it offered “members of Secular Student Alliances (SSA) or Freethought Societies (FS)s” an opportunity to share “your journey to unbelief“.  Here were some of Larry Alex Taunton’s observations:

1. “They had attended church”

2. “The mission and message of their churches was vague”

3.  “They felt their churches offered superficial answers to life’s difficult questions”

4.  “They expressed their respect for those ministers who took the Bible seriously”

5.  “Ages 14-17 were decisive”

6.  “The decision to embrace unbelief was often an emotional one”

7.  “The internet factored heavily into their conversion to atheism”

Personally, I believe we are losing students to irrelevant faith and atheism because they don’t find Christianity compelling which is ridiculous because the mission of the Gospel is insanely compelling.  But, this is on us–not them.  Students want to be part of a mission bigger than themselves and if we aren’t connecting them to it they will go elsewhere for meaning.

Also, research shows that many students are walking away because they didn’t have a safe place to wrestle with doubts.  We MUST become churches where it is not only OK but also encouraged to openly wrestle with doubts.

The article is definitely worth a read.  Click here to check it out.